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Weirdest Ending of A Relationship?

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tania:
if it were me, i'd probably ask them politely to keep their distance from me until i felt comfortable with the situation. otherwise there's no way i can work this out in my mind without the guy who wants his ex and best friend to stop dating ending up being the asshole. people can have consenting relationships with whoever they want and it's up to those who aren't okay with it to figure out how to be.

Jimmy the Squid:
I went out with my best friend's ex. Granted it didn't end up perfectly but we went out for over a year and a half and I am happy for the time we did have together. I mean, I made sure my friend (HOUSEMATE X for anyone who is interested) was ok with it before I made a move on the young lady because I didn't want his feelings to be hurt but yeah, I think it's ok as long as everyone is clear about what is happening.

tania:
i think it's the part where it comes to making sure the person who's ex you're dating is "okay with it" that is a weird area for me. if not being "okay with it" meant that seeing us together is kind of hard for them right now and so maybe we should try not to talk about the relationship too much and try to keep our distance from them and maybe be extra-sensitive, that would be totally understandable (among best friends i don't see why not). if, however, not being "okay with it" meant "no man i really don't want you to date her that is bullshit" i'd honestly probably think "well fuck you guy" and go for it anyway. i'll be sensitive to your feelings but i am not okay with this whole notion that people can tell their friends what relationships they can or can't be in or act like their exes are their property. maybe that last bit is me reading into this too much but it's kind of how i view it.

0bsessions:
Whether it's cool to date a friend's ex is a sticky thing and depends on a fuckton of variables. I'm tempted to make a flow chart.

I'm going to list the basic details of what happened in my situation. The basic conclusion to sum it up beforehand is: everyone did everything about as absolutely wrong as it could be done short of all of us killing each other in the end:

I was dating my first serious girlfriend for just shy of a year. A week shy of our anniversary, she dumped me out of nowhere. She'd been acting cold for a while and I should've seen it coming, but I didn't.

We got back together a couple days later and continued to date for another three months before she cheated on me and broke up with me. In the meantime, my best friend Kenny had dated her best friend Stef, fallen madly for her and then she dumped him because he was getting too clingy.

After my breakup, Stef was the one who told me my ex had been cheating on me. She also told me that said ex had slept with Kenny during the prior breakup. Kenny apparently convinced her to break up with me and sleep with him, then AFTER the act, got cold feet and told her he would fuck her, but not date her because he wasn't sure how it'd affect our friendship.

Stef started making advances towards me and I eventually went with it. I wasn't attracted to her and I really didn't like her in much of any way. I will fully admit that I was dating her purely out of spite towards my ex and my friend. I've never felt any guilt towards this as I'm full out certain she knew this, as I'd like to think it's obvious that she only told me everything in an effort to get in my pants. It apparently had a huge affect on the ex, though I'm not sure to this day how my friend felt. Right after I found out, I confronted him and told him to stay the hell away from me. I haven't actually seen him since.

The moral of the story, I guess, is you need to be careful with shit like this. It can destroy friendships and, whether you care about the ex's feelings or not, there could be someone in the situation who does care. I still talk to Stef from time to time, as it was an emotionless fling. I haven't talked to my ex in a while, more out of apathy than actual distaste, we actually got to be decent friends for a little while. Kenny, I haven't seen since the whole mess. After about three years, I went to his dad's house in an effort to get in touch with him. His dad was quite happy to see me, but Kenny had joined the army and outside of one brief phone conversation in 2005, I haven't talked to him at all since 2002. I was hurt by what she did to me, a lot, but his involvement killed me inside for a long while. We'd been friends since we were nine and we'd actually met as infants. Nine years of friendship was basically flushed down the shitter by four teenagers handling an idiotic situation about as poorly as possible.

My basic point is that if you have a shot at your friend's ex: don't. There are so many billions of people in the world, you're best off not risking fucking up a valued friendship for the sake of getting laid.

tania:
ah see, i was thinking more along the lines of when you think there's really a very good chance of the relationship working out but then you're sort of forced to abandon it because they are your friend's ex and there are rules and etc etc. you are right though, it all depends on a lot of different variables and grey areas.

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