Fun Stuff > ENJOY

The Funniest Quotes

<< < (4/12) > >>

Rizzo:
Black Books;

Fran: So what's it like then? The fags and booze.
Bernard: Well, to be honest, after years of smoking and drinking, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...
Fran: [Nodding, smiling] Yep...
Bernard: You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do     sometimes look at yourself and think...
Fran: [Still nodding] Yep...
Bernard: ... this is fantastic. I'm in heaven.

Gerald: [To Bernard] Oh, you remember Jimbo, don't you?
Bernard: I'm not sure... [to Jimbo] What do you do?
Gerald: No, he's our son.
Bernard: Oh thank god. I thought you had a disease! Oh, this is a child!

Fran: Okay, if I told you that the walls of my flat were actually moving in, would you think I was strange?
Bernard: No, I'd ask you to come round and look after my small children.
Fran: Look, if you don't believe me you can come around tonight and we'll watch the wall!
Manny: Don't be ridiculous, we'll be staying in and watching the thermometer tonight. Won't we, Bernard? Eh? Eh? Won't we?
Bernard: I don't know, it's an impossible choice. Walls, thermometers, I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.

SilentJ:
Another One from Snatch:

"What in the hell is that?!?"
"This is a shotgun, Soloman."
"That is a fucking anti-aircraft gun, Vincent!"

Some favorites from Aqua Teen:
"Try working the belt without these: the instructinons."
"I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!"

"Man, why doesn't it work on him?"
"Because those are Loverboy lyrics, Err.  And Loverboy has always sucked."

"Shake told me to go in the freezer 'cuz there was a carnival in there.  Ain't no carnival in there, it's a damn freezer! I got freezer burn and I got pushed up against a chicken..."

nuisance:
"I will have you boy, even if it must be by robbery!" - Uncle Monty in Withnail & I ... so many good lines, including most everything Danny the Dealer says.

"Will there ever be a boy born that can swim faster than a shark?" - Gareth Keenan, The Office

"Kicked the brown door in, painted it white on the way out!" - Nathan Barley bragging about a conquest that never actually happened, Nathan Barley

"Tell them I hate them!" - Prof. Farnsworth sees the Unka Lunkas, Futurama

News Anchorman: You must be very appreciative of this woman. She's like the mother that lifted the Volkswagon off her child, except you are the Volkswagon and the child is the child in all of us!
Jay: What are you talking about?
News Anchorman: I don't know. I was hired for my looks.
- after Jay is rescued from a fire by his make-up artist, The Critic

"He is not Ganesh! Ganesh is graceful!" - A wedding guest exposing Homer, The Simpsons

Can't pick one line from This Is Spinal Tap... that'll do for now.

Johnny C:
YOU'VE BEEN READING MY BLOG

-"Zarf," All My Children

Skibas_clavicle:
Snatch:
He's the get away driver? What the FUCK can he get away from?

one of my favourite simpsons quotes:
Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: I think I'm blind.

Office Space:
Michael: I told those fudge packers that I liked Michael Bolton's music!

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page