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Shoot Off Your Mouth

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Trollstormur:

--- Quote from: öde on 24 Jul 2009, 06:54 ---Sentences that start with either "No offence, but..." or "You know what they say..." are always winners.

--- End quote ---


don't forget the classic, "I'm not racist, but..."

benji:
Don't filter what you say with the consideration of whether or not someone might care. Instead, just say whatever you are thinking. Stream of consciousness is your friend. You are under no obligation to complete one thought before you start the next one. Nor, in the rare instances where you stop for breath and someone else takes this as an invitation to say something, should you imagine that what they say has any relevance or need to be responded to. Rather, just keep on talking about what you want to talk about, whether it take there words in to consideration or not.

Also, develop a deep interest in things which most people have a much more limited interest in. Good choices are Star Trek, Star Wars, Xena Warier Princes, your own pets, obscure political candidates, the most recent American Idol winner, etc. Find people who have absolutely no reason to be interested in whatever you've picked and start an innocent conversation with them that gradually leads to the topic of your interest. Ignore all social ques that you've reached the limit of their of their interest in the topic. Regard terms like "I've never really watched that show," or "I'm not into politics," or "I prefer classical music," as invitations to be converted rather then indications that they might be legitimately disinterested. When they progress to saying things like "Every time I've seen that show it's looked really dull," or "I really find nothing appealing about his voice," to be evidence that they're starting to come around and want to hear more.

If they start to leave, follow. Members of the opposite sex might try to avoid you with a trip to a bathroom. Don't fall for this. You can follow them all the way to the door and politely wait while they use the facilities. Then, when they leave the bathroom, pick up right where you left off. If they say that they have to study, do yard work, or cook dinner, this is clearly an invitation. What chore would not be made all the more pleasant by your incessant talking? Even if they ask you directly to please leave, you can deflect by saying "yeah, I really should get going, but you know..." and then picking up right where you left off.

Remember: There is no one more interesting then you, and nothing anyone else says is relevant to the conversation you are trying to have. Follow these simple rules and you're on your way to becoming a first glass bore.

maxusy3k:
Work in a call centre. Since I started call centre work I've found it ridiculously easy to take two minutes to issue a potentially one-word answer, and that's without repeating the point. People seem to believe me quicker when, I don't know, I am saying a lot of stuff about how something is a good idea, or that something will happen.

If somebody calls in and asks "WIll my car be collected today?" and I say "Yes." there will be questions. If I take the time to say how I know it'll be collected, even if 90% is just bullshit - it usually is - then the customer leaves satisfied.

Edit:


--- Quote from: iamiam on 24 Jul 2009, 06:37 ---2.  become constantly disoriented and confused so that all your thoughts are jumbled in your mind and you are no longer capable of sorting through which ones should be spoken aloud and which are better kept to yourself.

--- End quote ---

Also this, definitely. I can talk for hours without saying a single thing when I'm either sleep deprived, or drunk. I am what people call a 'happy drunk' mainly because I just start to spew an endless fountain of positive things as they enter into my brain, if I bring up another potential subject as I'm talking about something else I will instantly move onto that topic regardless of how jarring and unnatural it is.

It doesn't help that I also talk incredibly fast when I don't have to think carefully about what I'm saying. I got in trouble a few times at my last job because I knew the ins and outs of the product I was working on - again in a call centre - so well I would fire through the information at light speed, completely baffling the customer.

Now I'm going to be late for a party.

Further edit!!: When I am sober and well rested, though, I don't talk unless I feel it's necessary. People who meet me through parties or through work find it a little unnerving how quiet and reflective I am if we hang out elsewhere. Without trying to sound like an arrogant moron, generally if I say anything when I'm with a group of friends in a general situation, say, shopping or at the park or whatever, then usually anything I say adds something to the conversation or is important in some way.

MrBlu:

--- Quote from: Sox on 24 Jul 2009, 05:16 ---I am here for advice. I need to know how to shoot off my mouth. I would like to hear about how to talk somebody's ears off without actually saying anything useful.

--- End quote ---
I'm sure there are women that are near you.

ZING!


No, seriously, that would be an example.

tania:
talking about yourself incessantly is key but in order to fully utilize this you need to first master the art of backdoor compliments, in which you slip good things about yourself into everyday conversation:

"oh, you were on vacation in the caribbean? i went there last year too because my girlfriend had a month long modeling shoot there"
"i've never played guitar hero because i've had so many years of formal music training that the game just bores me"
"it's hard for me to understand why people get into stupid arguments on the qc forum because i always try my best to be nice to everyone"

and so on. once you can get in that initial lead in, you're set! chances are from there the person will say something like "oh really?" or "okay" or "oh" and you can feel free to then continue on about yourself for as long as you want.

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