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The Funniest Quotes
rage:
--- Quote from: The Big Lebowski ---The Dude: It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh...
Donny: I am the walrus.
The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say...
Walter: That fucking bitch...
The Dude: Oh yeah!
Donny: I am the walrus.
Walter: Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
Donny: What the fuck is he talking about, Dude?
--- End quote ---
--- Quote from: The Big Lebowski ---Jesus: You ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.
The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
Jesus: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."
The Dude: Jesus.
Jesus: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Walter Sobchak: Eight-year-olds, Dude.
--- End quote ---
One of my favorite films.[/quote]
Luke C:
Two related jokes (guess the theme):
Futurama:
Robot Devil: And they keep touching me...in places
Fry: Yeah they get around alright.
Family Guy:
Peter: Why did the dinasours die?
Museum guy: Because you play with yourself at night.
Electric Monk:
Haha! A sampling of styles and wit!
Rocky: Bullwinkle, do you know what an A-Bomb is?
Bullwinkle: Sure, a bomb is what some people call our show.
Rocky: I don't think that's very funny.
Bullwinkle: Neither do they apparently.
Rocky: Bullwinkle, did you forget the plot again?
Bullwinkle: In a word, you said it.
Rocky: That's three words.
Bullwinkle: I'm a heavy tipper
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meatwad: This one time I rent me a pressure washer, start my own business called "Meatwad Pressure Washing." But then I's told, "You got to have a license for that." I said, "License? I ain't even s'posed to be in this country!" And then he got all mad.
Carl: I'm certainly not gonna sign for any more packages with the word "Congo" written in blood.
Master Shake: I got rid of my teeth at a young age because... I'm straight. Teeth are for gay people. That's why fairies come and get them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gwendolyn: In matters of utmost importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.
Lady Bracknell: To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness.
Jack: Good heavens, I suppose a man may eat his own muffins in his own garden.
Algy: But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to eat muffins!
Jack: I said it was perfectly heartless of you under the circumstances. That is a very different thing.
Algy: That may be, but the muffins are the same!
Danish McGill:
Here's one from Snatch.
Boris: Heavy is good. Heavy is sign of reliability. And if it doesn't work you can always hit him with it.
Mogman:
For those of you who dont know Quads! your missing out... (Sure its old, but i like it)
Reilly: I dunno if i'd be comfortable with you being, as my mother used to say
*Puts on high pitched voice* one of those homosexuals
Spalding: Look, number one, i'm a pro, two, we're all homosexual, and you haven't got any sensation in your arse anyway
Reilly: Hmm, fair enough, your hired
(Reilly = Recently cripped quadraplegic
Spalding = Big gay Australian carer/nurse)
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