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[Omega Entity]

Well, Nina's already hissing at me when I try to pet her with Bert-hands, though I intend to be exposing her to his scent a lot while he's acclimating and becoming master of his bedroom. Hopefully that will help matters, when he truly starts to invade her territory.

[smack that isaiah]

I have my first real full-job interview next Wed.  I'm freaking out; so scary. D:

[Omega Entity]

I start my first full-time real job on the 19th, and in a managerial position no less. I'm pretty intimidated!

[bainidhe_dub]

I think I just got prank called at work... That's a first.

[Patrick]

Some guy came in to my open mic last night to play harmonica. Except he had the genius fucking idea of bringing a single harmonica. ONE KEY. Are you fucking joking. So I had to listen to this asshole bitch for 2 hours about how he can play "anything, so long as it's in the key of A" and I'm like "Dude I honestly don't know that many songs in A, I've been playing for 8 years and I actually know what 'key of A' means, I promise."

Dude's reaction was to ask if he could play drums, and I was like, "You play drums? Sure!" But instead he just decided to flail his arms and wrists in every which direction. After he insisted he continue playing drums to the entire bar's protest, I finally realized he was probably drunk (and by the size of his pupils, definitely on drugs; we have a don't harm, don't ask, don't tell policy, and people who break it are 86ed unless it's weed because LOLifornia) and needed to be removed. So I talked to the bartender, he got his Big Friend to step in, and that was that. And the rest of the night was awesome.

[Lines]

I am all done with student teaching! Yay! And I would count it as a success. Both schools were awesome. Now I'm gonna take a nap because I am for serious worn out.

[Thomas Edison]

Finished filming the first of three short films for my course yesterday. Shooting on 16mm film with a 14 man crew is the worst thing in the world when nothing is going right, but insanely fun when it's all going good. I'm boom operator for the one we're filming next week, then the week after I'm directing a zombie film. To celebrate it being the weekend today is going to be a wake and bake and finish watching the first two seasons of Community day.

[Jace]

I'm so sick this is the worst time, not only am I at work, but I have a funeral to attend on monday.
Already called supervisor lets hope he gets back to me soon about a solution before I throw up.

[Carl-E]

First day of spring break. 
Nothing accomplished. 

 


Brakes started making noises on my car, and a coolant hose fell off  while I was driving home from the chiropractor.  Lucky I had a screwdriver and a gallon of coolant in the trunk.  ...and my wife's car needs some serious work as well.  So much for a break! 

[Zingoleb]

This is going to be long and rambly (not that I ever make long and rambly blog posts about my mental health).



Everywhere else is fairly personal and I really just have a lot on my chest I'd like to get off. People who have been on these forums a long time know I'm not quite typical (I'm loathe to use the word 'normal' for a descriptor here), and people who've been here longer than that (and have, by and large, left) have yelled at me for going on and on about this when I had no one else to talk to.

(Yeah, no, I'm not bitter. I totally understand, in hindsight, though abloobloobloo at the time).

Someone once mocked me saying I had a "grocery list of mental problems," which was pretty derisive but I've taken to using that phrase because it's also hilarious and vaguely true. I have a lot of issues. Some of them I'm working on (transiness! needlephobia!). Some of them are slowly easing up over time (Tourette's!). Other things I've been avoiding and hoping maybe if I ignore them long enough, maybe they'll cease to be a factor in my life. One of those is being ADD - I've denied it with a disgruntled hatred because it was such a disorder, and I loathed to think of myself as disordered or as having a learning disability. I'm coming to accept it, though, and that's actually helping, because I'm realizing that as I accept it I tend to notice how my attention span likes to flit back and forth. I've already tabbed off to look at pictures of kittens three times during this paragraph and got lost on macromeme once. Seriously.

I mean, look at this:



...uh. Anyways.

The other thing that I've been kind of squelching down for a number of years is being autistic. I've had inclinations and hints dropped in my path for years but I've also had incorrect stereotypes pushed on me as well, so even when I was looking through lists of 'signs of autism' and agreeing with damn near every item on the list, I could still listen to the voice in the back of my head say, for instance, "but you're good at social situations! you can't possibly be autistic!"

I live with two openly autistic people. And one of them participates in Autism Awareness as za job, and one of my close friends in Seattle is an aspie as well. Listening to their stories and their lives and their encounters only strengthened that resonance I felt in my chest, and I've started doing actual research into autism and opened up to one of my roommates today about what I've been thinking and feeling and whatnot.

Ze said that it's pretty obvious, and that ze's been talking with others, and they all think I'm autistic. One of my close friends in NY responded with, quote, "...and then nobody was surprised."

So this is weird. On one hand, I've seen this coming. On the other, even though I know it's not true, I feel like I'm co-opting the abledness of my friends - "oh hey you're autistic cool I've got the autism too we can be aspie buddies now and get ice cream" - and that makes me uncomfortable. They've managed to reassure me that that's fairly blatantly not the case.

Now I'm just figuring out how this plays into my life - does this change anything? Should it? Who should I tell? Anyone? I feel like I should tell my father, if only to make him look back at our interactions and his raising me and to make him go - oh. of course - but I also feel like I've said enough things to make him worry, and I don't need to throw another reason on the fire.

Gah.

[Barmymoo]

I would say that if you are happy with your life as a whole, and confident that you are able to work on and deal with the problems that you have to deal with (which it seems you are doing, even if it takes time - and everything worth doing takes time) then it doesn't change anything. It is just a label for something that you were already living with. If it is useful to recognise that label and share it with people, then there's nothing wrong with doing so, but unless you feel that you need external medical support or anything, then keep doing yo thang. Telling people "I have autism" is just a shortcut to letting them figure out your personality and quirks on their own - and possibly might make them look for things which aren't there (like an absence social skills). It's up to you, I guess.

For the record, I'm still here after all these years and I've watched you weather countless storms very ably. I was pretty impressed that you not only stuck it out when everyone was down on you, but also managed to make yourself an integral part of this community

[LTK]

So this is weird. On one hand, I've seen this coming. On the other, even though I know it's not true, I feel like I'm co-opting the abledness of my friends - "oh hey you're autistic cool I've got the autism too we can be aspie buddies now and get ice cream" - and that makes me uncomfortable. They've managed to reassure me that that's fairly blatantly not the case.

Now I'm just figuring out how this plays into my life - does this change anything? Should it? Who should I tell? Anyone? I feel like I should tell my father, if only to make him look back at our interactions and his raising me and to make him go - oh. of course - but I also feel like I've said enough things to make him worry, and I don't need to throw another reason on the fire.

Gah.

I think you have to be careful with self-diagnoses on that sort of thing. There's a big difference between clinical autism and autism spectrum disorder, the latter being a number of disorders that exhibit some, but not all of the symptoms. Asperger's is a well-known subset of autism spectrum disorder, but just as often the specific pattern of symptoms doesn't fit any formal diagnosis, so they use the umbrella term of PDD-NOS: Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified. There's a lot of comorbidity with autism spectrum disorder and other mental disorders, so it's not unlikely that you fit the pattern.

What you should do about it? Nothing, I think. A diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder is usually helpful for parents and teachers to help their child have less of a hard time in school and social situations. But as an adult, you just think "Yeah, that explains a lot" and get on with your life. You've come this far without having needed people to cater to you being autistic. You could go around telling people that you're autistic if you really want to, but I don't see how that helps for anything but being put in another box.

But it's up to you, really. All I'm saying is, even though you shouldn't rely on Wikipedia diagnoses (I don't know if you are), it's unlikely to matter either way.

[Zingoleb]

@May: Thanks a lot! That means a lot to me.

@LTK: I'm trying not to self-diagnose, because then I start looking for problems that aren't necessarily there. If anything, I've been trying to avoid thinking in any sorts of ways that I might be anything other than neurotypical (mostly because I've sort of internalized this idea that autism = bad bad bad, which experience has taught me isn't quite true), and I've been talking with people who've been diagnosed with autism that I've been squatting with, and apparently there's been talk about me when I'm not around w/r/t/ "hey, I think Unicorn might be autistic" - and if anyone's going to know outside of a professional, it's them, really.

It doesn't change anything. It does help put a lot of things in perspective, though. ...A lot of things. I'm not going to need any sort of medical support, and I'm certainly not going to tell people upfront about it. I'm just trying to figure out how I feel about the whole thing.

[Welu]

I'm in a similar situation. I'm meant to get checked out for autism some time this year but I don't know if I want to because just like you, it wouldn't change anything but would put a lot of things in perspective.
It doesn't help that my Mammy tried to get me checked out when I was about five but our GP decided against it for some reason.

I think if you're not going to need help for it, then you don't need to be 100% sure. Although it can be nice to have something to point to for why things have happened the way they did. I guess if you really become curious you could try to find out, but try to remember it's just a small part of why you are who you are and that's probably enough explanation.

[Carl-E]

Your old GP was following the "discretion is the better part of valor" path.  For a kid who's coping all right, and doesn't have glaring problems, the diagnosis of autism would have changed your life, and from his/her past experience, probably not  for the better. 

My nephews (my brother's two boys) are both autistic, but at opposite ends of the spectrum.  The older one, who's now 12, still needs diapers, and can barely communicate outside lines from disney movies.  He'll be needing special care the rest of his life. 

His younger brother was streamlined into normal school last year (3rd grade).  He talks a blue streak, and is a train nut (he can get you from Istanbul to Budapest from memory).  But aside from a couple of odd social cues, he seems quite "normal" (I like that term "neurotypical"), and though he would have had trouble in school without the special support he's had these first few years, he would have gotten by. 

Much of these diagnoses are really new, though.  People have been OK with this for centuries...

[Welu]

Your old GP was following the "discretion is the better part of valor" path.  For a kid who's coping all right, and doesn't have glaring problems, the diagnosis of autism would have changed your life, and from his/her past experience, probably not  for the better. 

That makes a lot of sense, actually. Considering how taboo (not the right word but can't think of it) mental health issues are even now, I can see how being treated as "slow and lazy with potential" was a lot better than any kind of special treatment.
Just asked Mammy. She said he didn't think I needed checked because I was "too bright". Most of my problems didn't show or become really bad till I started secondary school, when I was eleven. A therapist (the same one who planted autism in my head) I talked to when I was about sixteen said that's common. You're able to cope when life is simpler and education isn't as tough. Things like being non-talkative or highly interested in things were just personality traits, rather than problems. It probably helped I'm very like my oldest brother. I think if I got out our school reports, they'd be identical.

~~

In other news, just had an odd one. My boyfriend's dad was driving me home; boyfriend in the car as well. Police stopping cars on the way home, very near my house and asked for ID of everyone in the car. Never had that before.

[Omega Entity]

Just let the new kitty out of his room. As expected, he's disappeared without a trace. I imagine we'll discover where he is when our other cat discovers his existence 

[Asterus]

Of course, it also seems like people are getting a tendency to try and diagnose everything into some strange form of organization. It always seems to me that when it comes to mental health, people would rather be extremely over-specific and quick to label idiosyncrasies as "disorders" regardless of their severity or effect on life. I can't say anything about autism, but every once in a while I end up taking some sort of depression evaluation survey or such, and people always come to the conclusion that I'm suffering from severe depression, I have a 1:7 change of offing myself, blahblahblah, and It always seems like total BS. Yeah, I'm internally moody and pessimistic, an agnostic with nihilist tendencies, and a complete shut-in, but Blanket-labeling all of that under the heading of "depression" isn't going to get you anywhere, especially when you consider that my public persona is the sort of person who's always smiling outwardly, is patient with most people, will do most things on a whim for the sake of pure chaos, and has no problem living each day with the goal of simply seeing what comes along. So to the next person who suggests I get mental help or therapy because they feel like I'm shutting myself in and bottling everything up, let me give you this warning: continue assuming I'll kill myself, and I'll continue whistling Katamari Damacy or something else as loudly as I can around you
I had a point in all of this somewhere. Can someone help me find it?

[Carl-E]

Some things are hard to classify, and it's not always worth the effort? 


@Welu, that was the perfect opportunity - "We're not the droids you're looking for."

[Carl-E]

Sorry to double post, but it's the next day...

Driving home for break, my coolant was a bit low.  "Must be leaking around the temp sensor I replaced last month, I'll have to tighten that". 

First day of break, my brakes start screaming - well, I'll have to fix them, but it's about time. 

Second day of break, and there's a puddle of coolant under my car.  It's the water pump. 

My wife's car's been waiting for some engine work for the last 3 months, and I need to get the tire she popped replaced. 

This is not my idea of a break!

[Omega Entity]

Still no sign of Bert. If it weren't for the fact that he's used his litter box, we wouldn't know there's a second cat in the house at all. This cat is the freakin' Hide and Seek champion.

[Barmymoo]

Carl-E, might I suggest the purchase of a new automobile?

[ummmkay]

This is not my idea of a break!

sounds like a lot of breaks to me!

ha ha ha

[Patrick]

|; You like this.

Dear guys my weekend was cool. Went busking in Berkeley with my 'artist FKA Injun Magic' bandie (pictures coming to the photo thread!) and had some strange but attractive girl randomly come up, stand between us, and start reading. We're still completely lost on who this girl was or whether or not she was trying to communicate something to us (or what the hell she meant it to say), but hey, whatever.

I definitely saw a girl on drugs that I have never seen anybody on before. Thanks Berkeley McDonald's at 10:30pm!

My Troubador! bandie's computer broke and it is likely hard drive failure. Thank god he's good about backing all music shit up. I'd be devastated if we had to go back and redo everything. Especially since it's bad enough my amp is broken.

[Carl-E]

Carl-E, might I suggest the purchase of a new automobile?

0_o


The reason I'm bitching is that I can't afford for someone elsse to do the repairs - I'm doin' them myself ($40 for the parts for a brake job vs $150 - $200 at a cheap garage).  So a new car's out of the question.  I got this one two years ago, it's an '01 with plenty of life left.  It replaced the one I hit the bear with. 

Oh, everything's fixed now.   

I only get a new(er) car when absolutely necessary, like when it's something that can't be fixed.  Otherwise, I drive 'em till they're dead.  X_X

The only new car I ever bought was an '87 Escort.  I'm a firm believer in used.  (the Escort's still in the garage, I started restoring it last summer... hell, it got nearly 40 mpg, it'll pay for itself!) 

[Welu]

Bloke, bloke's parents and I looked at a flat today. I can't deny it's in a nice area. In a wee cul-de-sac, got to chat to two of the neighbours. The man downstairs seems civil. Maybe late 60's and by himself. Next door was an older lady who was very nice. Also saw a mum coming back from shopping a few doors up.
Never saw a house like it before. Basically a two story house but the floors are separated. Sort of a bungalow on top of a bungalow. Was smallish but enough for our needs. Only needs some basic cosmetic work, like wallpaper needs changed because there were the marks of the crosses the last person had on the walls. 

I know I can't really afford to be picky but something about it just didn't feel right to me. All I can really say is  it didn't feel like something I could make into a home.

[Patrick]

A friend of mine passed away Wednesday night, a very sweet and soft spoken lady named Fran. She directly influenced my decision to form a new band, and her encouragement kept me from quitting music altogether during some of my darkest times. She was in her 50s, which I think is way too young, but she had MDS so it was kinda a matter of time, really.

Last night I ran my open mic at the coffee shop, and then afterward there was a memorial at another of the open mics in town, one she frequented. I went, and I played one of the songs by my new band that she particularly loved. It was funny, one of the other performers broke a string, and I broke a fingernail (I play fingerstyle a lot). We compared notes and determined that she was definitely with us all that night.

I'm down about it, but I'm not beaten. If there's anything she taught me it's that music can get your heart through anything, no matter what it is. Illness, physical pain, emotional pain, you can get through anything at all.

[schimmy]

Jesus Christ. You know when you think you're doing alright, and then something happens to make you feel worse than you've ever felt? Well that something's just happened to me.

I thought I was doing okay with regards to being dumped. An old friend came over last night to hang out. We had fun, made out a little bit. She gave me the impression it was going nowhere. I went to bed... I got woken up by her moaning and my housemate's bed creaking.

If I could sleep right now, I'd sleep forever. But, I can't, so I'm here.

Fuckkkk emotions.

[Jace]

I know that feel bro, I know that feel.

Somewhere (maybe in this blog thread earlier on) on these forums are copious amounts of me complaining about my old flatmate having really loud sex (and my other flatmate was definitely getting some, but he was fucking polite about not doing it when people were home) when I was on a pretty long dry spell.

[Zingoleb]

I happened to look down last night and saw a flyer for a band called Bua.

Hmm.

[Lupercal]

anybody ever have a kind of importantish life decision to make and then make it based on what you think might be a sign, or fate, or something pushing you in a certain direction?

I was going to leave my job (I'm almost done at University) in June, as I hope to get work experience and an actual paid job afterwards. I'm currently working in retail, but some "complications" (i.e., HR manager being completely unprofessional and absolutely terrible at her job) have arisen lately to make me leave like, now. Their solution to my problem of having to come and go between two different stores (from when I'm at home or at University) is to just not pay me for three weeks. Well, if my notice period is four weeks, you can guess what letter they'll be getting soon.

Yay for being penniless but no longer working for a terrible faceless corporation!

[valley_parade]

I happened to look down last night and saw a flyer for a band called Bua.

Hmm.

And you didn't send me a picture? I am disappoint..

[Patrick]

Guested at a friend's gig last night, wound up chatting up this super cute girl. She invited me to come hang out with her and some of her friends at her place. Hot tubbing, drankin, shmokin, and cuddles. And I made a good impression by not instigating any funny business. I think I might actually be Growing Up. Neat!

[Zingoleb]

I happened to look down last night and saw a flyer for a band called Bua.

Hmm.

And you didn't send me a picture? I am disappoint..

I did not have my phone, but I did find their website.

[valley_parade]

And they're an Irish band? Neat.

[Barmymoo]

Until you quoted that, I thought the band was called Blue and didn't get it.

[blanktom]

Hey blog thread.

Since like, last February after my last relationship went to shit, I started seeing this girl on and off with varying degrees of seriousness until Halloween when we finally got together properly and did 'I love you's' and shit. Anyway, over the last month or more I've kind of changed a bit as a person. I've started thinking more about my general outlook and what it means to me as a person, and realised she's totally different to me. And I'm pretty sure I've fallen out of love with her because of it.

Quick explanation - She's incredibly sentimental, and struggles to let go of everything in the past. She also worries a lot about the future (hers, mine, ours). Lastly, she has an INCREDIBLY reactionary temperament. I, on the other hand, hold on to absolutely nothing in the past, and struggle to even think about the future (near or far), let alone worry about it. I suffer from a chronic inability to stress or get wound up.

As a philosophy I am overtly aware of the impermanence of all things and thing that inner happiness/contentment is paramount in life, and that she should care for herself more than anything else and if she can make herself a truly happy person, good things and good people will come to her. She doesn't seem to agree. I want to move back to being friends with her but apparently she adores me and will not take it well.

I'm unhappy, what do I do?

[Carl-E]

OK, let's pretend this is the relationship advice thread; 

She souds clingy.  Worse, it sounds like you feel she's clingy. 

What has changed so much that you, the person who lives for the here-and-now, can't find some of that impermanent happiness with this person?  Her outlook may be a bit different than yours, but it sounds more like you're afraid of her than anything else. 

Don't talk yourself out of something before it even starts.  If it doesn't work, end it.  But don't end it before you even know. 

Disclaimer: experience will teach you what to avoid.  If you've had a relationshi[p like this in the past, and it's raising warning flags for you, then yes, stay away.  Otherwise, give it a try! 

[dr. nervioso]

Does the relationship advice thread even exist? I thought we killed it.

[pwhodges]

It's not far down the list; anyone can revive it if they wish, or start their own.

[Patrick]

Man I have been having such a great last few weeks, and even yesterday was awesome, and yet right this minute I'm taking the time to think out how I'm going to sustain this "pursuit of stardom" stuff, how I'm going to get a part-time job and find a proper place to stay long-term, and I now feel weighted down by a crushing sense of inadequacy in terms of being able to handle it.

God damn it. It's lame how I can sustain such a happy-go-lucky attitude for such a long time, keep a positive head through so much bullshit, and then one day I just feel like total shit about myself. Maybe it's because I have to find a new place again in the next week, and I still have nowhere to go. I don't know how many more of these fucking moves I can take.

[Mister D Nomms]

I've changed my sleep schedule around from going to bed at 7 am and waking up at 10 pm to going to bed around 9 pm and waking up at 6 am. I now wake right up and don't feel groggy in the morning. It's nice.

[Zingoleb]

That sucks Patrick, and actually I'm going through super similar things right now. A lot of times it's just depressurising from all the bad things that have happened - like feeling like shit is my eventual reaction to having shit thrown at me, even if I face it when it happens without a problem

it's actually really hard for me because I finished off the third round of testing for this job and sent off the results about a week ago and now have not heard anything back and to be honest I'm kind of counting on this job and I'm freaking out over this continued silence

but I mean hey if I don't get this job I can just move to oakland hahaha

hahaha

(I do not want to move to oakland)

[Carl-E]

Zingo,

Remember, rejections tend to come faster than approvals - this is one of the rare cases where no news is (more than likely) good news. 

[valley_parade]

(I do not want to move to oakland)

But you could hang with Mr. Cooper.

[Patrick]

More importantly, my band needs a permabassist and/or a permadrummer. Come to the Bay!

[Zingoleb]

I AM ALWAYS THE GODDAMN BASSIST

I AM THE ONLY GUITARIST WHO CAN PLAY BASS

AND NOT SOUND LIKE A GUITARIST WHO GOT STUCK ON BASS



AARRRRRRRGH

[BeoPuppy]

Go, Raiders?

[Patrick]

I'll teach you drums if it means that much to you.

[Carl-E]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Sf_pogZ8jE