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Musician jokes!

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KharBevNor:
Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to tell the drum machine the beat once.

Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A: You can tell it's coming, but there's nothing you can do about it.

Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say Joe Satriani could do it better.

Q:  How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand.
A2: Just leave it out, no one will notice.
A3: One, but the guitarist has to show him how first.

Q: If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a viola off a 20-story building, which one lands first?
A: Who cares?

     
Q: What's the difference between a puppy and a singer-songwriter?
A: Eventually the puppy stops whining.

Q: What's the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

Q: What do you call ten bagpipers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: Why do bagpipers walk while they play?
A: To get away from the noise.

Q: How many country and western singers does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: 3. One to change the bulb, and two to sing about the old one.

Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
A: The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.

Misereatur:

--- Quote from: Valrus ---
--- Quote from: Gryff ---edit: damn, beaten to the first one.
--- End quote ---


Except you spelled it correctly.
--- End quote ---



I'm aware of the bad spelling, but Gryff got the joke
so there was no need to be offensive.


now back to topic:
Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a neon light?
A: 11. One to change it and ten to say how the new models are cold and heartless.

M3gaBigh:
A jazz player was hired to play with a symphony orchestra.  The first
movement was fine as there were some really hairy solo's.  However, during the second movement the jazzer started improvising furiously.  After the concert the conductor asked what all the impro' stuff was about.  'well man the score said 'tacit', so I took it.

Q: "What do you call a drummer with half a brain?"
A: "Gifted".

A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a
Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Duh, yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."

Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."

Q: Why to bands need Roadies?
A: To translate what the drummer says.

Q: "What was the epitaph on the blues players gravestone?"
A: "I didn't wake up this morning".

Q: What kind of diary does a piano accordion player have ?
A: A year a page.

Q:What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A:Drool

Q: What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A: A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.

Q: Why do drummers leave their drum sticks on the dashboard of their car?
A: So they can park in the disabled carpar

Q: Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A: So the rest of the band can understand them.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.

A Customer walks into a new shop on his street that sell brains.There are three glass cases,each containing a kilos worth of nice wet quivering grey brain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10. The second says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000. The third says "Drummer" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson. "why is it that the kilo of drummer's brains is so damned expensive?" he asked, the shop keep said,
"Do you know how many drummers it takes to get a kilo of brains?"


Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.


Q: "How do you get two drummers to play in time?"
A: "Shoot one"

Did you hear about the bass player that locked his keys in his car? He had to break the window to get the drummer out

Q: What's the difference between a dead wombat in the middle of the road and a dead piano accordion player ?
A:The wombat was on it's way to a gig

Q: "What's the range of a fretless bass?"
A: "Twenty yards if you have a good arm"

Inlander:
A joke about two instruments I love:

Q: What's a banjo used for?
A: Kindling for an accordion fire.

Also, if we want to get into jokes about specific performers:

Q: You have Sting, Rod Stewart, and Bryan Adams in a room, and a gun with two bullets.  Who do you shoot?
A: Bryan Adams, twice.


--- Quote from: Bastardous Bassist ---Q:  What is the deffinition of a quarter tone?
A:  Two oboes playing in unison.
--- End quote ---


I've also heard this one applied to tin-whistles.

Luke C:
Hehe keep em coming. Theres plenty more!

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