Thanks, guys, for your input on my hilariously over the top dramas. I think I'll probably make some kind of move, I am just trying to decide whether it be sitting down and telling her how I feel (again) or maybe using one of the countless opportunities she gives me to kiss her. Just concerned about the potential drama it could cause with her new guy who she apparently adores. See how things go I suppose.
okay, but see, i don't have intimate stuff going on with many people at once. there's this new boy, and the boyfriend of three and a half years. that's...it. i don't want anyone else, not for dating and not for sexy times. i'm not promiscuous at all, oddly enough. i find it annoying when people i barely know (like new boy) tell me that my relationship with my boyfriend is not serious because we have recently made the decision to try seeing other people. (key word there being "try". it's entirely possible that it won't go anywhere and then we will go back to a monogamous relationship with each other or start new relationships with more suitable partners) if it wasn't serious, it probably wouldn't have lasted three and a half years in the first place. i do love him and care about him, and the fact that people who are strangers seem to imply that i don't bothers me. ugh shut up you don't know me, stop judging. and also i really don't see anything wrong with dating more than person for an extended period of time and loving both of these people in a romantic sense. i am not sure whether i can actually do it though.
lack of affection wasn't a huge deal, since he was stressed out about work and yeah the whole heavy relationship talk probably didn't help any. but he seemed happy to have me around anyway. (d'awww!) and i didn't even mind that he was sulking and bitching about his job. (if it were some other boy, i don't think i would have been willing to put up with it) clearly this is a thing that is not one sided. that's not really what i'm wondering about though. i think what i want to know is would it be too soon to go back to his place of work and see him on tuesday y/n. i mean it is plausible for me to be there for reasons unrelated to him but really i just want to buy the boy a drink cause i think he could use one and i'd like to continue having meaningful conversations with him. i don't wanna be creepy and clingy but i do wanna have more time to talk to him and not distract him too much from his job even though he seems to enjoy that. now, i would just call him but i kind of don't have his number and he said that he doesn't have time on his phone and the fact that his job hasn't been going well for him means that he is not making commission and is barely making ends meet so phone time isn't a priority, which is understandable i guess but also inconvenient for plan-making. he has my number but i am not really a sit-around-and-wait-for-the-phone-to-ring kinda girl so yeah. besides he seems to like the fact that i actually made the effort to come see him despite not having specific plans. so i don't think he'd mind if it happened again? then again, if it keeps happening, he might stop finding it cute and be weirded out.
also not willing to consider anything more than friendship? uh but he kissed me. i don't know about you, but i don't go around kissing people that i would like to pursue normal friendships with.
Starting from the bottom and working up. How did he kiss you? Admittedly, I don't kiss girls in any shape or form unless I am interested in something more than friendship, but a light peck on say, the forehead, or the neck or whatever is something I class as 'not serious' and barely think twice about it.
I'd go and see him, maybe make some excuse that you were in the area - or not because that is a huge clichéd way of lying about it - and see if he wants to hang out. If not then maybe take it easy, if so then, well, win situation. You obviously know that there is a fine line between showing up occasionally and near-stalking so there's not much else to say there. Personally unless I am really into somebody I don't really try to make time to hang with them, but am more than happy to do so if the opportunity naturally presents itself.
As for what he - and I, I guess - said about polygamous relationships, that is just his opinion. You have a different one and that is cool, there are people on both sides of either fence and presumably many other weirder fences which should maybe be electrified in some cases. His view on relationships may become a factor if you do try to pursue something with him, it may not... he might be happy to enter into whatever kind of relationship you want to have with him, but there is, I think, a very real danger that the lack of monogamy would start to become an issue for him. Otherwise, I think it is more likely he will start to view it as a 'friends with benefits' situation, or you may even alter his view on polygamy.
If he was actually lecturing you and telling you how your relationship is / isn't then that would suggest he would be less likely to enter into something while you were still commited to your boyfriend, even if in an open fashion.
Ultimately my opinion is still as it was in the last post... I think he
is interested in you, and hanging out with him more is a good idea, but going further than friendship may be difficult.
They are joking but sometimes the gays get psyched! You are probably too womanly to be tricky about it, but every once in a while I've had a gay girl come onto me really hard, so don't give up!
Also, trying again.
5 people in this situation. All names changed except for mine.
1. Alex. A boy who may or may not have raped my female friend, Sara. Used to be one of my best friends, we climbed together, did drugs together, hung out together, until I sobered up and realized the things above weren't just in my head when I was stoned. Is very good friends with;
2. Nicole. Girl I am dating(not girlfriend, important point.) I started seeing her at the beginning of the summer, initially in a "we are both lonely so lets just have some sexy fun," sort of way, but it has grown into more than that. She's totally rad, and I like her a whole bunch. The only problem is that she recently broke up with;
3. Voldemort, her ex boyfriend. I was under the impression they were totally quits at the beginning of the summer(they had broken up for a while, and gotten back together about a month before school let out, according to her just so that they would have the maximum amount of fun at the end of the year,) but as my relationship with Nicole got more serious, I learned that there was still a lot of unresolved emotion between the two of them, and he was probably planning on resuming the relationship when the summer ended. Obviously, this has caused me a great deal of stress, which has nothing to do with;
4. Sara. A good female friend of mine for almost two years. It was revealed to me at the beginning of the summer by a mutual friend that Mark raped her, and she later told me about it herself, in tears. She has been raped twice before, so she is not a girl who would be lying about this. Plus, hearing her tell the story banished all doubt from my mind that it could possibly have not happened.
Two weeks before Nicole went to Italy for a brief vacation, Alex and I had a major falling out, resulting in Nicole having to choose between us for hangouts, since she likes spending time with me, but is still really close with him. Her comment was that she "felt like a child of divorce, having to choose between her two dads. Sara is the one who suggested I tell Nicole about it, because it would make it easier for me to hang out with Nicole, and would make it less likely that Sara would ever have to see Alex, ever. Nicole and Sara are in the process of becoming friends. Voldemort is just an asshole.
Is that more clear? Names and pronouns and all that shit are incredibly obnoxious.
Having been in a similar situation, I would:
1) Just leave Alex alone, if possible. I don't see much reason to make a big deal out of it - by which I mean have some potentially violent confrontation - just don't hang out with him.
2) Tell Nicole about Alex. Just lay it down. I'd explain you're not trying to persuade her into not hanging out with somebody or whatever, but that you can't hang out with Alex and this is why, if she doesn't believe you, or doesn't care, then you can deal with that how you wish, but you have laid out your reasons that you won't hang out with Alex and it is not a matter of choice or whatever for you. You don't have to go into specifics, because naturally that would be breaching Sara's trust, but explain you believe he has done something horrible and you just don't want to be around him.
3) I don't think there is anything you can do about Voldemort, to be honest. As horrible as it is to say, if something is going to happen between him and Nicole, something is going to happen. I don't think trying to stop or dissuade it will be beneficial to anybody in the long run. Just focus on you and Nicole as much you can because, in the end, she's already chosen you over him.
4) Well I don't think any action needs to be taken here? She is your friend and if you've been following this thing then you have already taken steps to distance yourself from Alex so that is ok?
