THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: J-cob9000 on 19 Nov 2008, 03:57
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I was broken up with because I was too much like her brother.
What's your excuse?
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Awww, Jens is a lot nicer than I would have been. This is a momentous occasion.
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Apparently offering to help someone stop harming his or herself is a bad thing.
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No, no, even then I still do not see it.
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He is saying that someone broke up with him after he offered to help her stop harming herself. What is so complicated here?
If this offer included a heaping dose of patronization then I can totally understand why she was annoyed.
Also, is patronization a word? Firefox certainly doesn't flag the spelling, but it feels kinda like I just made it up.
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Joe's got it right. Sorry, I wasn't being very explicit.
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Actually, I don't see this as that bad an idea for a thread. Hell, it could be fun. You remember fun, right guys?Let's maybe consider giving it a chance?
In terms of weirdest relationship ending...hmmm...
I'd have to say the weirdest reasoning I ever got was back in like 2005. My girlfriend suggested moving in together after both our leases ran up at the same time and we both wanted desperately out of our living situation. Weeks after moving in together, she started talking about marriage. She then broke up with me on the grounds that she felt I was getting 'too serious' and 'too clingy.'
The irony is not lost on me to this day.
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i told my born again christian boyfriend that i was pro-gay rights and that i believe the bible was not literally written by god - it was written by men.
immediately following this conversation he stopped calling me. at first i was confused but i finally got the message when he stood me up on my birthday.
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That's crazy.
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I left her a voicemail.
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Was the message of the voicemail that you want to break up, or was it a perfectly innocent voicemail that you left without realizing she hates voicemail and she broke up with you because of that?
She was an attractive but slightly crazy lady.
The best stories start this way.
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A voicemail raped her dog.
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I was broken up with because the girl in question had some funky Fae-Wiccan beliefs and believed that I was possessed by a demon.
She approached me in a crowded hallway and started chanting a spell at me.
Note that I never did anything remotely bad to her at all. I was actually a pretty nice, considerate guy back then. I think I set her off because I wanted to spend a bit more time with media production and less time spending EVERY WAKING SECOND with her doing what she wanted to do.
Of course there is always the chance she was right.
But I always have gone with the theory that she was batshit crazy.
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Was the message of the voicemail that you want to break up, or was it a perfectly innocent voicemail that you left without realizing she hates voicemail and she broke up with you because of that?
The voicemail was that we WERE breaking up. That woman was IMPOSSIBLE to get a hold of (she went to the University of Rhode Island, and I live in Western Massachusetts). Plus she was sleeping with dudes that were definitely not me.
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This one girl broke up with me because she apparently no longer found me attractive. What the hell?
I wish I had some better stories.
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He gave me a B+
jokes
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I just broke up with an ex because I no longer found him attractive. I am sorry October!(I have no idea your name) (hint, dudes, do not cry before, during, or after any sort of physical anything)
I don't really have any weird ones, and no one has ever broken up with me.. god I am boring.
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(hint, dudes, do not cry before, during, or after any sort of physical anything)
For the record, this mostly applies to girls too. Crying because you are overcome with joyful emotions is fine in certain contexts, but definitely don't shed tears in the "where did my life go wrong" sense.
no one has ever broken up with me.
Hey do you want to go out with me?
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Totally Johnny! But only if you dump me in a really terrible way after I nag you all day just so I can bitch about it on my LJ
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Awesome!
/
:-D
Wait, my name isn't Johnny.
fuck we are so over.
Crazy bitch.
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I just broke up with an ex because I no longer found him attractive.
Yeah, but the point is someone did this to me.
Also, that I didn't have any interesting breakup stories, so I went for a fairly common one!
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But women love spies!
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Awesome!
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:-D
Wait, my name isn't Johnny.
fuck we are so over.
Crazy bitch.
Shit! Man, dude, you should have txted this or left a post-it note.
Also, October man. The dude I did it too was pretty good lookin'
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I figure the next time I need to break up with someone, I'm going to use a carrier pigeon.
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Try to date someone who has a relative that was pecked to death.
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But women love spies!
At least I will be having lots of relations until I die of being a bad spy!
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I figure the next time I need to break up with someone, I'm going to use a carrier pigeon.
Or a note tied to a flaming arrow show through a window. Classic.
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I just want the breakup. I don't need an arson charge added onto it, man.
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Breaking up over the forums is obviously the classiest thing.
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In my very first relationship I discovered that we had broken up when the new boyfriend came over.
Fun times.
I was broken up with via email once. Mind you this was not an online relationship so I thought doing it via email was a tad cold. I would have preferred a voice mail message really.
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Breaking up over the forums is obviously the classiest thing.
hey shut up man she was cheating on me with johnny
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Maybe that's because Johnny isn't the kind of a dude who goes around ruining dreams.
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Being with him was like a dream..
but Jason! I only have eyes for you baby.
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jesus christ were you cheating on me with jason too???
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(hint, dudes, do not cry before, during, or after any sort of physical anything)
I cried a little when a dog bit me in the face one time. That was a physical something.
I am so unmanly!
*Sob*
I was broken up with via email once. Mind you this was not an online relationship so I thought doing it via email was a tad cold. I would have preferred a voice mail message really.
Weaksauce. I was once dumped via E-Mail and then informed via another E-Mail from her best friend she'd been cheating on me and didn't have the stones to tell me herself.
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Don't cheat with Jason. Any Jason. Anywhere. Yelley will grind your bones to dust.
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I know it was rather weak but it's what I had to go with.
I bow to your superior broken-up-with-fu.
Joe, it appears that our dear Drill King likes guys whose name begins with J. So keep an eye on Jon as well.
Granted this doesn't explain Tommy but then again what does?
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The drama that would erupt from that one would be absolutely hilarious.
Until I realized I was smack in the middle of it.
That would probably suck.
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*punches jon from behind in the left kidney*
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Joe, you should probably start punching everyone who's name starts with J...and T (because of Tommy)
Shit you should just punch everyone
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Reverse Bel-Air.
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For some reason girls think thanksgiving is a good time to break up with me. It's happened twice. yeah that's all I got.
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I am too competetive for my own good...
I got dumped on Christmas Eve...
Twice.
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the oddest end to a relationship I've had was probably this one time, after the girl in question and I had finished being "intimate" she looked at me and said "do you mind if I smoke?" it was her house so I didn't really care and said as much. she then proceeds to pull out a piece of tin foil and just starts to go at it. I respond with a "oh... oh you meant heroin... wow just... wow" yeah so that was the end of that business... I mean the least she could have done was offer to share.
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Reverse Bel-Air.
Please elaborate. I want the details of how to work a Bel-Air into a break up.
I don't have any interesting break up stories, really. When I was sixteen I was dating an older girl and I guess she just assumed I was her age and it never came up and she broke up with me when she found out I was only sixteen. Annnd another time a girl just straight up stopped talking to me. It wasn't even malicious or anything. I still see her around sometimes and it's friendly and not-awkard. It was kind of "just a fling" anyway, I guess. Secretly I think it was because she was really into DDR and I wasn't.
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http://xkcd.com/464/ (http://xkcd.com/464/)
The Reverse Bel-Air
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I don't see what RAM has to do with relationships Michael.
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I think he means Dance Dance Revolution. That could totally rip apart a relationship.
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Obviously not RAM-ing her enough
see wut i did there?
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When I broke up with my previous girlfriend she refused to accept that we were no longer dating and continued to follow me around. When I told her to get the hell away from me I was standing at the top of a flight of stairs, which she then attempted to kick me down...
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Yeah, I was talking about Dance Dance Revolution. I'll never forgive that game for blowin' up my spot.
I wouldn't be averse to dating a girl who was really into RAM though, I think.
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One of my relationships was ended because his step-mother didn't like me.
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man, i just typed up several pretty long posts and deleted them because they bummed me out and also i realized that no-one would want to read that shit because it was really not interesting at all. So i'll just leave it at this:
i was once broken up with before we had even admitted to being interested in each other.
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(hint, dudes, do not cry before, during, or after any sort of physical anything)
I cried a little when a dog bit me in the face one time. That was a physical something.
When I say physical, I mean sexually, if you hurt yourself in a non-minor way that is fine.
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Under what circumstances would that happen?
I can't imagine anyone crying during or after sex for reasons other than a) it physically hurt (wether because it was the person's first time or just done wrong) or b) that person is traumatized and sex for them is emotionally unpleasant/painful (and probably physically too, as a result).
Anyway, I've only been dumped once. My first ever girlfriend was much more experienced than me so the relationship was a whirlwind of new experiences with not much emotion attached. She dumped me because I didn't want to lose my virginity to her (or at all at the time) and after a month and a half she got tired of trying to get me to give in. Also in retrospect I realized that I was a clingy pest but I'm glad to have learned that lesson early on in a harmless way.
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I once quoted a Fight Club line in a voicemail. "You're the worst thing that ever happened to me". It was kinda cool, in retrospect.
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At least it wasn't "I want you to hit me as hard as you can."
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He went on a camping trip with some friends.
As far as I can tell he never returned. He just vanished.
Maybe he was eaten by a grue.
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Wow, that is strange, and pretty terrible. Could you elaborate?
Did the police get involved? How long were you together before it happened? Were you hurt?
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My first serious relationship ended with a fatal car accident but that's not so much weird as it was terrible.
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Man, this thread took a turn for the depressing...
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I had a date on my 19th birthday; I was a camp counselor at the time and so was he.
I headed to the program building for our night off, and his car was gone.
He came back at midnight and never spoke to me again. AWK-ward.
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House-sitting with my on-and-off girlfriend.
In the morning she comes up to where the kids' rooms are (where we slept) and sees her best friend and me do it like monkeys.
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I broke up with somebody for being clingy. He didn't say anything at the time and walked away. Two days later, he called me and told me that he was breaking up with me because he got the feeling that I wasn't as committed to relationship as I was.
I mean, I guess he was right...
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I was broken up with (and this is a dual reason) I lived South of Greenway avenue, and apparently, I didn't look good enough to date this girl. The girl in question dumped me with tears in her eyes because it was her friends that made her do it.
I was quite taken aback at that situation. Then again, I was 15 so I got over it in a few days.
Wait, I have another one.
When I was a freshman, I had this relationship with a girl that could be described as "about to be my girlfriend." Like, we hung out every single day after school, I hung out with her at lunch, all the freaking time we would hang out and talk and hug and stuff. But she just wanted to wait until the summer, because a good friend of hers was a senior (he would NOT do anything with her, he actually had a girlfriend), and she wanted him to move away, because she had a crush on him, even though she had told me she was interested in me. One week before the end of the year, I had a bad day and inadvertently took it out on her. She didn't talk to me again for 8 months. Apparently, I had a rage moment and had threatened some physical harm toward her friend (this used to happen when I was younger). I would later learn that she was in 'love' with me and that I totally broke her heart with what I said.
It made me feel terrible. Even now, typing that out, I feel so terrible.
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Under what circumstances would that happen?
I can't imagine anyone crying during or after sex for reasons other than a) it physically hurt (wether because it was the person's first time or just done wrong) or b) that person is traumatized and sex for them is emotionally unpleasant/painful (and probably physically too, as a result).
I actually know a dude who, when losing his virginity, allegedly lasted about twenty seconds and proceeded to cry in shame afterward.
ETA: And Jonas, that isn't weird, it's just fucking terrible, man.
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That is glorious.
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Don't cheat with Jason. Any Jason. Anywhere. Yelley will grind your bones to dust.
stay away from jason. jason is mine. all jasons are mine.
i am also boring. i have never been broken up with by someone else.
i do break up with people on whims sometimes though. if i ever get to a point where i realize that i can't see myself with a person in the long run, i'm done with it as soon as i get the chance to end it face to face.
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Under what circumstances would that happen?
I can't imagine anyone crying during or after sex for reasons other than a) it physically hurt (wether because it was the person's first time or just done wrong) or b) that person is traumatized and sex for them is emotionally unpleasant/painful (and probably physically too, as a result).
I actually know a dude who, when losing his virginity, allegedly lasted about twenty seconds and proceeded to cry in shame afterward.
ETA: And Jonas, that isn't weird, it's just fucking terrible, man.
Something similar to this, on a regular basis. Sometimes without even pulling out first.
I know TMI but seriously you asked. Mostly it was him being insecure and ashamed.
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When I was sixteen I was chased out of a girl's bed by her father. He had a kitchen knife. Apparently he was half-joking?
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See, my modus operandi seems to be leading people on, intentionally or accidently, maybe making out with them, leading them on so more, then avoiding them for a while before telling them 'oh uh sorry about that'.
See how I am not a good person.
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My last girlfriend came over when she got out of class, which usually meant furious dickings, but as soon as she got to my room she broke up with me. I asked if she still wanted to have sex and she told me not really so I kicked her out. She still calls me to see if i want to get back together with her.
I'll note we were both naked when she broke up with me, it was making out and stripping the entire way. I think I did something wrong.
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See, my modus operandi seems to be leading people on, intentionally or accidently, maybe making out with them, leading them on so more, then avoiding them for a while before telling them 'oh uh sorry about that'.
my heart, it is still broken.
i'm actually going through a weird break up right now. i'm sure i'll have some hilarious stories to tell about it later.
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I actually know a dude who, when losing his virginity, allegedly lasted about twenty seconds and proceeded to cry in shame afterward.
Man, apart from the crying that ain't no shameful thing, these things happen when you are young and exciteable. You just got to get back up and start over.
The first girl I ever asked out (in year 5, I think. I would have been about 11?) told me she couldn't go out with me because was changing schools. It was the final day of the year and she was supposedly not coming back the next year. I moped around all day and was sad over the holidays. The next year started and she was there. I asked her what was up and she said it was a "test to see if I actually liked her" or something. Her rationale was that if I actually liked her I would have hung out with her on that final day regardless of whether she said yes or no.
Please note that we were both 11. What the fuck.
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I'm dating his best friend.
wow, you're a bitch
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yeah, i am sorry for that.
but goddamn. that's the kind of thing that really fucking pisses me off.
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See, my modus operandi seems to be leading people on, intentionally or accidently, maybe making out with them, leading them on so more, then avoiding them for a while before telling them 'oh uh sorry about that'.
See how I am not a good person.
tee hee
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What pisses you off about it? I mean, it seems like the dude made his fucking choice.
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mmm i may have overreacted slightly.
In this case it's slightly more forgivable because yeah, the guy made his choice and he'll have to deal with that; but it's still a pretty unacceptable thing to do most of the time.
i just feel a little more strongly about it than most i guess, because it happened to me and it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me relationship-wise (though my situation was different and admittedly worse).
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I actually know a dude who, when losing his virginity, allegedly lasted about twenty seconds and proceeded to cry in shame afterward.
Meh, I probably lasted a good two minutes my first time. Shit happens, you just get back on the horse the next chance you get and give it another go.
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Yeah, if someone breaks the relationship off and then dates their ex's best friend that is a pretty shit thing for both the person and the best friend to be doing unless there are extenuating circumstances.
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Being aware that you are an awful person does not make it alright!
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Jeeze, this thread took a turn from the weird to the dig-deep-down-inside and take a look at your true self kinda' place now, didn't it?
I once broke up with a girl because she wasn't enough like Mary Jane from Spiderman.
I was eight.
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I once broke up with a girl because she wasn't enough like Mary Jane from Spiderman.
This is a legitimate reason to break up with a girl regardless of age.
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I am pretty sure that being "genuinely selfish" and not having any thought for others whatsoever is a fairly concrete negative thing. You can't just throw up your hands and say "well, that's me I guess!" and expect other people to deal with it.
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See that is my problem. I like people, for a variety of reasons, and would like makeouts. The funny thing is that people seem to connect makeouts and whatnot else involving physical intimacy to lead to relationships and that is not what I want. For a bunch of reasons, most of the time I don't think a relationship, a codependency would work or be really fulfilling. Maybe I am afraid of commitment, but I don't see the point in committing if I don't feel it.
I would be totally down for an open casual thing with someone and I would be happy if someone left me for someone who is a good match for them. I am just not in for pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend when I know that's not what I want.
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Well, you can just expect other people to deal with it, actually. I'm apparently wired a lot like Tommy is and there really isn't anything other people can do about it. Such behavior can really only be moderated by your conscience, unfortunately. Half the reason I'm so hardcore about thinking of right and wrong purely in terms of ethics is because I'm pretty selfish and would be a pretty bad person if I just acted according to my whims all the time. I'd like to think I'm a pretty decent guy, but really, I'm nice to people mostly because you catch more flys with honey, not because I'm really well acquainted with guilt or remorse.
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James: That doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that your expectations differ. I think that so long as you're honest with the person in regards to what you want out of the relationship then there's nothing wrong with that.
Alex: The key here is that you're trying to be a nice guy. Maybe I've read Tommy's post wrongly or something but that doesn't come across in what he's said. It just seems like he is saying that he's gonna do whatever the hell he wants and it's up to other people to deal with it.
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So theory and application in my case are not necessarily the same. My 'logic' centers fail and either my back-up 'freak-out' or 'make-out' circuits kick in.
I have not really talked fairly with people though, which is why I feel bad. It was on my Iron Week list but that went to shit when I was still an invalid with sore knees.
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As I'm constantly reminding people, life is so very very short. You exist for a fraction of time and you make ultimately no impact on anything. If you're not enjoying yourself, something is probably going wrong.
Whilst this is the kind of philosophy of life I'd happily subscribe to, it's also the kind of philosophy that makes me just want to drop college and everything and go out there and enjoy life. However, I figure that'd be a pretty bad thing to do, and that sometimes it's worth wading through the annoying, irritating, soul-crushing and breakdown inducing crap before you get to live a little carefree and enjoy yourself for a bit. Isn't it a bit ironic that living to enjoy yourself just seems a little stressful?
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I think the irritating thing is that not everyone is selfish/unselfish or social/anti-social to the same degree. Varying degrees of circumstances and evolution come about and variations occur. I'm considerably more selfish and less social than my sister, for example. All of our disagreements that I can think of in the past have come about from having different opinions about what is reasonable to expect from other people. My sister is very friendly and sociable. She gets annoyed that people are rude and don't always return greetings etc. On the other hand, I'm fairly reclusive and I find nothing more annoying than someone being relentlessly polite and then acting put out when I don't return the gestures. By my way of thinking, I don't really owe anyone anything until I ask them for something and they oblige. Everything else is volunteered. There's honestly days where I feel a bit put upon when a clerk at a cash register tries making small talk. My sister, on the other hand, wonders what she did to deserve being treated like an object rather than a person.
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Whilst this is the kind of philosophy of life I'd happily subscribe to, it's also the kind of philosophy that makes me just want to drop college and everything and go out there and enjoy life.
My take on the idea of always doing what you enjoy is similar to the view I read in one of Paul Graham's essays. He suggested that you should think about what you want in a time frame of one year. That is, at any given moment sure you'd rather be having sex or whatever, but it's much more productive to think in terms of always doing something that will lead to something you want within a year.
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Is funny! She remind me of last week, no?
In this case "nice guy" != "nice guy"
And I don't think that selfish behaviour is "thinking outside the box", or even very hard to grasp the idea of at all. As you said, humans are inherently selfish beings, but that is because we are animals and animals are inherently selfish. Being selfish is pretty much the default human state, that is why children behave in the manner they do and are so goddamned mean to one another sometimes.
I'm not even sure why I keep talking about this, because from what I've seen you're not how you describe yourself. From your actions it is evident that you do care about other people, I am not sure why you would say otherwise. I'm basically just arguing against something you have said rather than something you are, which seems pointless.
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i'll probably contribute to this discussion after i've taken the time to read it all, but for now here's my contribution to the thread's original topic -
i don't so much have "relationships" as "guys i am sleeping with" but i did have a thing with a guy last summer who would always, after sex, launch into this massive tirade about how much he hated this one girl (awkwardly enough, also a friend of mine) who had broken up with him after she realized she was gay and how, even though she had been with her girlfriend for almost two years at that point, it was "just a phase" and eventually she'd realize he was the one for her and rekindle the relationship. after it became apparent this was a major complex for him i decided the best thing to do would be to break things off so he could sort himself out. kind of unfortunate since i was only really looking for something casual at that point and he otherwise fit all the criteria of being incredibly smart and attractive and funny and good at sex and all that, but then there's that whole thing with the crazy ex-girlfriend hating and sort of offensive disrespect for gay couples.
i think it was the right decision to make.
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(sorry for de-railing you breakup thread)
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i was once broken up with before we had even admitted to being interested in each other.
This kind of happened to me, I admitted that I had a thing for this girl and shot down. No big deal really, then about a month later out of nowhere we have this conversation:
Her:"Remember when you asked me out?"
Me:"Yeah"
Her:"I really did want to but ...."
Me:"Oh, want to give it a try now?"
Her:"No, that was then."
Me:"Ok."
Me (Internally): "WTF."
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My breakup story really only involves my only ex-girlfriend.
In late 2005, my senior year of High School, this girl messages me on Myspace (who was apparently a friend of a friend) saying that I was adorable and cute, etc. She was blonde, wore glasses, looked kinda nerdy, was an alcoholic at the age of 16, a vegetarian and card-carrying PETA member, and had arguably the worst possible taste in music (Hawthorne Heights et al). However, she lived across town and at that point, I had utterly failed to hook up with any lady at that point. Now around that point I did not have the realization that I didn't have to date her or even talk to her, something I should have realized when the friend she knew me from told me that the girl was nothing if not bad news bears. However, being the desperate schmuck I was, I messaged her back and became friends with her.
Later that week, I get suspended from school for fighting with a friend during class and I get stuck home feeling like crap. So naturally the relationship blossoms from there. At some point we meet back at my school to see a play, and the week afterwards we declare ourselves as officially going out. Before I see her again, we're talking on the phone at which point during the hour mark of the conversation I tell her I love her.
Stupid, stupid Christopher.
In any case, she says she loves me back and we see each other again at her school for a play yada yada. That weekend she texts me, telling me "we need to talk", and we talk, and she says that we rushed into it way too fast. Cue me writing really really pathetic LJ entries.
Eventually, we meet up at her house a week later, watch Say Anything, and end up kissing each other. That night she goes to a party, gets super-mega-ultra drunk and drunk-dials me, telling me how much she loves me and wants to fuck me, etc. Needless to say a few days later we're back on.
Things go semi-well for the next two months or so, though we have patches of meh that are the usual dealings in any relationship. However, in about two months she says we should go on a break because she doesn't feel happy with me or whatever. News to me. So about a few days afterwards we're back on.
Then a few more weeks pass, and she calls me during my mom's birthday party, to which I tell her I'm busy. She calls back later that night, and tells me she wants to break up with me. I accept it and instead of feeling crappy, I felt several different kinds of relieved. The rest of that week I was coming up roses, she was feeling crappy for some odd reason, since she was the one who dumped me in the first place.
But stupid me can't let it end there; instead we linger in some shitty friends-with-benefits relationship that ultimately goes nowhere. The final straw came when I asked her out to the Senior Ball, she tells me she's going to a gay bar with her best friend and her brother for his birthday. I never talked to her again after that.
I saw pictures of her since I last saw her and she got chubby. Gee, I may be one to say "post hoc, propter ergo hoc" but you know...
Thankfully I'm dating a girl who is awesome now (for about two years and a month at this point in time), so if I never see my bitchy ex again it won't be soon enough.
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The weirdest breakup that ever happened to me actually happened a year before I found out about it.
"What's up with that?" I hear you cry. Well, basically we'd been really, really heavily into each other ("in love" for sure) for a year after 4-5 months of getting to be close friends, so we were very very strongly bonded, and she revealed to me that she was starting to feel really terribly uncomfortable with he body and her sexuality, for reasons that had nothing to do with me, and that while she loved me and wanted to be my companion, she was no longer interested in having any sort of sexual relationship with anyone.
This kicked off a year of me becoming more and more concerned with the prospect of not reinvigorating our sexual relationship, expressing those concerns to her in an extremely short-sighted and presumptive way (basically assuming that it would happen, and not even really considering the idea that she might not be into me anymore, let alone making any attempts to come to terms with that possibility). It was "That's OK, you should have your space" and then it was "How's the progress with your relationship with your sexuality going?" and then it was "Hey, um, I really want you to be OK with yourself, are you sure I can't help?" and then it was "This is starting to really grate on me, I can't help you bring our relationship back to what it was, I don't know what to do" and then, finally, after about a year of things getting worse and worse, I stayed up all night one night retelling the whole story to myself, realizing the amount of pressure I'd been putting on her and the incredibly arrogant way I was treating the relationship, and I apologized to her for everything, and also got her to finally admit that she actually wasn't into me at all anymore (something that had developed over that year and that she'd been holding back for fear of causing me real pain).
I was a huge dick for a year, she was totally uncommunicative and refused to actually process her desire to break up with me, the fault for the whole thing was shared. But I learned a LOT from it.
PS: I think I understand where Tommy's coming from, and I don't think that a word as heavily loaded with negative connotations as "selfish" is appropriate. It sounds totally considerate, in a twisted sort of way ... if you fully understand that everyone's ultimately only responsible for their own development and their own lifestyle and actions, then refusing to change the way you act to accommodate the lives of others is ultimately just the intuitively most helpful thing to do for them ... assuming people learn from their mistakes, and if they don't that's nobody's fault but their own. Being affectionate and generous then becomes something that you do because you like to, not because you think it's "the right thing to do" for the sake of acting ethically towards others. In this regard it's totally possible to be extremely "selfish" and extremely generous at the same time ... if being generous is something that you feel is helpful to yourself in a way that matters more than the possessions or energy you give to others, then it's totally compatible with selfishness, or at least, the brand of selfishness that I think Tommy's talking about. Basically I don't think "selfishness" is a good word for it because it has too many negative connotations.
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I think that there is a difference between neglecting someone because you are selfish or don't care about them and the idea of with-holding aid from someone because you care about them and wish for them to learn from the experience and advance themselves. The former is a negative, the latter seems harsh at times but is altruistic at heart.
To attempt to stop my own derail, here's another one from me, kind of. I went out with a girl in High School and didn't know what I was supposed to do with her because I was ridiculously naive about girls. The relationship ended when her family moved up to Queensland, and in her farewell card I wrote something like "Goodbye <name>, I hope you find a better boyfriend than I was." I meant well.
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I can't be bothered to write it out, so here is something that was prepared way in advance and is only coincidently appropriate.
(http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y258/jimmy5times/PAINTCOMICS-1.jpg)
Then there was the time my girlfriend in highschool cheated on me with some dude that her friend used to go out with so that he'd give her a ride into the city. She told me this after being horrible to me for two months because I wasn't spending any time with her (this was because I was studying for and taking my end of highschool exams). Anyway I of course broke up with her and she proceeded to call me an average of 28 times a day for two weeks (from various numbers) to cry and beg me to take her back. Last I heard she was telling everyone at my old highschool (I was two years above her) that she broke up with me because I got violent or something. Now sometimes I get dirty looks from people whose names I don't know but whose faces are vaguely familiar. It's a bit weird.
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The weirdest break up I ever had was also the worst, and also the only one wherein I got dumped, as opposed to doing the dumping myself. Things were going along fine (I thought) and then suddenly I didn't hear from the guy for a couple of days and then out of the blue he called me and said, "yeah, this isn't working" and that was that. I never did get a reason for it, either.
Edit: Also I would like to argue about the word selfish and its supposed negative connotations. I am selfish. I serve myself first. If I didn't, that would be kind of silly, right? Our biological imperatives are to survive and to propagate the species, and you can't have the latter without the former, and you can't be surviving unless you give yourself the attention and resources to do so. I definitely put my needs before other people's, although I have learned to do some prioritising (like if a person I care about is bleeding out of their eyes, chances are I will be willing to take them to the hospital before going to make myself a sandwich if I am hungry). Other people are resources: the provide information, or the feed me, or they give me sex, or they make me happy.
Self-centeredness is a lot of the same thing, except it is where you think of yourself and your needs to the exclusion of all else. I think this is what people think of when they think "selfish", because they are really quite close synonyms. I would say that selfishness is not nearly as bad as self-centeredness, though, even if it is my opinion.
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I tend to think that cynicism means that all actions have severely selfish ulterior motives that can or will hurt others. Or that's the case with me.
I've had friends that are girls freak out on me for no reasons, some for good reasons, some for semi-good reasons. Nothing worth noting.
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life is the longest fucking thing i ever agreed to.
And even then, it's not like I was really given a choice.
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I went out with a girl in High School and didn't know what I was supposed to do with her because I was ridiculously naive about girls.
That about sums up my early dealings with girls.
comic
ah man, your little comic reminded me of a comic I drew about me being an asshole to a girl, but I can't find mine anymore.
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You exist for a fraction of time and you make ultimately no impact on anything.
I don't think you believe this, given how much time you spend telling people to try and be decent to each other and such. Also, you do make a difference, and even if you didn't it still doesn't excuse acting like you don't.
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I was in a messy pseudo-relationship with a guy 8 years my senior (we will call him D!) - who happened to have a girlfriend that I was unaware of. I'd known him for a few years, and I'd refused his advances (the age difference, we didn't know each other well) until finally I said fine, let's go out. We dated (as in, went on dates) for a few months; everything was amazing. I was over the moon for D and he seemed to be just as fond of me.
One bright morning I woke to find an email waiting for me...from a girl who had this to say: "Hey bitch, I know about you and my boyfriend, f---ing whore." Needless to say I was a little shocked. I called him and said, "Hi D, I know you're at work but maybe you could give me a shout on your break? Your girlfriend really isn't happy with me."
They broke up, and he and I continued to see each other - what an awful decision on my part, right? Well, like I said, I was smitten. It was hard for us to spend time together, as he worked nights and I went to school and had a part time job. We managed to find a few hours here and there. (Canadian) Thanksgiving weekend he was supposed to come spend a night with me but he called and bailed the day before. I was very very angry, and spent the Saturday alone...and then he showed up on my doorstep at 11:30 on Sunday night.
We spent all night talking about what we were. We broke up, because it just wasn't working - the time for us to be together was just not there and he was scared he was going to break my heart. Obviously then we slept together (my first time...) and he left in the early morning. I was okay with it, it was best if we were over.
Until he called me a few days later wanting to see me, and I said "But I thought we were done?" However according to him, nothing about that night meant we were over at all. We continued spending almost no time together and exchanging messages and phone calls talking about how absolutely wonderful the other person was. I got bored of it though, and when I met a guy my age who was geeky, cute and totally into me, I started seeing him.
This new relationship turned out to be pretty lasting...and D and I just stopped. We just stopped finding time to see one another, messages got fewer and further between...there was no fight, no real ending, we simply disappeared out of each others' lives. It's still the strangest thing to me - and he was right, he did break my heart.
tl;dr: I fell in love with a guy 8 years older than me, we dated, I lost my v-card to him and never saw him again.
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A week after my first-ever "girlfriend" thing began, after several instances of getting in trouble at work from her calling me ALL THE FUCKING TIME, she decided I wasn't pampering her enough, and that my D&D friends were too nerdy for her to allow me to keep hanging out with them. I pretty much was like "Fuck you, at least my friends are nice people who don't center their lives around cocaine and meth like yours do." That was a pretty clear 'it's over' message and I never talked to her civilly again, even when she came in to my work as a customer.
I found out a couple months later that her grandma had finally gotten tired of her shit and shipped her off to a military academy. As the story goes, the gym teacher was like "I miss Jordan, what about you guys?" and got crickets. Good riddance, the giggling cunt.
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my thoughts on selfishness are pretty similar to how evolution theorists also view it, as something that's completely inherent and underlies just about everything people do. it's something people don't want to think about because for some reason or another this has become a really negative word, but it makes complete sense to me to think that human beings pretty wouldn't do anything at all if it didn't benefit them in some way because those behaviors are the only ones that could understandably be passed on from generation to generation. i think the trick is that we've learned to completely and unquestioningly rationalize 99% of the selfish things we do and ascribe to them motivations other than selfish ones so as to allow those behaviors to continue to exist. it's so automatic we don't even realize we're doing it. like, i don't help my friends when they're upset because i want to avoid feeling terrible and guilty, i help them because they need it. i don't volunteer because it makes me feel like a good person and increases my sense of self-importance, i volunteer because i genuinely want to give my time to others. and so on.
i try not to think about it not just for the reason that it bums me out but because knowing the reasons why people do what they do won't change the actual behavior itself, so why bother worrying about it? in the end we've all developed a whole bunch of ultimately functional behaviors which is to me the important part, not the means by which they developed.
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I'm dating his best friend.
wow, you're a bitch
As a few people have noted, this largely depends on the circumstance of the breakup. When my first serious girlfriend and I broke up, I started seeing her best friend like a week later. This was all kinds of fucked up in a lot of ways I won't get into, but I'd say it was fair since I was the one that was dumped. If you dump someone, you pretty much have zero license to be offended by anyone they choose to date following you.
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She turned into Voltron. Robot ladybits = chafing!
On a thread applicable note, one girl I dated went out to dinner with me, invited me up to her apt., and then either talked around me to her roommate, watched youtube videos for about an hour while I was on the other side of the room, and basically forgot/ignored the fact I was there. I left her apt. incensed and figured we were done. 2 weeks later I get an e-mail from her with an apology that she's spineless and a coward. wtf...?
thankfully, it was only a couple weeks we'd been seeing each other that whole time. Not to worry! I have since found myself in a better place.
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on the topic of the whole "it's okay to get mad at people based on who they date" mentality, i don't get it either. i try to view relationships in the broad sense that people don't belong to other people and they can have whatever consenting relationships they want with each other. if i broke up with a guy and he started to date a friend of mine, i'd probably be incredibly upset about the situation itself but i don't see how it makes any sense at all to actually feel anger towards either of them since, to me, that would imply that for some reason or another i have a say in their relationship or that they deliberately chose to feel attraction towards each other in order to spite me or that it's taboo because the guy technically still belongs to me or some other fucked up self-centered reasoning. i just go by the philosophy that people, unfortunately, are sometimes going to make decisions that for personal reasons will make me very unhappy and it's my responsibility to sack up and deal with it cos my personal issues with their behavior are not their concern and shouldn't be.
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WHS
I like Prime Minister Balfour's expression of it: Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.
Some people deliberately sacrifice their happiness to gain a little extra immortality by passing on advantages to their children; it hardly ever works out, and remains insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
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High school. Me, my best guy friend, and my best girl friend were all... well, friends. Spent a lot of time together. Feelings develop beyond mere friendship. To this day, I'm not sure whether or not I was in love with her, as it would have been my first time, but I think I was. Same with the guy friend and girl friend. By the way, we're all total geeks and virgins, so intimacy is limited to making out and some petting, but most clothing stayed on. Still, I'm not feeling right about making out with a girl who was just making out with my best friend last night. I talk to him, and he's feeling the same way. Eventually, friendships are threatened and nobody really wants that, so she really needs to make a choice and hopefully everyone will be okay with it.
So she comes over to my house one night and explains to me that I am not the chosen one. Then plants a kiss on me to break all previous records. My hands start getting a bit bored but they think of a few things they'd like to do, but she stops them and pulls away. "Don't do that" she says. I was already confused as hell, this didn't help at all, but okay I stop. She says she really has to get going, she's going out with him tonight. Fuck.
I'm not exactly a gracious loser, and the next day I can't help but "let it slip" that I was making out with her only hours before she went over to his house. Yeah, it was uncalled-for, but this was high school. He respectfully requests that I back off; I tell him that she's made her choice, what more does he want?
She calls me later, upset that I'd told him that we'd made out, so I take the opportunity to ask her what that was all about anyway. She said it was "to let me know we were still friends". Um... okay. She and I are still friends, he and I are still friends, but they hate each other now because she cheated on him later and it got ugly.
Yeah, boring story, but weirdest ending of a relationship I've ever endured.
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I am too competetive for my own good...
I got dumped on Christmas Eve...
Twice.
Christmas Day for me.
Granted, it was a mutual situation and it happened while makeouts where going on and then we didn't talk for like, three weeks and got back together three days before he left the country.
Yeah, that was all kind of weird now that I think about it.
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Mine was a mix of that and something someone else mentioned earlier.
My girlfriend called me to dump me on Christmas Eve, her reasoning being a plan to leave for school in NY, which was news to me.
I eventually found out that was actually bullshit.
The second time was my own fucking fault, though, because I actually lacked the presence of mind to not date that particular individual a second time.
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Never actually been in what you call a "relationship." Apparently there is something in my saliva that makes dudes go crazy after making out with me. They either inexplicably freeze me out orrrr weird me out with excessive clingyness. The second category belongs to my most recent encounter who forced me to act like a bitch. Drunken hookups, for me, never end well and this was no different. Sample conversations:
him: do you think you'll still like me in the morning when you're sober?
me: maybe?
him: hey do you like Dragonball Z?
me: you just killed my boner
him: aww don't leave
me: you'll get over it
(the next morning i was hungover and just wanted to get the hell out so I shook his hand real quick but he wouldn't let go)
me: don't be gay
him: we have so much in common! you are just like me
me: yeah except I have a vagina and you are one
I like it when guys like me, but don't be a total pussy about it.
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I figure the next time I need to break up with someone, I'm going to use a carrier pigeon.
I prefer explosives myself. But coating a car in birdshit would certainly be up there...
I'm dating his best friend.
wow, you're a bitch
Standard rule about ex-dating-friend is, don't. Even if he/she says it's cool.
His best friend's apparently not much of a friend :P
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You'll be one of the rare ones if it lasts and doesn't take a turn for the bizarre a few years down the road :P
But hell, life's short so do what makes you happy, right?
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It's really not that rare. I know plenty of people who have done such things; I've done it myself. Car crash girl dated my best friend before I got together with her. The guy is still my best friend. I lived with him for nearly 2 years before he up and moved to Hawaii. I suspect the situation is often seen as impossible partly because the people who are capable of handling such a scenario succeed by not making a big deal about the situation. The people who cannot handle it, on the other hand, tend to be the sort that who can't keep from going ABLA BLA BLOO BLOO and making damn sure everyone who might care knows what happened.
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That happened to me, my friend kinda rushed into a relationship with a girl he was friends with (Big group of friends) then he found out she had a massive crush on me or some shit and he happily told her to go for it and told me to go out with her too.
I didn't but in retrospect I should have, I was just being mean without wanting to be. About a year later she left the country though so is all good.
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re: friends and exes - I think the amount of time between relationships is an important factor, too. My best friend got together with my ex (first boyfriend, we were together well over 2 years) only a couple months after we went through a very, very bad breakup. She basically decided that banging him was more important than us staying friends, lots of drama, yada yada yada, haven't spoken to either of them in quite a while now. Probably the biggest reason it was so hard for me was just because it was so soon after our breakup and I wasn't over it yet.
All that to say, I think it's easier for people to handle that kind of situation after gaining some emotional distance from the situation - and for some that takes longer than others.
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Yeah, Christmas Day breakup guy - ended up dating one of our mutual friends. It was long enough after the fact for me to be sorta okay with it, and now, for me, after being in other relationships since, I couldn't care less. They are happy, I'm happy in my relationship - no problems. I still talk to both of them occasionally and it doesn't seem weird so all is good.
So yes, I totally think it is okay - but in some situations more than others. ummmkay's situation perhaps was a bit... ergh. Not cool. But I mean, if all parties are okay with it then it isn't really anyone else's place to chuck a hissy fit about it.
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I have never understood these "rules" about dating. I will hunt down and fuck whomever I damn well please, and if you are my ex and the individual in question happens to be your best friend, well, chances are I am not thinking of you! You want to talk about self-centeredness? That is the reason you would ever think that someone was dating your best friend "just to get back at you", and that is the reason you would ever think you have a say in someone else's choices about their life. I will "date" your best friend because I think they are hot, not because I am out to get you. If you and I have broken up, I am probably not interested in doing anything to do with you at all, and just because your best friend happens to be YOUR best friend does not make them an extension of you.
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Katie is doing it right. That is how all people should operate. My rules for dating are simple:
1. No incest
2. No animals
3. No Tommy (fucker gets enough play as it is)
4. If your relationship is monogamous, fucking keep it that way
They all seem pretty reasonable to me. I mean, I'm not going to be inconsiderate and just discount other people's feelings (unless they've been really shitty or unreasonable about things, at which point I don't care). But hell, as long as the other person is lucid and consenting, I say "Fuck it, fair game."
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The whole thing about not dating your friend's ex is, for me anyways, more a matter of making them feel comfortable and ensuring there are no hurt feelings among people you're friends with. I mean, if I broke up with someone and a friend of mine wanted to go out with them, I would have no problem with it - I'd probably prefer it if they waited a week or two, but that's not really that much of an issue. If the girl broke up with me, and my mate wanted to go out with her, I'd hope that he'd consider my feelings enough to wait until I was cool with it, and expect some minor awkwardness/uncomfortable jokes.
If I broke up with someone and wanted to date their best friend, I'd probably wait a while - I don't want to hurt someone's friendships, even if it means delaying gratification for a while. If they broke up with me, though, I don't think they could complain if I went after their friend soon after though. Unless we were trying to stay friends or whatever.
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if it were me, i'd probably ask them politely to keep their distance from me until i felt comfortable with the situation. otherwise there's no way i can work this out in my mind without the guy who wants his ex and best friend to stop dating ending up being the asshole. people can have consenting relationships with whoever they want and it's up to those who aren't okay with it to figure out how to be.
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I went out with my best friend's ex. Granted it didn't end up perfectly but we went out for over a year and a half and I am happy for the time we did have together. I mean, I made sure my friend (HOUSEMATE X for anyone who is interested) was ok with it before I made a move on the young lady because I didn't want his feelings to be hurt but yeah, I think it's ok as long as everyone is clear about what is happening.
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i think it's the part where it comes to making sure the person who's ex you're dating is "okay with it" that is a weird area for me. if not being "okay with it" meant that seeing us together is kind of hard for them right now and so maybe we should try not to talk about the relationship too much and try to keep our distance from them and maybe be extra-sensitive, that would be totally understandable (among best friends i don't see why not). if, however, not being "okay with it" meant "no man i really don't want you to date her that is bullshit" i'd honestly probably think "well fuck you guy" and go for it anyway. i'll be sensitive to your feelings but i am not okay with this whole notion that people can tell their friends what relationships they can or can't be in or act like their exes are their property. maybe that last bit is me reading into this too much but it's kind of how i view it.
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Whether it's cool to date a friend's ex is a sticky thing and depends on a fuckton of variables. I'm tempted to make a flow chart.
I'm going to list the basic details of what happened in my situation. The basic conclusion to sum it up beforehand is: everyone did everything about as absolutely wrong as it could be done short of all of us killing each other in the end:
I was dating my first serious girlfriend for just shy of a year. A week shy of our anniversary, she dumped me out of nowhere. She'd been acting cold for a while and I should've seen it coming, but I didn't.
We got back together a couple days later and continued to date for another three months before she cheated on me and broke up with me. In the meantime, my best friend Kenny had dated her best friend Stef, fallen madly for her and then she dumped him because he was getting too clingy.
After my breakup, Stef was the one who told me my ex had been cheating on me. She also told me that said ex had slept with Kenny during the prior breakup. Kenny apparently convinced her to break up with me and sleep with him, then AFTER the act, got cold feet and told her he would fuck her, but not date her because he wasn't sure how it'd affect our friendship.
Stef started making advances towards me and I eventually went with it. I wasn't attracted to her and I really didn't like her in much of any way. I will fully admit that I was dating her purely out of spite towards my ex and my friend. I've never felt any guilt towards this as I'm full out certain she knew this, as I'd like to think it's obvious that she only told me everything in an effort to get in my pants. It apparently had a huge affect on the ex, though I'm not sure to this day how my friend felt. Right after I found out, I confronted him and told him to stay the hell away from me. I haven't actually seen him since.
The moral of the story, I guess, is you need to be careful with shit like this. It can destroy friendships and, whether you care about the ex's feelings or not, there could be someone in the situation who does care. I still talk to Stef from time to time, as it was an emotionless fling. I haven't talked to my ex in a while, more out of apathy than actual distaste, we actually got to be decent friends for a little while. Kenny, I haven't seen since the whole mess. After about three years, I went to his dad's house in an effort to get in touch with him. His dad was quite happy to see me, but Kenny had joined the army and outside of one brief phone conversation in 2005, I haven't talked to him at all since 2002. I was hurt by what she did to me, a lot, but his involvement killed me inside for a long while. We'd been friends since we were nine and we'd actually met as infants. Nine years of friendship was basically flushed down the shitter by four teenagers handling an idiotic situation about as poorly as possible.
My basic point is that if you have a shot at your friend's ex: don't. There are so many billions of people in the world, you're best off not risking fucking up a valued friendship for the sake of getting laid.
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ah see, i was thinking more along the lines of when you think there's really a very good chance of the relationship working out but then you're sort of forced to abandon it because they are your friend's ex and there are rules and etc etc. you are right though, it all depends on a lot of different variables and grey areas.
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Katie is doing it right. That is how all people should operate. My rules for dating are simple:
1. No incest
2. No animals
3. No Tommy (fucker gets enough play as it is)
4. If your relationship is monogamous, fucking keep it that way
They all seem pretty reasonable to me. I mean, I'm not going to be inconsiderate and just discount other people's feelings (unless they've been really shitty or unreasonable about things, at which point I don't care). But hell, as long as the other person is lucid and consenting, I say "Fuck it, fair game."
lucid and consenting are the top 2 things I look for in a guy
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him: hey do you like Dragonball Z?
me: you just killed my boner
I am sig quoting the shit out of that.
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Kenny apparently convinced her to break up with me and sleep with him, then AFTER the act, got cold feet and told her he would fuck her, but not date her because he wasn't sure how it'd affect our friendship.
Wow this guy's smart.
1. No incest
2. No animals
3. No Tommy (fucker gets enough play as it is)
4. If your relationship is monogamous, fucking keep it that way
5. No abuse / exploitation
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him: hey do you like Dragonball Z?
me: you just killed my boner
I am sig quoting the shit out of that.
yay! i feel so so honored
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3. No Tommy (fucker gets enough play as it is)
4. If your relationship is monogamous, fucking keep it that way
I feel like this was not random placement.
Man, you know I couldn't actually think of something that funny by myself. The humor I actually consciously come up with is usually only as elaborate as "cocks cocks cocks."
Also, KvP, I figured your rule #5 is just a general rule of thumb for life in general, so I omitted it from my list. Works for me, though.
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I've never been dumped before, which is annoying cos I gotta do it all myself.
I had a cup of tea thrown at me once by a girlfriend, and nearly got dumped then and there, but then oh how I retaliated and quoted something amazing by Oscar Wilde (probably not the best when it comes to relationships, all things considered) and the relationship stayed stable for a while (by that, I mean about two hours or so, and when I got home I rang her up and broke up with her, because I didn't want to risk getting scolding water thrown at me again)
Good times
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At least it wasn't "I want you to hit me as hard as you can."
That's a whole 'nother story, my friend.
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My last ex-girlfriend, after I had been dating her for around 8 months or so, woke me up with a text message around 4 o' clock in the morning. I found this odd, because we had never really texted each other before, but I figured she had some reason for texting instead of calling. She was depressed about something that I can not remember now, and I was attempting to console her for about 30 minutes. By that time the conversation had strayed to much happier topics, and suddenly I got a text saying she was breaking up with me.
The next morning, I went over to her house, and we watched a straight-to-video movie starring a lot of Ewoks, made out, and I went home. That Monday at school, she stopped talking to me.
I really don't know what happened with that one. She never gave me an explanation as to why we broke up. Yet, less than 8 months later, at the age of 17, she married a 25-year-old guy who had a 7-year-old son. Now, having just turned 18, she is pregnant with a child of her own. Though I find this odd, she seems pretty happy, so I am happy for her.
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This happened to a friend of mine. I have never had a funny break-up story, so I am stealing hers.
Her: My aunt has thyroid cancer. They are going to have to do a thyroidectomy.
Him: Will she be able to walk?
Her: Um?
Him: 'Cuz, the thyroid, that's like, on the leg, right?
Her: I'm leaving you.
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I really don't know what happened with that one. She never gave me an explanation as to why we broke up. Yet, less than 8 months later, at the age of 17, she married a 25-year-old guy who had a 7-year-old son. Now, having just turned 18, she is pregnant with a child of her own. Though I find this odd, she seems pretty happy, so I am happy for her.
I have a story similar to this one, and all I can look back and think is "Wow, dodged a bullet there".
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I've had some weird breakups, which is only fair since I've had some weird girlfriends, but I just don't understand when people say "...and I never found out why".
In some of these stories, the breakup occurred, they even saw the person after that, made out, continued being friends, whatever, and finding out why they broke up never come up in conversation? And if you're still fucking each other, did you really officially break up?
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Oh god friends with benefits is such a bad call.
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I completely disagree. Friends with benefits can be an excellent break from responsibility, especially if you're recently off of a serious relationship.
Nothing wrong with two people accepting they have biological needs but having no desire to delude themselves into thinking they genuinely care about each other much beyond that. As long as both people know the deal, I find it perfectly acceptable.
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I should clear up. I meant becoming friends with benefits with the person you've just broken up with. It was kind of implied because of the above posts but I wasn't clear enough.
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Okay, yeah, that's generally disastrous because you will almost always see one of the people become reattached and lead to drama.
I actually did it once. It was fun for a little while, but then she started talking about maybe someday becoming serious again and after much thought I remembered why that would be a terrible idea. Didn't stop me from continuing on, though. Eventually, I broke it off after she slept with another dude and I felt some jealousy over it. Note, I didn't dump her because she slept with another dude, as that was never established as out of bounds. I dumped her because I knew that if I felt jealous, the smart thing to do was probably to stop doing what I was doing. I also explained this thoroughly to her. She was hurt, quite badly it seemed, but it was for the best.
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My last girlfriend and I tried that. I stopped it pretty soon because it was clear that she was trying to get me back by any means necessary, despite my being upfront with her that we are never getting back together. During the process I used that as an excuse but I've since realized that common sense doesn't apply to a party scorned.
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It's too bad common sense doesn't really override feelings completely. I guess the metaphor I would use is that a failing relationship is a lot like having a fish hook stuck deep in your finger. Pulling the thing out is pretty bad, but you still need to get the damned thing out so you can move on with the rest of your day. Knowing this lets you steel your resolve, but it doesn't really make it hurt any less.
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It's too bad common sense doesn't really override feelings completely. I guess the metaphor I would use is that a failing relationship is a lot like having a fish hook stuck deep in your finger. Pulling the thing out is pretty bad, but you still need to get the damned thing out so you can move on with the rest of your day. Knowing this lets you steel your resolve, but it doesn't really make it hurt any less.
Good way of putting it. Funny story: my brother did get a fish hook stuck in his leg -- the guys he was with pulled it out, cleaned it off, and mounted it on a piece of wood. Then they wrote on it, "FISH HOOK AWARD: CHRIS" and gave it back to him as a gift.
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I have a friend who got a fish hook stuck in his head on a tiny Scottish island. His uncle poured vodka on it and tried to pull it out. That did not work. They went to the island's nurse who tried to pull it out, but could not. In the end they had to cut it out with a razor blade.
The fish hook now resides in a small jar that he keeps in his pocket at all times.
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I have a friend who got a fish hook stuck in his head on a tiny Scottish island. His poured vodka on it and tried to pull it out. That did not work. They went to the island's nurse who tried to pull it out, but could not. In the end they had to cut it out with a razor blade.
The fish hook now resides in a small jar that he keeps in his pocket at all times.
Great conversation starter, right there.
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Yeah, fish hooks can be real bastards. Usually you should try and push it through a bit and cut the barbed part, but one time on a family fishing trip my mother got one stuck in her hand deeply enough that we couldn't really push it back up and out without having nothing left to pull on. Eventually we just had to reattach the line to the head and pull. :-P
I guess it wasn't in her head though, at least.
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i find friends with benefits tends to work better when they aren't an ex, but it just depends on the people and the situation. i find it pretty easy not to get attached to boys and am much happier when i'm getting laid on a regular basis, so i tend to dismiss critics who go on about how it's a terrible idea and always fails and so on and so forth. some people can make it work and some people can't, you just have to know yourself well enough to have an idea of whether or not it's something you're capable of so you don't end up putting the other person in a shitty situation.
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Okay, yeah, that's generally disastrous because you will almost always see one of the people become reattached and lead to drama.
Conveniently, when my current lady broke up with me earlier and we did the 'friends with benefits' thing, we *both* got reattached. And now it's better than it ever was before the breakup.
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I am pretty sure I have told this story before on this very forum, but it is worth repeating, because it is disturbing and hilarious.
One of my friends went to a rural hospital for slicing several of her fingers open while drunk. In the next room, a woman was having a fishhook removed from her ladybits. I honestly wonder how this happened.
My fourth grade teacher also enjoyed telling us about a fishing trip with her husband where they witnessed someone getting a fishhook stuck in their eye. Their EYE. Not eyelid. Eye.
The moral of the story is; fishhooks fucking terrify me a lot.
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It's too bad common sense doesn't really override feelings completely. I guess the metaphor I would use is that a failing relationship is a lot like having a fish hook stuck deep in your finger. Pulling the thing out is pretty bad, but you still need to get the damned thing out so you can move on with the rest of your day. Knowing this lets you steel your resolve, but it doesn't really make it hurt any less.
Cutting the head off to remove the barb makes removal more or less painless. Obviously if it's not a complete penetration, you have to force it through so it becomes one - still less painful than ripping it out backwards, though.
How does that fit into your analogy? :p
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I am so happy with the way this thread is going.
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I am so happy with the way this thread is going.
Me too.
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What the analogy suggests is that you should hang around the person you want to break up with even more, so much that decapitating them becomes the least painful way to break up with them.
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It's too bad common sense doesn't really override feelings completely. I guess the metaphor I would use is that a failing relationship is a lot like having a fish hook stuck deep in your finger. Pulling the thing out is pretty bad, but you still need to get the damned thing out so you can move on with the rest of your day. Knowing this lets you steel your resolve, but it doesn't really make it hurt any less.
Cutting the head off to remove the barb makes removal more or less painless. Obviously if it's not a complete penetration, you have to force it through so it becomes one - still less painful than ripping it out backwards, though.
How does that fit into your analogy? :p
It doesn't. I did already say you should cut off the barbed part a post later while relating an anecdote in which it wasn't possible to do so. Also, anyone who says it's nearly completely painless that way hasn't done it.
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Obviously if it's not a complete penetration, you have to force it through so it becomes one
Remember to use lube dude
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STOP TALKING ABOUT FISH HOOKS OH GOD
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I want to start a fishing thread just to spite you.
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I've been slightly scared of fishing hooks ever since I was a kid. There used to be this anti-smoking campaign ad where a dude would put a cigarette in his mouth and then a goddamn barbed fishhook would shoot out of the cigarette and pierce through his mouth. That was some scary shit when I was little.
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That's still some scary shit.
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I want housemates so I can freak them out with little things like cigarettes with fish hooks through the filter just lying around.
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jeez, and i thought canada's warning labels were bad -
(http://www.thoughts.com/images/reuters/2008/06/09/2008-06-09T142459Z_01_NOOTR_RTRIDSP_3_LIFE-CIGARETTES-DC.jpg)
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Man that looks like meth-tooth instead of tobacco-tooth.
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What the analogy suggests is that you should hang around the person you want to break up with even more, so much that decapitating them becomes the least painful way to break up with them.
I lol'd. Oh, and fun fact = you have the same last name as me.
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Oh man. RELATED.
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Insert webcest joke here.
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It's too bad common sense doesn't really override feelings completely. I guess the metaphor I would use is that a failing relationship is a lot like having a fish hook stuck deep in your finger. Pulling the thing out is pretty bad, but you still need to get the damned thing out so you can move on with the rest of your day. Knowing this lets you steel your resolve, but it doesn't really make it hurt any less.
Cutting the head off to remove the barb makes removal more or less painless. Obviously if it's not a complete penetration, you have to force it through so it becomes one - still less painful than ripping it out backwards, though.
How does that fit into your analogy? :p
It doesn't. I did already say you should cut off the barbed part a post later while relating an anecdote in which it wasn't possible to do so. Also, anyone who says it's nearly completely painless that way hasn't done it.
I never said painless, I said less painful. Getting a fish hook in any part of your body isn't what I'd call a painless experience :)
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Those fishhooks sure are cheeky little bastards.
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Honestly that whole fish hook thing wasn't done with the idea of making it analogous to anal sex, but it's turned out to be amusing so I'm just continuing to push onwards.
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Wow, that is strange, and pretty terrible. Could you elaborate?
Did the police get involved? How long were you together before it happened? Were you hurt?
I called his mum. Never got a response. We'd only been together a few months, weren't living together or anything. I asked his mum to fill me in on stuff, she faffed, said 'she was sure he was about somewhere', and she'd 'geth him to call me' she never did. I got fed up of calling, and I just figured he never wanted to see me again and was being a coward. Went past his flat one day- it was being lived in, all his stuff was still there, and I figured his mum would have told me if he was a missing persons.
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Honestly that whole fish hook thing wasn't done with the idea of making it analogous to anal sex, but it's turned out to be amusing so I'm just continuing to push onwards.
Wait, what? When did we bring anal sex into this?
The fuck is going on?
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Nothing. Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine.
(It's all a conspiracy and you're better off not knowing.)
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What?!
What the hell is even going on here?!
Are we talking about fishing or relationships?
(or both, wherein we fish for relationships?)
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Er...
My daughter has had a lifetime of choosing unsuitable men to live with, and then getting ripped off by them. The latest left after she refused to marry him, took the second car that is in her name, ran up loads of parking tickets, refused to give her an address (beyond the city name) for forwarding mail (including bailiffs' warnings about said fines) and demanded a proportion of the value of the house (I won't go into that).
He was seen yesterday, with his dad, removing mostly, but not entirely, his stuff from the house. A neighbour called my daughter, who rushed home, getting there after he had gone. A few minutes later, a man knocked at her door demanding to see him, saying he had a warrant for his arrest (reason not given). When he had satisfied himself that he wasn't hiding in the house, he asked for details of his car so that he could track it and set up a roadblock to catch him. Oo-er!
In his favour, I can say that he has very good teeth.
I suppose I'll hear more in good time...
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Paul, I'm actually intrigued and would love to hear the rest of that story when it unfolds.
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No kidding, I can't wait to watch this guy get nailed by the law.
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Well, I'm intrigued too!
I should say that my daughter did not let the last man into the house without properly verifying that he was in fact a pukka (plain-clothes) policemen; but at present we have no inkling of what the ex is actually wanted for (I don't think they set up roadblocks for parking fines yet - it's really not a police state here, by a long way!). On the occasions that he has had a job, it has been working for social services or something similar; of course, helping with rehabilitation of ex-prisoners has brought him into contact with some bad sorts, I suppose.
No use to speculate, really. Perhaps he was unhinged when six months ago the horse he had on loan to ride, and to look after (a fine animal, though elderly), was shot by the owner without his being told (yea, more back story...)
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Poor horsie!
::Waits intently for the rest of the story::
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okay okay i have one now.
so my ex was visiting me and we were trying to "patch things up" ie, arguing about everything ever and remembering why we really don't belong together. i'm not going to bother describing the fighting in too much detail, and anyway, that's not the point of the thread. but it ended with him saying that buying the ticket to come see me was a waste of money and grabbing 30 bucks from my wallet and i was rather angry, (partially because i need it, being an unemployed student and partially because it's just a major dick move) and tried to snatch it from his hand, but he balled his hands into fists and looked like he was going to punch me (he didn't though) so i just gave up on trying to get it back, called him lowlife trash and kicked him out of the apartment.
there is a little bit more to it than that, but that was the weirdest part. i never expected him to steal from me.
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Oh man. RELATED.
Her profile lists her location as CT so it's likely actually. My family on my father's side is from there.
I wonder if I am related to this one fairly well-known game designer named Clint Hocking. That would be an amusing coincidence.
ADDITION: liz your av reminds me, my mom just found a photo of me when I was just a couple months old. I looked like a lizard, that will be my new av.
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Joe this is probably my favorite picture of you, I think I might keep it as my avvie for a while. It really adds something to my posts when you read them while picturing that face.
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J-Ho as your avatar week!
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My most recent ended relationship, he was crazy.
No really, he was manic depressive, had ADHD, and biploar. Did I mention a former crack addict? He also liked popping Xanax and drinking himself to a state where he couldn't function. Talk about a Bag O' Win!
He told me all of this a little way into the relationship. My only thought was "Oh great, I need to get out now. But what if he tries to kill himself?" A few hours later I found myself sitting on his chest pinning his arms down to keep him from harming himself anymore than he was and I was like, "Oh man, I need to get the hell out of this...", but being the person that I am I wanted to try and help. Cha. That is not going to happen. I was honestly petrified to break up with him because if he did something stupid I knew that ignorant people would pin the blame on me. So I just waited it out, and luckily for me his ex contacted him (oh, she's just like him also, I'm not exaggerating) saying she was pregnant. I was free. Thank god.
I'm glad things happened when they did because I met my current boyfriend shortly after, I have not been this happy in years. He's got that something no one else in my past had.
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I really shouldn't swing at this one, but it's so damn easy.
He's got that something no one else in my past had.
A wang?
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I really shouldn't swing at this one, but it's so damn easy.
He's got that something no one else in my past had.
A wang?
o.0;
In a metaphorical way you are correct.
Since the rest of the guys were pansies. Crying about not being aloud to play video games. Lawl.
Wrestling Games on teh ps2 iz serizbiznuzz.
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It is serious business.
At least, I feel more seriously about it than most females. Which isn't saying much.
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Man I never understood wrestling games. At least, not WWF-style ones. Which, incidentally, are the only ones.
Yup, I never understood wrestling games.
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I got dumped by letter!
The letter was posted in Rwanda.
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I guess the weirdest one was the last one - he went away on some school related trip (he went to a Christian uni and I think it was a mini-mission convention or something) and I told him to call me when he got back. He never called me. I found out from a friend who lived in his dorm that he was hanging around his ex girlfriends.
After two years I'm still curious about why he never told me. I get the feeling he was scared.
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I got dumped by letter!
The letter was posted in Rwanda.
Wow. I'm sure there's an interesting story here somewhere, unless of course you also live in Rwanda?
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I went out with a girl for 3 weeks when I said its over she ran away crying so much she ran into a door.
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Love hurts, love scars...
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S&M?
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It is serious business.
At least, I feel more seriously about it than most females. Which isn't saying much.
I'm a video game junkie but a wrestling game? Come on now. I hardly find any entertainment in it. To each their own though.
But regardless, it is the fact that I got a phone call at 4am to sobbing, "The/sob guys/snort won't/hyperventilate let/sobbingmore me plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay/annoyingwhiningandincomprehensablebabble."
You want me to drive 20 minutes out of my way on a school night to put them in time out? Slap them on the hands tell them no and that sharing is caring?
I just say, grow a pair, get a job to buy your own tv, ps2, and video games.
Man I never understood wrestling games. At least, not WWF-style ones. Which, incidentally, are the only ones.
Yup, I never understood wrestling games.
Nor have I. Every time I see one my eyes burn.
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I'm a video game junkie but a wrestling game? Come on now. I hardly find any entertainment in it. To each their own though.
But regardless, it is the fact that I got a phone call at 4am to sobbing, "The/sob guys/snort won't/hyperventilate let/sobbingmore me plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay/annoyingwhiningandincomprehensablebabble."
You want me to drive 20 minutes out of my way on a school night to put them in time out? Slap them on the hands tell them no and that sharing is caring?
What the hell. Was the guy five?
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Video games are not to be cried over. Crying is for stuff like funerals or accidentally running over your own beloved pet. I also don't hold it against my mother's significant other that he cried once while in the Navy. Apparently, he was working at a bench grinder and slipped, which immediately tore his thumb nail clean off and rendered his nail bed a bloody pulp. Bonus points for waiting until he got back to his room to cry and for the fact that his thumb nail never really grew back properly. And this is a dude who I once saw break off a rusty trailer hitch of with his bare hands. When he says something hurts, I take him at his word.
As far as wrestling video games are concerned, I was speaking of video games in general, although wrestling games aren't really all that bad. I never liked them very much, but they are very conducive to trash talking and relentlessly dicking over people who are ostensibly your allies. Just like in real (but still fake!) wrestling! Basically, they can be fun for the same reasons Smash Brothers can be fun; things devolve into a massive furball really quickly and anyone who takes it too seriously should be immediately mocked. I mean, really, it's a wrestling game. Smacking your friend in the back with a steel chair isn't a betrayal, it's a genre staple.
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The only thing I've ever found to be fun about wrestling games is ignoring your opponent and unnecessarily assaulting the ref.
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S&M?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2BjJbKQkgc
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The only thing I've ever found to be fun about wrestling games is ignoring your opponent and unnecessarily assaulting the ref.
I think that goes for any sport-based video game.
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See, what people underrate about casual games like Madden and WWE titles is that they're easy to get up to speed with. There's really not all that much video game logic to Madden games. The shit isn't resident evil; you don't need to break a pot to get a chess piece to go into underground lab that happens to have shark swimming around in it. Many people already know the rules to football and the WWE basically doesn't have any rules worth speaking of to begin with.
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I played a wrestling game last night with my (not-Lunchy) housemate and his new lady-friend. I didn't even know they had wrestling games on the 360 but I suppose I should have seen it coming. At any rate it was actually pretty fun because I didn't really know the buttons and yet I still managed to win by hiding outside of the ring and letting the other two beat the hell out of each other. This is so not the thread for this kind of conversation.
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Jimmy, you really arrived at the heart of those games. Yeah, sure, you can get better at those games, and it certainly helps if you know what you're doing. But at the end of the day, douche baggy opportunism reigns supreme.
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NB: I was really into professional wrestling when I was a kid/early teen and have played many many wrestling games on older systems. That douche baggy opportunism is basically the best way to win the game, both in the real world and on the 360. Though of course, in the real world the script of the fight has to be in your favour.
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I got dumped by letter!
The letter was posted in Rwanda.
Wow. I'm sure there's an interesting story here somewhere, unless of course you also live in Rwanda?
No, we both lived in England. She now lives in Wales, with a Scotsman. Who, hilariously, she would never have met had we not decided that, despite the whole her-dumping-me-by-letter-from-Rwanda thing, we were still going to be friends.
The Rwanda story is a little less exciting than it actually sounds; she was away in Rwanda doing some voluntary work during the summer holidays at Uni whilst I was writing medical imaging software using a shitty bugridden volumetric rendering API for a placement project, and she had some sort of religious epiphany that meant (a) we couldn't get married any more and (b), that being the case, it was imperative that she get drunk and sleep with one of the guys she was on the trip with. She didn't tell me this second part in the letter, of course; I had to wait until a friend of mine happened to casually mention it in a conversation several years later. The whole shitty deal was nearly 10 years ago, and I'm now married to someone else, and I'm almost not bitter about it any more. Almost.
Kids! Don't pledge yourself to someone at 19! It's a really shitty idea!
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Oh, and in a humongous coincidence, I just like this minute found out she's pregnant too. Yay Facebook!
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What the hell. Was the guy five?
Nah, he was... 20... now 22/23-ish.
LAWL what the FUCK was I thinking at 17?
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From one of my friends:
Her: I can't help but feel like you don't love me the way I love you.
Him: I can't help but feel like you're right.
Her: Oh.
And she got up and walked away.
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That has to be the greatest way to end a relationship.
I have a friend who dumped his girlfriend when they were playing World of Warcraft. She was a newbie and everything..
Never played it, but I think it's called "griefing", am I right?
Dumping someone and then eliminating her web persona: the classy way to live :mrgreen:
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Well not so much as weird, as a "what in the hell is wrong with you"
Long story short
I was the rock in the 2 year relationship, generally level headed and rational, solving her issues.
My father ends up having a very rare post surgery complication, from an allergic reaction to heparin. (60% Mortality rate)
This girl could not comprehend why I had little interest in helping her with her problems, which in the grand scheme of things was high school drama at best, and also could not comprehend that going home to see my father was more important than taking her out to dinner or staying around to spend time with her.
ps At the time she was 23, the ignorance of some people amazes me)
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my worst/weirdest breakup was probably when I got dumped while in rehab, and I didn't fine out I got dumped until I got to school and found out be had a new girlfriend. Yay! And then I find out my parents knew and had been keeping all of the letters I wrote to the guy. Oh, but he did write a nifty breakup note AFTER he started dating the other girl. Pure awesome.
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The person who made this vid for me shows how my last breakup went.
http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/index.php?module=see&lang=uk&code=6b4992c8526207bce58de18d22d50357
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He broke up with me because I am not Christian.
Uh. Yeah. That seems to happen a lot. I think it is just a terrible excuse meant to cover up "I am an immature emotional fuckwit who does not know how to properly think things out and communicate with others."
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Can you honestly tell me there aren't at least a dozen people who routinely post here who wouldn't break up with someone because they were too religious? If you can say it with a straight face, you probably haven't wandered into the Discuss! forum. Religion or lack thereof is a very important thing to a great many people. It's a perfectly viable reason for not wanting to be with someone on both ends. As a non-religious man myself, I could never be with someone who attended regular church service, it's just not something I can ever comprehend properly.
While I can admit that the length of time it took to figure that out is questionable, I'll admit I have almost zero detail on what occurred to the individual above. For all we know, the guy may have wanted to give them an honest shot and it simply took eleven months to really comprehend that it was never going to work out between them.
Personally, I'd say that differing religious ideals is an extremely valid reason for a break-up.
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I'm honestly baffled when people talk of "bad" reasons to break up. Surely any reason is a good reason to end a relationship, if it makes you want to end it? It's not the sort of thing I've ever thought needs justification.
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i couldn't be in a relationship with someone who was religious in any way. accepting in general that people have beliefs you don't agree with is very, very different from making a person and that belief a major and permanent part of your life.
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To be entirely fair, my wording was terrible.
There's no real bad "reason" for a breakup, but one can have an ass idiotic justification and usually a poor justification is hiding some deeper personal hangup that the party is uncomfortable confronting.
A quick example: When I was nineteen, I was seeing a girl for about three months. Early on, she told me she loved me and I reciprocated. Our breakup occurred very suddenly to me and I had no idea what the fuck happened. We were hanging out at her cousin's house. She'd been drinking, I had not (I was straight edge at the time) and I conked her on the head lightly with a hair curler (NOT a curling iron, I'm talking one one of those little rubbery things you put in your hair overnight to curl it like you used to see on really old sitcoms) jokingly at one point and she flipped out and dumped me right there, in front of about four of five people. Her justification was that her last boyfriend beat her and what I did was textbook abusive behavior and she was clearly certain that I would inevitably become physically abusive.
Now, I was already a bit down due to various other crap already going wrong in my life and it was like four in the morning, so I couldn't exactly call anyone to vent, so I had to drive a little over an hour back to my dorm by myself in silence (My CD deck had been stolen that week) and, already being a depressive wreck, managed to put myself in the mindset that she must be right and I was a terrible person, so I drew inward for about a solid month. This actively fucked with me for a long time, to the point where I got to be nervous about even touching women for a time, much less having sex. I couldn't even get into a real relationship for about two years because I was afraid that if I got too emotionally entangled, I might become abusive or something. This got so bad that I started asking my mom if she'd ever dealt with anything from my dad, as I knew he did have a violent temper as a teenager (For the record, she said no and I believe her, as there has honestly never been even the most remote evidence of physical or emotional abuse in their relationship).
I didn't find out until 2006, almost three full years later, that she was actively full of shit. I actually got back into a relationship with this same girl, figuring we'd both changed and things could be okay. I'd finally moved past the complex I developed from the prior encounter and wanted to give it a shot. We got into a huge fight right before our final breakup where she admitted that she'd made up the entire ordeal because she was scared we were moving too fast and wanted out. Instead of telling me this forthright at the time, she instead chose to overreact to something in an effort to pin the blame on me and assuage her own guilt for getting in over her head in a relationship she was not ready for (Not at all coincidentally, our inevitable parting of ways was due to the exact same reasons, but I'd at least learned to recognize her pattern at this point and escaped with some minor binge drinking, some introspection and a slew of new relationship standards).
So yeah, all that to say: there are plenty of terrible justifications for a breakup. One should make sure they are honest about their justifications, though, because if you bullshit it in an effort to not look like an asshole, you may be doing a lot of harm, especially if you're dealing with someone who's already going through a gauntlet of emotional distress.
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I think their are bad reasons to break up. I've certainly known people who broke up over something trivial that they could have worked past, thus sacrificing a good, healthy relationship. It happens all the time. It's one of the reasons that a lot of people recommend counseling before you get married. A lot of marriages fall apart in the first year because of stupid little shit that you should have been able to anticipate. It's important to be honest with yourself, I agree. I also think its important to ask yourself "is this really a deal breaker, or is their some way we can come to terms with this?"
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My fiancee once got a little distressed because she didn't think I would want our kids to be baptized. I told her I was fine with it if she wanted to baptize our kids. Later we realized we still kinda had a problem, because apparently she took my response to mean I would participate in the baptism ritual, when I meant more like "as long as I don't have to do anything, knock yourself out."
We never really resolved this issue, I guess we just decided we had more important things to discuss than the hypothetical baptism of our hypothetical children.
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I was broken up with over the phone, while I was at work (Subway of all places) by a guy I had been friends with for a year before dating. It was six months into our relationship and pretty much a giant shock.
I was also talking to a guy for a month or so ... we had sex and then he stopped calling or answering his phone. He was a friend of my cousin's so one day, fed up, I called him using my cousin's cellphone (which he picked up after a ring and a half) and had a very amusing conversation. I only wish I could have seen his face.
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Okay.. here is what I feel is the weirdest ending to a relationship.. and this did happen to me roughly 2 years ago..
My girlfriend and I had been living together for about a year and 2 months when I proposed to her. Now, I was young and so was she.. think like 22 and 19.. But she always talked about how she wanted to get married and blah blah blah...
Now her and I were big into playing world of warcraft at the time. Unfortunate for me fate would have it's revenge on my perfect gaming relationship. You see she started talking to the leader of our raid group and they became good friends... Eventually when ever there was a problem between her and I, she's run to him tell him and he'd of course use that and make me look like the biggest dick he could. I eventually found some text messages between her an him a few months after our engagement. I kicked her out of my house and she moved to new jersey.. To top it off he played an Orc hunter and I played rogue.. (which at the time if you played wow, hunters were our biggest enemies)..
So I have officially had my girlfriend stolen by someone in a game!
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I'm an ass, I can admit to that. About two years ago, I cheated on my manipulative ex-girlfriend with this guy I had a crush on, just because I needed her to let me go. It worked very well, because the guy I asked out was the very same guy she was seeing on the side. Funny how life works, eh?
~The Eddward.
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The weirdest (and first) break up I ever had was when I was 9. It was one of those silly "when we are older we are going to get married" things and I had asked out the girl who was really good at maths in my class, mainly because I was really good at english and expected the children to be good at both.
Then she pointed out that they might be bad at both! I was shocked, I realised the relationship couldn't work if we were to inflict children on the world that were bad at maths and english. After this the realtionship ended amicably and we decided that if we ever managed to get good at both we should definetly get married. :-)
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That is adorable.
None of my relationships ended in really bizarre ways. I found out my ex-fiance was cheating on me for 10 months when his other girlfriend confronted me. That was probably the worst one.
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At least you've never been dumped on a webcomic forum...
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*gives obsessions some JD*
Sounds as if you need some of this.
That goes for anyone else if they want some by the way.
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At least you've never been dumped on a webcomic forum...
I'm not sure I care for the elipsis at the end of that statement.
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Somewhere in rural Scotland, Tommy is watching this thread play out with bated breath while frantically searching for his passport and a reasonably priced flight to Boston...
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Then she pointed out that they might be bad at both! I was shocked, I realised the relationship couldn't work if we were to inflict children on the world that were bad at maths and english. After this the realtionship ended amicably and we decided that if we ever managed to get good at both we should definetly get married. :-)
These MUST be ironic, I love you long time if they are.
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I was EIGHT! I thought irony was something you made tanks with!
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*gives obsessions some JD*
Sounds as if you need some of this.
That goes for anyone else if they want some by the way.
You're new, so you obviously wouldn't get the joke I was making. For clarification's sake, pen and I are a couple. The remark was a joke at her expense (Implying I am going to dump her on the forum), not an actual thing that's ever happened to me. Nor would it ever happen to me; she'd never survive without me.
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Oh I do apoligise! I thought that it was a particularly painful episode and wanted to help out.
Thanks for explaining :-)
BTW the above is NOT intended to be ironic or insulting, I get the worrying feeling that it may come across as that.
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Josef, I think maybe your relationship didn't work out because you came up a bit short?
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True, I do lack a lot in maths and unfortunatly I have not been able to improve them for a while. Oh well :-)
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I was EIGHT! I thought irony was something you made tanks with!
Guys, don't scare this one away. He's good!
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True, I do lack a lot in maths and unfortunatly I have not been able to improve them for a while. Oh well :-)
I think you missed my warhammer joke. I tried to lay it deep into the texts.
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Hm. I think my break up is not necessarily the "weirdest". More like bitchy on my part.
I was in 8th grade. We went out for a week. We hadn't even kissed or anything. He told me he loved me after a week. I broke up with him.
I think relationship karma is kicking me in the ass constantly for that. D:
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Nah, I'm pretty sure you both dodged a bullet there.
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Ahhhh sorry, I am just so used to people calling me bugman that I have basically adopted it as a second name.
Thank you Mr Ballard, nice to feel welcome :-)
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(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/breakupsmallerinked.jpg)
.
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There was the girl who had to break up with me because she just started college and her grades were slipping. But I found out later that really she had realized she was gay and fell in love with a female coworker.
Then there was the one who felt she just couldn't open up to me, despite how much I deserved her to. Later I found out that she opened up...to another woman.
Then there was the cute little thing that just out of the blue, told me she was lesbian.
So, any girls who hate men, date me. I'll give you a whole new option for your dating pool.
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Since I'm hungover and feeling reminiscent:
My relationships often end with a lot of drama. When I was a teenager, I was even worse at pickin guys than I am today. I once dated two guys at once who were best friends which is SO not the way to do it. I was in love with one of them,, while he just liked me, and the other one was in love with me, while I just liked him. However, the relationship was meant to be exclusive to the three of us. Then the two guys went on a holiday to visit the girl that the guy I was in love with was in love with in turns (anyone still with me?). When they got back, we got drunk and went out together, to my favourite club (I was underage, but I could always sneak in). The guy who was in love with me told me he had slept with another girl on the holiday, probably just to make me jealous. I was really drunk and also upset because I got just rejected from the guy I thought I was in love with, so while I didn't really care about the guy, something inside me snapped - I grabbed the guy's drink from his hands, threw his drink in his face and threw the glass against the wall. I started hitting him and screaming at him, until I thought it would be better to leave. People who had been watching made space from me, it was like I was Moses walking through the Read Sea. I then walked up to the security guy, pointed out the guy to him and told him he had molested me. I was seriously upset, probably because I was beyond drunk, left the club and went to my best friend's house to let myself be consoled. Sadly, I left my favourite jacket in the club when I made my dramatic exit and never found it again.
A few years later, the guy who was 25 at the time I dated him and his friend told me that he had been so scared of me after that that he never went to that club again. I found that pretty hilarous, that he was so scared of a 16-year-old confused teenager while he was almost 10 years older.
So yeah, that's probably my weirdest relationship ending!
tl;dr: Of course, there was also that one guy - I thought he loved me for my money, but he really loved me for my brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat. It sadly did not work out.
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Thing about that, a lot of (read: probably just a few) guys are scared of their ex-girlfriends crying rape, in general. There's also the fact that security was told that he molested a girl. Would you wanna be the guy that tries to get into the club with the security guards who know you as "The Molester guy?" I sure wouldn't.
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No, the security guy couldn't make much sense of what I was trying to tell him. I tried to describe the guy, but there more than one guy with a ponytail and a leather jacket. My brother who was in the same club that night told me that the guy wasn't thrown out or anything. I don't think that's why he wouldn't come back to the club.
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So a guy you weren't exclusive with and didn't love fucked someone else, so you throw a drink in his face, start hitting him and then accuse him of molestation. That seems completely fair and reasonable.
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I was dating a chick who I had been friends with for 4 or 5 years. Her sister didn't like me, but she was wacko anyway.
Well I moved about 20km out side of the city we lived in, and still made it into the city (without a car!) weekly to see her.
Well one weekend, I called to verify our plans, and her foster father told me she didn't want to talk to me.
She didn't even have the bresticular fortitude to tell me herself, and never even GAVE me a reason other then "my sister and foster mom suggested it."
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So a guy you weren't exclusive with and didn't love fucked someone else, so you throw a drink in his face, start hitting him and then accuse him of molestation. That seems completely fair and reasonable.
Well, I was basically a kid, unexperienced and drunk, what can I say. However, he wasn't supposed to fuck somebody else, because we had agreed to keep it exclusive to the three of us. Also, that guy was playing mindgames with me, he was trying to manipulate me to fall for him which is probably a stupid thing to do. Even though he was almost ten years older and should really have known better, he was pretty much as immature as me at the age of 16. If he was unhappy with the situation which he obviously was, he should have had the insight to end it instead of toying with me and trying to do everything to make me jealous until I cracked.
Sure that was stupid of me, but I do hope that I have evolved past that. I think most people do stupid things as teenagers, don't they?
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Drop it, she said it was stupid of her.
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Jens, do you need a hug?
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*hugs*
What? You said you wanted a hug
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A hug from me :-p
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Blast, I thought he meant one in general *steps out of the way* my apoligise miss.
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Sorry, but...yeah. Accusing a guy of molesting/raping/taking advantage of you when he hasn't is pretty high up there on the list of "worst thing a woman can do to a man." A teenager, even a drunk teenager, is certainly old enough to realize this.
basically i'm saying it's not something that you can excuse by just saying "I was stupid."
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i'm sure she did realize it, but you're also discounting the fact that people tend not to exercise rational thought when they're angry. instead, they're trying to hurt the other person as much as possible because they're being crazy and angry.
i'm not trying to justify her behavior in any way, as i agree this is a nightmare scenario for any guy, but at the same time keep in mind that she was much younger, very drunk, and already admitted it was a terrible thing to do. i doubt there is anyone here who hasn't done or said at least one stupid selfish thing while they were emotional.
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*Group Hug*
Oh, also, on topic: I flew from Boston to New Orleans to see a girl I had a long-distance thing with. I was planning to stay for 4-5 days. In the middle of the 2nd day, she dumped me, and said she'd made the decision 2-3 weeks earlier, but hadn't wanted to say anything. That was a blast.
P.S. Let's drop the whole molestation-accusation thing, I think the point has been made.
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Ouch, this is why I am never going to try a long distance relationship. Then again chance would be a fine thing. :lol:
The only other relationship (well proto-relationship) I had, I asked the girl out while drunk for the first time... Yeah that was a good idea.
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people tend not to exercise rational thought when they're angry. instead, they're trying to hurt the other person as much as possible because they're being crazy and angry
This is one of the great Mysteries of Life, I think, at least in my version of reality. That and how my cat absolutely refuses to eat anything, including human food like turkey and tuna, except dry crunchies, and yet is somehow starting to get fat. Like, pushing 30 pounds fat.
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Oddest way someone's ever broken up with me:
Back in high school I was dating someone a few years older. He was always going back and forth about whether or not he was comfortable with the age difference. We were talking on the phone one night and he told me he'd compiled a to-do list for the second half of his semester, and around number 19 was "Cut off all physical contact with Sara". The rest of the conversation was a bit awkward.
I've broke up with someone just because they were a bit overweight and too brief in the sack...and lied about it. I don't even remember what I said. I think it was something like that line in the movie/play Closer, the ol' "I don't love you anymore, goodbye". Works every time.
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Oh oh oh! Group hug!
(http://chat.alamak.com/i/1/hug4.gif)
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people tend not to exercise rational thought when they're angry. instead, they're trying to hurt the other person as much as possible because they're being crazy and angry
Yep, for example, I've got a friend who I don't really think is sexist or homophobic at all. I can only think of one instance when he's ever said anything to make me even suspect otherwise, and all things considered, I'd give him a pass on it. I stopped by to visit him once and he was SUPER drunk, which was really uncharacteristic. I'll emphasize that again: the dude was smashed. Turns out his already troubled relationship with his wife finally bottomed out; she left him for another woman earlier that day. He didn't want to talk much about it, but unfortunately, that's about the time when his new ex showed up to pick up some more of her stuff. He was taking it pretty well until she said she wanted full custody of their daughter because she didn't plan on staying in Minnesota. At that point, his language got just a wee bit, uh, colorful. Doesn't make it right, but it reflected more on his anger than his values.
Needless to say, I got the hell out of there ASAP while they argued.
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I think that may have been a very smart thing to do, second of course to buying a helmet and getting the blast doors closed on the bunker during the arguement.
Also, apoligise to your friend.
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Yeah, I fled that baby like it was a crime scene.
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Yeah, I fled that baby like it was a crime scene.
Sounds like it was a crime scene *L*
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i told my born again christian boyfriend that i was pro-gay rights and that i believe the bible was not literally written by god - it was written by men.
immediately following this conversation he stopped calling me. at first i was confused but i finally got the message when he stood me up on my birthday.
... Wait, I'm a Born-Again Christian, and last time I checked it says in The Bible that all scripture is written by men inspired by God...
Oh, she came out to me. She and her girlfriend.
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Well. I'm the first to admit that while I was book-smart, I was very clueless when it came to real life when I was young. It is also a terrible thing to call rape when it's not true, I know how that can destroy people's life.
The only thing I can say that I wasn't that far off to say the guy molested me. He had a way to pressure me into having sex with me when I didn't really want to in the first place. I was quite inexperienced at 16, because I was brouht up extremely sheltered, and I thought that was the way relationships worked. I was also the first from my circle of friends to date anyone, so I didn't have anything to compare it with. While I was stupid, I don't think that the guy behaved all that well - pressuring a 16-year-old completely naive girl into having sex and manipulating her to a point where she doesn't know anymore what she wants is not really a thing to do when you're 25 . I never apologized to him, he later apologized to me for messing with my head the way he did. He also justified messing with me by saying that older women had messed with him when he was younger. I've also learned from that incident not to throw stuff at people. Ok everyone?
I don't know anymore why I even told that story, except as an example how not to do it and what happens when people are stupid. Did anyone notice my neat Bob Dylan reference?
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No, the security guy couldn't make much sense of what I was trying to tell him. I tried to describe the guy, but there more than one guy with a ponytail and a leather jacket. My brother who was in the same club that night told me that the guy wasn't thrown out or anything. I don't think that's why he wouldn't come back to the club.
there's your problem
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Dude's got a point.
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The only thing I can say that I wasn't that far off to say the guy molested me. He had a way to pressure me into having sex with me when I didn't really want to in the first place. I was quite inexperienced at 16, because I was brouht up extremely sheltered, and I thought that was the way relationships worked. I was also the first from my circle of friends to date anyone, so I didn't have anything to compare it with. While I was stupid, I don't think that the guy behaved all that well - pressuring a 16-year-old completely naive girl into having sex and manipulating her to a point where she doesn't know anymore what she wants is not really a thing to do when you're 25 . I never apologized to him, he later apologized to me for messing with my head the way he did. He also justified messing with me by saying that older women had messed with him when he was younger. I've also learned from that incident not to throw stuff at people. Ok everyone?
Yeah, I understand what people are saying about crying molestation being a bad thing, but I'm having a lot of trouble feeling sorry for the 25 year old who was sleeping with a 16 year old. In many places, that constitutes rape anyway.
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:D
You're probably right! I have dated 3 guys with ponytails and they were all complete idiots. I shouldn't even have bothered with that guy in the first place, but what can I say - he was older, he had a motorbike and at 16 it was kind of cool to be picked up from school by an older guy on a motorbike, especially if you were the nice girl with the straight A's most people were jealous of and treated with contempt!
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After 25 Years, I Finally Figured Out How To Impress High-School Girls (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/48473)
I've found that if I give the girl the lead in a conversation, I learn something from her—like what she and her girlfriends are planning to do that weekend. Then I've got an opportunity to offer them a ride there, because if there's one thing high-school girls love, it's a guy with a set of wheels. Especially a convertible. Most boys their age can't afford anything nice yet, but I've got a career, and I paid cash for my '87 LeBaron. And a car like that never fails to turn a few heads around a high-school campus.
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It's sort of sad how much like the girls described I used to be in highschool.
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It's not a particularly negative portrayal of teenage girls. That is how most teens are in reality!
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Wow, is that all it takes to turn young hearts to jelly? Well that may explain my disdain for money and driving :lol:
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That's right, you too could someday be that creepy 20-something who hangs out around the local school trolling for chicks.
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And thats the day I decide that a train track will make a good sleeping area.
That said, some of my associates from school are already part of the "kindergatten club", its really a bit of a crapshoot.
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Am I the only one who finds it slightly odd that this guy is talking about picking up high school girls and then mentions that he was at high school himself twenty-five years ago? Or have I misunderstood and he is in fact a very old-looking 25 year old?
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I guess I've always read it as him trying to impress girls some 25 years after he was in high school. He mentions partying with Little River Band, and it's been at least 25 years since they were cool (were they ever cool?). It's still pretty creepy, even if he's only supposed to be 25 though.
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Am I the only one who finds it slightly odd that this guy is talking about picking up high school girls and then mentions that he was at high school himself twenty-five years ago? Or have I misunderstood and he is in fact a very old-looking 25 year old?
I find people out of high school picking up high school kids odd in general. They just have this "not quite ripe" look to them...I've actually asked my older ex from my high school days what the hell he was thinking. I'm convinced he just wanted someone to manipulate.
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Uck, never been able to understand grown men that date or "see" high school girls. They used to hang outside my school when i was younger and wait for their ever changing playgirl to finish class. Hopefully he isn't quite as creepy!
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sometimes it depends on the age difference; between being in high school and not being in high school it could be as small as one or two years. i agree though, i find older guys dating much younger girls sleazy... and i know i should try to be more open minded about it, as i know a few people who are in relationships with massive age differences that are genuinely happy together, but my first assumption is still almost always that the older guy is looking for a younger girl because he wants someone who is insecure and inexperienced with relationships and flattered that an older guy is taking care of her and buying everything for her, and therefore will be more likely to think the guy is rad as hell and unconditionally stick with him. i also saw that happen a lot while in high school, and it was nearly always older guys with drastically younger girls, not the other way around. those types of guys probably have just as many security issues as the girls they date, so maybe they aren't intentionally trying to be manipulative assholes, but it still unsettles me a bit. i guess i have to accept that some people really are happy in those kinds of relationships, as unhealthy as i might think they are.
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I had a friend once who described the age-difference thing thusly: "Get 'em young so you can train 'em"
Thank christ he was being sardonic.
Anyway,
Last year about this time, I was dating a girl and was totally nose over tail for her. She called me one night to say: "Hey! I'm going out for a few drinks! I'll be over later."
I haven't talked to her since.
:|
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i just realised my last post was kind of hypocritical because most of the guys i date or bang are at least 3-4 years older than me. d'oh
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There is a difference between a 21/22 year old bangin' a 24/25 year old and a 21 year old bangin' a 16 year old. Or a 25 year old bangin' a 16 year old. I have no problem with ladies a coupla years older than me, but I probably would feel odd doing the same thing with girls the same number of year younger than me.
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I think age difference has more to do with where you are in your life than the number of years you have lived. I dated a guy almost four years older than me when I was a freshman in college, and while we had a lot in common, it was also weird that he had a full time job and responsibilities while I was just getting used to being out of my parents' house. I felt too childish to be dating him which was one of the reasons it didn't work out. Two years later I started dating someone also four years older than me, and though I am still in college, I had grown up a lot and the age difference didn't matter much anymore. The older you are, the less age difference matters, which is why I can't help but think that twenty-somethingsl dating high schoolers is kind of creepy. Unless it's a few years at most and the high schooler is really mature, it's probably not going to be a healthy relationship just because similar maturity levels are so important.
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I don't think most older guys who go out with high schoolers are intentionally manipulative. I do, however, tend to think they're often a bit socially retarded since western society pressures adults not to date high schoolers, and thus you end up with a pool of guys which contains an inordinate amount of people who are willing to ignore what other people think. That can be a sign of confidence and independence, but it can also be a sign that the guy is selfish and cares more about immediate gratification than consequences. Unfortunately, most high school girls find the guys from the latter category, since the responsible, confident guys have usually already found a nice age appropriate lady to get involved with.
Anyway, yeah, I don't think age matters nearly so much once the person is out of school and independent. I've met cute high schoolers before, but they never really show up on my radar, so to speak. There's simply too many good reasons not to go there. Much like sex, it's not necessarily immoral in and of itself, per se, but that is not enough to say it is a good idea. Any time you're not really thinking of what's in the best interest of the other person in the relationship, you're on thin ice, particularly if the relationship is sexually active.
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i find older guys dating much younger girls sleazy... and i know i should try to be more open minded about it, as i know a few people who are in relationships with massive age differences that are genuinely happy together
I was talking to someone recently who is in her late twenties who was saying she just changed her age range on some internet dating site to 40. That gave me the jibblies.
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I've been crazy about a guy who is almost ten years older than me since I was seven, but I'm aware that it would be weird if we dated (and we won't, because he is not interested in me and thinks I'm too young for him). I'm fairly certain, however, that I'd frown on someone who was 26 and dating a 17 year old, so I am just a hypocrite.
I've dated a guy who was two years younger than me and that didn't work because we were both still in school, but it would have worked outside of school (and did work when we were on holiday together, away from stereotypes and criticism). Then again the gap was fairly small and it was only the school system that split us into two different "age groups".
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i know everyone says they mature faster than other people, but i feel like i really did on account i grew up with sisters who were much older than me (13 and 14 years), and since they wouldn't (and still don't) dumb themselves down to my level, i've constantly had to figure out how to get to their level instead. i mean, that sounds bad but it's something i do appreciate a lot. they always call me on my stupid melodramatic bullshit and tell me when i need to grow up and stop being stupid and i feel like maybe i ended up a pretty smart, sensible person because of it. the downside is that for the longest time i really couldn't stand anyone my age, and so all throughout high school and uni i mainly hung out with and dated people way older than me. i still sort of do but it's started to level out a bit as i come closer to graduating. i guess it's similar to that thing jill mentioned again about how when you get older the age gaps matter less and less. once you're an adult you're just kind of an adult from then on.
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I don't say that. My social/emotional intellgence is pretty much nil aisde from the fact that I'm aware that your first impulse isn't always a good idea.
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I gotta say, age/2+7. This is the age range when dating someone younger for it to not be creepy. To reinforce my point, there is a girl who is absolutely enamored with me who is 16. Now this isn't too bad because when we met I was 18. This means that she is still in the OK age range if I were to pursue that.
(It would mostly end with a post in this thread, I imagine, she is very religious and has morals and stuff, I like to vandalize shit and add fuck to regular words)
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In terms of age, it's really going to be relative and case by case. There's no cut and dry standard for min/max number of years between people; I mean, a 27 year old dating a 22 year old is far, far less creepy than a 21 year old dating a 16 year old. The gap becomes much more flexible the older one gets.
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wow, I have only ever gone after or felt anything for people who are my age or 1 year below, anything lower and its heading into "weird" territory.
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In times of uncertainty, refer to xkcd:
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dating_pools.png)
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That's pretty normal though Josef. I mean, you're 19, for fuck's sake. Four years ago a sizeable portion of your friends probably still considered shaving an urban legend. When I was 16, all the girls who were 2 or 3 years younger than me were into this new fangled pokemon bullshit.
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I considered shaving an myth till about 2 years ago :wink: and if it weren't for the fact that I looked like a redneck who should wear a wifebeater vest and speak in an accent so thick as to prevent communication I still would consider it one.
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8th grade, girl I met during sleep-away camp
we had been dating for a few weeks when this happened over the phone:
her: do you want to see titanic?
me: didn't you already see it?
her: yeah, twice, do you want to go?
me: not really
her: well, in that case I don't want to be with you any more :hangs up:
still haven't seen titanic
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i do not understand this, i cannot stand girls my age.
Hi five older girls buddy. o/
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You people are insane.
Also I like that some people replied to the article from the Onion seriously.
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Hrm. That age/2 + 7 thing just is not right. I am 30, and there is no way in hell I could date a 22 year old.
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It's not the Standard Rule Of That's Okay but the Standard Rule Of Creepiness.
If your potential mate is above x/2 + 7 then it's not creepy. Doesn't mean it's alright for you either.
Speaking of weird endings ... looks like mine just got into overtime.
My ex was mad at me for being so unaffected by our break-up because I didn't jump at the chance to meet her when I came back home.
So I told her "okay, come by my house tomorrow" (I can't go out, debilitating injury, no car, long story, other threads).
So she came by yesterday and we fucked.
Not much else.
She's leaving to go to university today or tomorrow and I could not care much less. I guess I'm still pretty unaffected.
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My girlfriend was 17 when we met and still in highschool. At that point I was in my third year of university while she was just about to start her high school exams and I found it a little weird. As soon as she turned 18 I was instantaneously fine with the age gap and we started going out (we had been sleeping together for a few months though I had reservations about it). I think the whole age difference thing is a case by case thing because I know some couples who have had a significant difference in their ages and it never worked out well for exactly that reason. On the other hand I also know couples who have a pretty large age gap and honestly I can't think people who are better suited to each other so I don't think it is generally a hard and fast rule.
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When I was 18 or 19 (can't quite remember) my best friend (who was also the girl I lost my virginity to a year or two previously), who was 17, started dating a 26-year-old. I got kinda sketched out about it at first but then I met the guy and hung out with him for a while and realized that they were actually a pretty good fit for each other, given where they each were in their lives. I chalked it up to my friend being a really exceptionally cool girl who could hang out with people a decade older than her without any problems. After that I kinda cooled down on the issue and nowadays, especially now that I'm 21, I'm kinda indifferent. I'd date a 17-year-old if she was interesting enough. The last woman who initiated a relationship with me was 32. Age is more or less irrelevant for some people and I think I've become one of them.
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8th grade, girl I met during sleep-away camp
we had been dating for a few weeks when this happened over the phone:
her: do you want to see titanic?
me: didn't you already see it?
her: yeah, twice, do you want to go?
me: not really
her: well, in that case I don't want to be with you any more :hangs up:
still haven't seen titanic
Nice...
Omg, wasn't I JUST being routed by you in Tribes: Vengeance multiplayer?
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the Onion
It has taken several days for this detail to permeate.
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i'm rather amused by the titanic story.
i once woke up to my phone vibrating. i had recieved a breakup text from a boyfriend who did not have texting at the time. this guy is still my friend, so i occasionaly make fun of him for this.
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At least it wasn't "I want you to hit me as hard as you can."
i loll'ed so hard at this. i am still laughing.
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Omg, wasn't I JUST being routed by you in Tribes: Vengeance multiplayer?
Couldn't have been me. I don't really play video games :-/
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Eh, I've had a few. One bad blow job ruined about a year relationship of mine. I ended it there when she couldn't keep up with the good chewin'.
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Omg, wasn't I JUST being routed by you in Tribes: Vengeance multiplayer?
Couldn't have been me. I don't really play video games :-/
Man, how many people are running around with the name "nobo"...?
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I have no clue. It is a childhood nickname that my folks gave me over 20 years ago. the rest of them are imposters.
there is also a lingerie brand NoBo for NO BOundaries.
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Whoa, for a moment there I misread that and thought you said "lingerie band". I was thinking "What is this exciting new musical genre, and how do I get involved in its scene?"
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Of course, there was also that one guy - I thought he loved me for my money, but he really loved me for my brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat. It sadly did not work out.
I love you because I'm actually so gay for Bobby that that love extends to you by association. Let's date.
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8th grade, girl I met during sleep-away camp
we had been dating for a few weeks when this happened over the phone:
her: do you want to see titanic?
me: didn't you already see it?
her: yeah, twice, do you want to go?
me: not really
her: well, in that case I don't want to be with you any more :hangs up:
still haven't seen titanic
Lucky escape.
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As a 13 year old I was devastated. the girl that came after her though was just insane, but the break up wasn't too weird with her.
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Weirdest ending of a relationship that wasn't mine:
Last year was my first year of university, I went up with one of my friends from school, a man named James. James himself was never good with girls but he manages to get a girl within the first week of uni, I point out to him that it probably isn't going to last, but I think he didn't listen. Within the week he comes round to my flat heartbroken that the girl has broken things off with him. So we sit and drink whiskey while he goes off on lng rants and then he delivers something that is possibly the greatest backhand compliment I have ever heard, he turns to me and says "I envy you Rob, you don't have to worry about girls" and I say "oh yeah, because I am unattractive" and he says "no don't worry rob, its not your looks its your personality that puts girls off".
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Actually I sort of have one. I was sleeping with a Canadian dude, and we had quite a strong connection but it certainly wasn't monogamous. Despite this, when he went away for a month and I ended up spending two weeks of that sleeping with another guy from our kickboxing club I felt pretty bad telling him. We decided to try monogamy, sort of. After a couple of weeks I started obsessing about the other guy (grass is always greener?) and had to tell him it wasn't working.
But the other guy was twice my age (I was 18, he was 36) so I never planned on a relationship. In short, the weirdness was that there was an overlap where I wasn't seeing either of them but was sleeping with both of them, and they both knew this. Missed out on a threesome (er, 4-some?) with the younger guy and two hot Swedish chicks though! What makes this stranger in retrospect is we all trained together 6 days a week, and when I was supposed to be having my first fight (fell through damn it) William was driving, I was in the back snuggling with Matt, and I shared William's hotel room.
I've now been exclusive with William for over 5 years so so much for "not planning on a relationship". lol
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Birthday.
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You got broken up with on your birthday?
Shit, that's awful.
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I have recently been broken up with for reasons that are probably never going to be made clear to me.
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I had a high school girlfriend who I tried to continue dating when we went to college. We were together for years. Lost our virginity together, blah blah blah. We went to separate colleges and neither of us had cars. We would still meet up on weekends when we could, blah blah blah. Fast forward two months:
She got engaged to the guy she was apparently cheating on me with.
Yeah. Yeah.
They're still married. Unhappily, I hear.
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I just got broken up with a couple days ago ... it wasn't too weird, I guess. We're still very much friends, but being together put a fair amount of strain on her (I am exceptionally bad at a couple things that she's exceptionally sensitive to) so she needed to step back a bit. Basically the issue was that when we were together she'd get really upset at me about things that we both agree are (a) fairly petty and ultimately not worth a whole lot of her anger and (b) inexcusably, aggravatingly simple and should ultimately be really easy for me to avoid. Since she can't seem to not get angry at these things, and I can't seem to change them, and we both recognize what's going on, it only makes sense not to put too much strain on ourselves for the sake of staying together. The way I tell the story, it was only her needlessly being upset that caused me trouble, and the way she tells it, it was only my failure to do what should've been simple that caused her trouble ... so knowing each others' stories, keeping the relationship going would've been a poor plan.
Now I just want some sex. I know guys often feel like they need to avoid being "the guy who just wants sex" but sometimes it's just true. It's not that I don't care who I fuck, I definitely don't want to have sex with someone I don't care about, but as someone who knows several people who I care about a great deal and who I am quite attracted to, I also have to be clear with those people (if the issue of a sexual relationship comes up) that prioritizing "sex with someone I care about" is only what it is and nothing more.
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Reading your posts reinforces a lot of what I've come to realize on my own lately. I've made too many mistakes catering to others out of a false sense of martyrdom and absolutely no good has come out of it in the long term. The minute I started putting my health and happiness above that of others is the minute I stopped unfairly demanding things of my friends and acquaintances to make up for the deficiencies that I brought upon myself. I no longer feel lonely or emotionally unsatisfied/unrewarded (as much) and I've been able to grow into a person who is happy to work on himself rather than be envious of others. I no longer feel inadequate because I am not the person I look up to. Instead, I realize that every person is an individual just like I am, admit that I am never going to be them, and instead see positive qualities which I could learn from.
Basically what I am trying to say is dude you're awesome.
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The minute I started putting my health and happiness above that of others is the minute I stopped unfairly demanding things of my friends and acquaintances to make up for the deficiencies that I brought upon myself.
BAM ::image of Wayne Coyne high-fiving the Dalai Lama::
Fuck, that felt good to hear.
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You know what's funny? I think preaching what you want to practice helps you truly believe it.
A lot of my new found confidence was mostly theoretical until I started giving advice to slightly younger friends and it worked for them. It took a lot of self-determination to not just say "I am lying to make myself feel better! All of this is a pipe dream and I'm doomed to be lame 'cause I wasn't born one of the cool people."
In the same way, you're probably working your ass off to convince yourself of all the stuff you post here on the subject, and writing it down is a form of self-therapy that helps you define your beliefs with a clear mind.
Correct me if I'm totally wrong.
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I totally know where you're coming from ... I don't really act like I believe a lot of the stuff I say until I start saying it to more and more people. Sometimes I tell myself it's because the drive to "practice what I preach" is great enough that just vocalizing it is enough to motivate me, sometimes I tell myself it's because every time I say stuff I'm talking to someone different and I have to come up with a new way of saying it (which requires coming up with a new way to think about it and therefore develops my understanding of my own beliefs), sometimes I tell myself it's because acting like I know what I'm talking about is the only way to actually get there. I don't know or care if there's more or less truth to any of these, because the fact is that it works! If I actually verbally talk to people about the stuff that I care about in my life, and the changes I'm trying to make in it, those changes happen faster and more smoothly and it makes more sense to me to care about those things.
I don't consider my posting here to be self-therapy, because that would imply that there's something I really want to change in myself. Right now I'm really comfortable with who I am. This forum, for me, is a place for me to kick around ideas that appeal to me and see how much they make sense and where it might take me if I were to implement them further in my life. Once my attention is caught on something (like the idea of a demurrage-based money system, or the idea of being more self-serving in personal relationships, or the idea of going out of your way to be as transparent as possible to the people around you, all things that I've debated at length in the DISCUSS forum), this is a great place for me to play with it and figure out where it leads and what I'll run up against if I really take it to heart and make it a permanent (or at least long-term) part of myself. It's not that I'm trying to convince myself that anything I say here is true, it's that I'm trying to figure out what will happen if I do convince myself of these things, what I'll be sacrificing by doing so, and how it'll benefit me.
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I caught my ex-girlfriend cheating on me with her ex. I knocked on the door of her house after seeing his truck in her driveway and she answered the door in his t-shirt and nothing else.
After briefly considering retrieving the softball bat in my trunk and battering him with it, I thought better of it and left after some choice words.
Unfortunately, I had forgotten I left my CD case in her car--It had 350ish CDs in it.
She was so pissed that she got caught that she took a hammer to each and every one of my CDs. Then dropped off the garbage bag on my porch the next day.
Classy. I guess that's what I get for dating a stripper.....:p
God that was a long time ago, thinking back.
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What exactly was she pissed about? That you'd yelled at her over cheating on you?
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When I caught a girl cheating redhanded she tried kicking me in the balls.. and I wasn't even yelling at her.. I just told her that I wasn't really surprised. Females just can't stand it when they get caught.
edit: forgot to add..Broke my 32" TV, Video Camea and Cell phone. not much I could do because I knew if I tried anything i'd be the one in jail.
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What? Why? She messed with your property and you didn't do anything about it?
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Cheaters are low lifes.
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What? Why? She messed with your property and you didn't do anything about it?
Oh, I pressed charges and she was arrested.
But I didn't dare try to stop her. As all she would have to do is say that I touched her and I'd get battery. I know the law is suppose to go both ways.. but it's bullshit and doesn't.
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That is total shit. I'm sorry man.
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Don't be. I learned so much from my past relationships. There is no victims, only volunteers. Just remember that.
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Please don't try that line when rape is being discussed.
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Please don't try that line when rape is being discussed.
Is it?
I believe we're talking relationships. But I guess if you correlate rape and relationships... then i'm sorry if I offended ya.
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Touche.
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Not really a joke; it was easy to read: "There is no victims, only volunteers" as being more widely applicable, in particular as rapists still often say: "she was asking for it". If you don't believe that in general, then I am pleased.
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Obviously it wasn'[t a joke, because
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v289/0bsessions/Random%20Forum%20Junk/PatrickNeverFunny.jpg)
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Warning, tangent incoming.
One thing I dislike about playing WoW and other online games again is how often rape is casually used as a synonym for something that kicks ass or does a lot of damage/dominates. I swear to god I'm not making this up, but a few weeks back I saw a guy on trade channel named "Ohiostate" who cheerfully recommended a particular talent spec because it "totally rapes." I responded with "WTS: Self-Awareness & Perspective." Never got sent back so many "lol, no shit" and "Yeah, that was pretty sad," tells in my life. Talk about playing up to a stereotype.
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yeah, Ohio State is a terrible place.
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I caught my ex-girlfriend cheating on me with her ex. I knocked on the door of her house after seeing his truck in her driveway and she answered the door in his t-shirt and nothing else.
Ever notice it's always a guy with a truck?
And it's true; Girls hate being caught. As if they have some divine right to do whatever the @#$% they want.
And they say that men are dogs. :|
Oh, hey, I've got another one.
So a friend of mine, who migrated to Canada a couple years back, right? We were talking, and she was trying to fool her friends into thinking she had a significant other (I don't get it either), and somehow, I got hit with that stick (bad timing?).
So, after a couple exchanged photos, hearts in WLM screen-names, etc. people believe it. We were pretty close, so hey, we left each other's names in our Screen-names. Everything's peachy, her friends are aptly fooled (Canucks are kinda simple though)... Then one day, I'm out of her SN, and she switches email addresses, and cancels her FB account. And that was that.
I was kinda just going through the motions, so I wasn't really concerned, but it hit me as strange. That was about 2 months ago.
Today, while I was having dinner...
Girl: So, David, you're officially my boyfriend at school. According to my friends.
I got to about "you're officially my boyfriend-" before I nearly choked on my food.
I don't get it, am I single or what?
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My friend, you are being whipped. Abort ASAP.
On a serious note, talk to the girl and demand a serious explanation 'cause this is pretty flaky on her part.
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Okay, those of you who have said in the last page or so of this thread anything relating to woman hating being caught and how we are horrible people and lie and cheat on everyone, or something along those lines - please, think about what you have just said. Have you spoken to every single woman on the planet in regards to their relationships and whether or not they behave this way? I'd suggest not.
Not all woman are like that. Neither are all men. People are people and yes people do stupid things sometimes but that is NO excuse for anyone to take one persons actions and reflect them on to an entire gender.
Think about what you are actually saying before you type it out because numerous people may take offense to such massive generalisations.
Also:
Eh, I've had a few. One bad blow job ruined about a year relationship of mine. I ended it there when she couldn't keep up with the good chewin'.
My god I hope you are joking. Because if you aren't there are damn better ways to deal with what you see as inadequacies in your sex life. Try communication for a start.
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Ever notice it's always a guy with a truck?
And it's true; Girls hate being caught. As if they have some divine right to do whatever the @#$% they want.
And they say that men are dogs. :|
Dude see we are the same age so I normally wouldn't judge your posts based on that but honestly, you are 16 years old. How many girls have cheated on you ever and how many of the guys they've cheated with have even had drivers' licenses, let alone trucks?
It looks a little ridiculous when someone tries to act older than they are. Don't be that person.
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I agree on the truck thing, but your average sixteen year old would have had ten or so relationships, it's not unfeasible that a few of them have cheated.
But to say girls hate being caught is silly. Everybody hates being caught.
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ten? average? fuck.
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Ally that is what I was thinking. I have not been in anywhere near ten relationships and I'm 20.
21 tomorrow. Dear god. I am lame.
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thirded.
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conclusion - Spluff is a massive slut.
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Driver! Return ticket to Floozietown, please.
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Return ticket?
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Christ, you wouldn't want to live there!
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Ever notice it's always a guy with a truck?
And it's true; Girls hate being caught. As if they have some divine right to do whatever the @#$% they want.
And they say that men are dogs. :|
Dude see we are the same age so I normally wouldn't judge your posts based on that but honestly, you are 16 years old. How many girls have cheated on you ever and how many of the guys they've cheated with have even had drivers' licenses, let alone trucks?
It looks a little ridiculous when someone tries to act older than they are. Don't be that person.
1) How many? Too many.
2) I didn't say me. I'm talking about stories I've heard.
EDIT::
Holy crap Spluff, where do you live, and how far is it from Jamaica?
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I've definitely hooked up with more than ten people but as for serious (or even partial) relationships, 10 is quite a lot for this age.
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Hm. While reading this thread I received a text from a female friend who's still in high school. Apparently her boyfriend had a seizure this morning, and woke up without any memory of who he is or who his girlfriend is. I would call epic con, but he's had a history of seizures and the like, so I'm fairly certain it's legitimate. And so that's the end of THAT relationship.
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That's some crazy shit.
Anyway, plenty of people never even hit the 10-relationship mark. Some people have one or two or three relationships in high school tops (usually because they actually last for a while) and many slow down even farther in college.
Also, as someone who only went through 2 or 3 relationships before I got to one that got serious and stuck for a while, if a 16-year-old girl has had 10 relationships, she'll probably look back in 5 or 6 years and think only one or two (or possibly none) of them really counted.
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Yes, obviously if you are going to have long relationships, you will not fit as many in - you do only have so many years under your belt. But the very nature of teenagers means that their relationships are often short.
Going from the anecdotal evidence in this thread, I suppose five relationships would be a better average, then?
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Hm. While reading this thread I received a text from a female friend who's still in high school. Apparently her boyfriend had a seizure this morning, and woke up without any memory of who he is or who his girlfriend is. I would call epic con, but he's had a history of seizures and the like, so I'm fairly certain it's legitimate. And so that's the end of THAT relationship.
What? Holy crap.
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Serious. Isn't that one of the stock plot-lines used in daytime soaps?
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Yes, obviously if you are going to have long relationships, you will not fit as many in - you do only have so many years under your belt. But the very nature of teenagers means that their relationships are often short.
Going from the anecdotal evidence in this thread, I suppose five relationships would be a better average, then?
i think it's all depending on what you count as a "relationship".. You mean, flirty with a boy and no one else during that time.. you mean kissed the boy and no one else during that time.. you mean official lets be bf/gf and with no one else during that time?... or maybe just people you sleep with count? I'm 24 and I've only had 2 serious relationships, many short tiny pass time relationships and hoping to be started on my 3rd serious as of yesterday :). YAY.. maybe we'll get to here how it ends in a half a year.. or not. We'll see.
EDIT: My definition of serious relationship - someone that I can see a future with and am hoping is a person that I can come to love and fall in love with that shares the same sort of feelings back(or at least shows or tells the same thing back to me)... I dunno what's yours?
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Hm. While reading this thread I received a text from a female friend who's still in high school. Apparently her boyfriend had a seizure this morning, and woke up without any memory of who he is or who his girlfriend is. I would call epic con, but he's had a history of seizures and the like, so I'm fairly certain it's legitimate. And so that's the end of THAT relationship.
That's really crazy.. and really sad. I hope everything works out.
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And so that's the end of THAT relationship.
Breaking up with someone because they got amnesia certainly sounds like a dick move to me. I mean, I'm just saying.
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Ooh, I haven't heard all those stories! Tell us the stories, Uncle Joe!! Pleeeeaaaaase.
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wait, was it the girl who broke up with him? i just assumed the opposite. if i got amnesia i probably wouldn't stay in a relationsbip with someone who was now a total stranger... and you're not even really staying in the relationship, you're starting it all over again from scratch, with someone who's claiming to have been your partner. that is tough stuff.
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wait, was it the girl who broke up with him? i just assumed the opposite. if i got amnesia i probably wouldn't stay in a relationsbip with someone who was now a total stranger... and you're not even really staying in the relationship, you're starting it all over again from scratch, with someone who's claiming to have been your partner. that is tough stuff.
I think it would be hard from both sides. Caring for someone who doesn't remember you would be pretty stressful, and a lot of people might think it was easier to just leave. On the other hand, if I had amnesia and someone was claiming to be my lover, girlfriend, wife, or whatever, I would probably want to keep them around in the hopes that having someone around who should be that familiar to me would help me remember things.
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Yes, obviously if you are going to have long relationships, you will not fit as many in - you do only have so many years under your belt. But the very nature of teenagers means that their relationships are often short.
Going from the anecdotal evidence in this thread, I suppose five relationships would be a better average, then?
Man, not even outside of maybe Saved By the Bell. Teenagers, more often than not, are naive. I hate to generalize, but teenagers typically have longer non-serious relationships than adults. It gets into the "we'll be together forever and ever and ever" thing with most teenagers who actually even get into relationships in High School. I had one real relationship in High School (I dated two other girls, but only one relationship) and even that wasn't until I was seventeen, and I was actually one of the more 'experienced' kids in my class by graduation.
Nine times out of ten, if a dude says he's been with five girls by the time he's sixteen, he's full of shit and trying to impress his idiot friends who think that's a legitimate qualifier as to how cool he is. Most people who've actually been with that many people at that age don't actually talk about it. The average sixteen year old has been in MAYBE one or two relationships. Five dates, maybe, but only a relationship or two.
This is going to sound terribly bad, but guys simply don't generally get into relationships at that age, it's mostly girls in early High School.
The only big relationships I remember from my class before I turned sixteen were Freshman girls dating Seniors, and those relationships tended to last through to Junior or Senior year. The only guys I remember actually in relationships before sixteen were guys who were out of the closet by seventeen (All of whom have since admitted their prior "relationships" were mainly just caused by insecurity about being out).
Hell, I'm twenty-four and I've only been in six legitimate instances that I would call a "relationship" and I tend to have short relationships (Outside of Rachel and my first girlfriend, three months is my longest relationship).
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On the other hand, a 16 year old is much more likely to count 2 dates and making out in the hallway as a "relationship."
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I have had one relationship, and loved one person, both different people and I am 19. I am really really slow at all this "relationship" thing.
But then again, most people I know from my home town (its more an enlarged village than anything else) have only had one relationship tops so I suppose its not too weird.
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after 9 pages i am beginning to think i'm too old to post on this thread, but fuckit.
a) re: 20-something guys dating high school girls: when i was 17 and some dude was 27 i almost ended up in a fuct up situation like the one previously mentioned. i was *so* naive and sheltered that i got weirded out the first time i hung out at his place and he and his buddy tried to get me to drink alcohol, which i'd never done and had no interest in at the time... i stopped talking to him. i think i avoided a bad call. i'll bet he thought the booze would actually win me over.
b) re: weirdest breakup: we were roommates, renting rooms in a house. he was a geek, i was a geek, us dating was expected by our roommates. he was an asshole and insulted everything i did and thought he was the best at everything he did. he came from some extremist religious family, but he ended up aetheist. still, he was a bit sheltered even at 22 and had hung on needlessly to some religion-based values (his opinion!) like no sex before marriage... which by the time i met him was just "no sex unless you intend to marry her." well, he emotionally abused me by telling me all the things wrong with everything i did so eventually i dumped him. but we were still roommates. and he was still horny and i still wanted attention so i fuct him. and i knew by doing so i would help him overcome that value instilled by his parents... i know it was manipulative, but i felt like i was doing it for his own good.
(i've come a long way since then.)
c) re: the age thing: has always been interesting to me. i dated a guy 9 years older, and stayed friends with him after, and he always asked me for life advice. there was a time when i was trying so hard, and so frustrated by the lack of mature guys that i, too, changed my preferred age range on lavalife to something above my own. but *now* i am dating a guy 7 years younger (had to be convinced before i would even give him a chance, that's how much the age thing mattered to me) and it's been my longest and most successful and happy relationship, and i realize that he's mature for his age, and i'm more like immature... maybe even for *his* age... which is why i'm posting on here anyway...
certainly age is important when one of you is in high school and the other not, or when the gap is many "grades" within school... now i'm dealing with the flip side. young guys generally don't want to think about marriage or kids (young but still older than 9, that is. that was such a cute story, btw.) so here i am, thinking about getting my shit together in the last few years at which bearing children is not yet a health risk, and worrying about how much time i have left, and guys don't have that problem, guys can make babies into their 80s or later, thanks to various drugs advertised in my spam folder. PLUS he's 7 years younger, he's ages away from wanting to think about that next step in life... and i feel like i'm running out of time. well, anyway, i still have *some* time left, i'm not too worried about it today, but there are times.
so ya.. just wanted to throw my 2 cents in there. watch me kill this thread, too, somehow...
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Actually, they've been finding that birth defects are more prevalent with sperm from older guys. Like it or not, we break down as we age. That's life.
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Uh, to clarify I believe it's the guy who is instigating the breakup. I know from experience that the particular female in question can be a bit... clingy. Which is largely the reason I avoid talking to her nowadays. But for the sake of a possibly insane story I'll try to find more details.
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I have always wanted an extremely large truck. Perhaps I am dating the wrong guys. (I am dating no guys at all.)
Anyway. I don't know anyone my age who has dated 10 people. I haven't kissed ten people, and obviously as the shameless hussy that I am I have a potential make-out pool that is twice as large as the average person's. Perhaps where you live there is not much else to do?
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The weirdest end to a relationship I've bared witness to was my friend Wayne and this chick Aubrey after about 2 months of dating. The weird part was that they never officially ended, but just kind of stopped talking over a summer. Every so often, Wayne'll bring it up and say something along the lines of "I wonder how my girlfriend is doing...", and we'll giggle about it some. Wayne says if he finds out Aubrey doesn't have a boyfriend in a year or so, he's going to randomly ask her to marry him, citing their 10 year long "relationship".
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Tommy, I've been following this strange and entertaining thread for the whole run, and no, no one had yet reposted that story. It's a good one, but I didn't repost it either because it wasn't about me, it was my sister.
I'm glad you liked it, though. It's 100% true, although I did wordsmith it for maximum effect.
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I have been largely ignoring this thread but am I right in thinking that nobody has yet posted Orbert's incredible story about a chap who dumped his sister?
I read that at first as a story about a dude who dumped his own sister. I guess that would be a weird end of a relationship. I'm glad it was not that story.
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i told that story to a friend of mine and he pointed out that liking monster trucks really is one of those interests that just divides people. i mean, if he told me he really liked jazz and i didn't listen to a lot of jazz i'd probably just shrug and accept our differences, whereas if he told me he was really into monster trucks i'd probably react by thinking he was a ridiculous person and i'd totally misjudged him by thinking he might be cool. so we mulled on that a bit and concluded we were kind of close-minded and as soon as the opportunity presented itself we would go to a monster truck event, just to see what it was like and whether one or both of us would end up actually really liking it. unfortunately it hasn't happened yet but it's still on the to-do list last time i checked.
i have also only been in two serious relationships but they were both very long-term ones. however, i also get bored of people quickly and tend to function much better on my own so i don't really bother to take it past the sex. i used to get weirded out (and still do, sometimes) by people complaining about wanting a boyfriend because i need so much alone time to be happy that usually what i want is the opposite, for boys to leave me alone and understand that i'm not interested and can't give them the attention they need. obviously i understand everyone's personality is different and some people are more extroverted than others, but relationships are something i have never really cared much about and i keep forgetting not everyone is like me. i am 21.
edit for clarity - that last bit totally wasn't actually what i wanted to say at all. i should really get into the habit of proofreading my posts. i do care about relationships and the people i start them with. what i meant was that it's the number of relationships i've been in that i don't care about.
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I read that at first as a story about a dude who dumped his own sister.
that's what i thought at first too. honestly, i'm a little disappointed.
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Not as disappointed as the made-up sister. :roll:
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Yeah, 10 relationships at 16 is a bit steep. I've had... three serious ones, two non-serious ones and I'm 19 now. First relationship started just before my 16th birthday and lasted nearly two years. Second serious one started a month after my 18th birthday and lasted about eight or nine months. Third serious one is the one I'm currently in and it's the one where the most "serious" stuff has happened - i.e. we practically live together now and it's been something like nine months.
The other two were like, 2/3 months and I don't really class them as serious. I have only ever kissed six guys - the above relationships + one other.
But then, I know people the complete opposite to me - in that they've never had a boyfriend, have made out with lots of guys and never once kissed any of those guys sober. So you know, it can go both ways.
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Search "back in college" and "jhocking" as the username.
Two pages of results.
man, fuck you, I wasn't going to tell this story, but now I am just to spite you.
wait, was it the girl who broke up with him? i just assumed the opposite. if i got amnesia i probably wouldn't stay in a relationsbip with someone who was now a total stranger... and you're not even really staying in the relationship, you're starting it all over again from scratch, with someone who's claiming to have been your partner. that is tough stuff.
Back in college, I had a friend who got amnesia. She spent a couple months figuring out who all her friends were and how they were connected. Even though she couldn't remember them at all, her previous relationships were all important to her because they were the main way she had to reconnect with who she was.
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yeah, since he said they were in high school i made the (possibly incorrect) assumption it couldn't have been that serious a relationship anyway and it only makes sense that it would end if you had to go through the effort of getting to know them and starting it all over again. in the case of close friends or a long-term partner, i could see how it would be a totally different situation.
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fuct
hee hee
i told that story to a friend of mine and he pointed out that liking monster trucks really is one of those interests that just divides people. i mean, if he told me he really liked jazz and i didn't listen to a lot of jazz i'd probably just shrug and accept our differences, whereas if he told me he was really into monster trucks i'd probably react by thinking he was a ridiculous person and i'd totally misjudged him by thinking he might be cool. so we mulled on that a bit and concluded we were kind of close-minded and as soon as the opportunity presented itself we would go to a monster truck event, just to see what it was like and whether one or both of us would end up actually really liking it. unfortunately it hasn't happened yet but it's still on the to-do list last time i checked.
Definitely go to a monster truck rally sooner rather than later; it is best as a spur of the moment kind of thing, so the longer you wait the less likely it is you will actually go. I am not into monster trucks, but I had fun at the monster truck rally I went to. I think the key is to drink a bunch before you go and then just kinda flow with the sheer absurdity of the entire evening.
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i can't help but imagine that must mean sex involving lots of duct tape, and it's kind of a painful thing to think of!
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duct_tape#Etymology
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I will be 20 on the 26th this month. I'm currently in my only real serious relationship. I've been seeing him for 6 months, officially dating for 3, at the end of this month I am moving two states away from home to be with him. Before him I was on and off for 4 years with a guy I met at the beginning of high school, during our off time I would try to date other people. He wouldn't say we were serious, I did. Those were a terrible long 4 years.
I'm the opposite of most of the females on here I suppose. When I was a teen I kissed freely and not really flung myself about but now that I look at it and talk to my best friend, I'm not in the double digits but I have more than I really should a female my age. But we all make poor choices in the past, I made more than one.
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'should' and 'shouldn't' are words that get used far too often when discussing sexual stuff. if you're being safe and considerate, and it's fun, who cares?
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i get a bit bummed out when people feel guilty about things they should be enjoying and not feeling guilty about, is all
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I don't really feel guilty. Some of those times I was like "Ok.. this sucked." but that was more performance than guilt. Haha.
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Probably your parents.
Yeah, but we're talking about teenagers here.
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teenagers?! where?! They're not on my lawn again, are they?!
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i get a bit bummed out when people feel guilty about things they should be enjoying and not feeling guilty about, is all
Man I have this problem constantly. I am working on shaking it, I think I am getting somewhere with that.
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yeah i didn't really mean to lecture, i realized i don't know your situation at all. everyone here already knows i am kind of slutty, and sometimes whenever other friends of mine are they then feel really guilty and embarrassed about it, and i don't know why cos they had lots of fun and got laid and what isn't great about that? but i am not going to tell you what to do with your life. also, what the hell i need to stop posting in all the sex threads cos i think i am starting to come off as really predictable and sex obsessed.
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i guess living alone in scotland is okay too.
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I went to a monster truck thing when I was a little kid and I was so scared that I cried the whole time.
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I went to a monster truck thing when I was a little kid and I was so scared that I cried the whole time.
I really am not sure what you were going for with this post but it has made me laugh aloud in a way a fine sharp cheese makes me smile a quaint little crooked smile in delight.
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I guess I probably should have quoted something from the conversation about monster trucks higher up on the page.
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Man I hadn't looked higher up on the page because I was really hoping that that was your response to Tania's divergence.
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one of my earliest memories is of watching a monster truck rally (the main attraction being a GIANT monster truck called Bigfoot), all the while being carried around on my dad's shoulders, eating a Picnic chocolate bar. I think it was a night, and there were fireworks. This was in Boston, England, and the speedway where the rally was held is now a Tesco/piece of wasteland.
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one of my earliest memories is of watching a monster truck rally (the main attraction being a GIANT monster truck called Bigfoot), all the while being carried around on my dad's shoulders, eating a Picnic chocolate bar. I think it was a night, and there were fireworks. This was in Boston, England, and the speedway where the rally was held is now a Tesco/piece of wasteland.
Oh, man, I used to love monster trucks. And Bigfoot was my favorite...
Then I turned 10.
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For Valentine's Day a few years ago (2005 or 2006) I took my girlfriend to a monster track rally. The main attraction was the monster truck Grave Digger. It was really loud and the kid that sat in front of us puked up his mac and cheese within 5 minutes of sitting in the exhaust fumes.
Anyway, I think my gf got a kick out of it. Below is a picture of Grave Digger from that day and Truckzilla
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v169/nirvana98r/gravedigger.jpg)
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v169/nirvana98r/truckzilla.jpg)
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I'm thankful for monster trucks. I've never really seen one, but I used to love the goofy ass advertisements when I was a little kid.
SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! MONSTER TRUCK MADNESS!!!
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There was a monster truck on display at a car dealership once when I went out with my dad. They were having people sit inside the wheel to show the size of the wheels.
Then it ran over a car.
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10 relationships at 16? you have got to be kidding me. i'm 16 and in the past... 16 years (????) i have had one RELATIONSHIP, let alone all this debate over 'serious' i had a two month thing with a friend, and we're still friends now. I openly admit that im not one for going out and finding random people for fun, i would much rather have one special girl who i was close to, but thats just me. the fact the one special girl is one of my closest friends and feels nothing for me is totally irrelevant at this point.
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I think its pretty hard to define what happens to be a serious relationship or not. You can have a serious relationship that doesn't end up lasting very long, or a serious relationship with someone who already has a significant other. Isn't the seriousness of a relationship entirely subjective anyway?
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the standard way people seem to judge the serious of relationships is by length of time but i don't really get that, to me it's entirely dependent on context. if someone's been with their partner for only a couple of months and says "i'm really serious about this person", it's usually frowned upon but sometimes being with someone for only two months means you just met them two months ago on a dating site, and sometimes it means you were close friends for a very long time before starting the relationship and already knew and cared about each other before the relationship started, and sometimes it could one of a bunch of other complicated scenarios. on the flip side, sometimes you can stay with someone for ages just out of habit and remain totally indifferent to whether or not you break up. i think length of time is irrelevant.
i realized my first serious relationship can kind of fit into the thread's original theme, even though it wasn't so much "weird" as "batshit insane" - he was four years older than me and i had a lot of emotional problems and treated him like shit because i was crazy and insecure, which led to him playing on my insecurities which made me treat him even more like shit which led to a messy screaming ripping-stuff-off-the-walls breakup and me later finding out he had been cheating on me with a bunch of different people throughout most of the relationship. i almost did the "fuck this, i'm never dating anyone EVER AGAIN" thing but then instead i sort of just pondered on it and realized i really was horrible to him and probably deserved what happened. years later, we are friends again and i think i am actually kind of glad to have experienced that horrible stressful relationship because it was a lesson in everything to absolutely never do to anyone ever again.
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I can say that my most serious relationships have tended to be with women that were already involved with other people. My longest relationships have tended to fall into that variety where you just fall into a groove with someone you don't particularly like because the relationship happens to be convenient at moderately filling a few needs. Live and learn.
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Reading this thread leads to several conclusions. either:
All of the millions upon millions of healthy happy relationships are VERY rare coincidence in the world of dating.
OR
The vast majority of people on this forum have extremely confusing relationship histories.
Either way, as a 16 yr old who has not really begun his path through life, it makes me a little scared :|
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Please note that this thread is particularly calling for stories about weird/bad/failed relationships, kind of a skewed representation.
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Looking at this thread before going into the world of dating, is like looking at "Medical horror-stories" before surgery.
In the majority, relationships start and end with everyone fine. Sure it'll hurt a bit when it first ends, but it will all pass.
All of these relationships are just the freak bad ones you'll get once and awhile.
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Reading this thread leads to several conclusions. either:
All of the millions upon millions of healthy happy relationships are VERY rare coincidence in the world of dating.
OR
The vast majority of people on this forum have extremely confusing relationship histories.
Either way, as a 16 yr old who has not really begun his path through life, it makes me a little scared :|
People tend to remember the bad about their past relationships.. because that's how you learn right? You should date alot and if shit happens it happens. No one is immune and just learn from it all. Nothing is a waste.
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that's probably true too. people remember the bad stuff because it sticks out most in their minds but i bet in most bad relationships there's a good chunk that was at least decent (i.e. "we hung out and had dinner and didn't fight"). the okay days don't stand out as significantly as the horrible or amazing ones because that's how relationships are supposed to go anyway.
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Also tania is posting again which means that probably any topic about relationships will be filled with horrible horrible stories.
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Plus, people just like novelty and unusual incidents. I mean really, that monster truck story is a lot funnier than the way my last relationship ended.*
*Basically, we slowed down on how often we saw eachother and then realized that neither of us really missed the other all that much. Scandalous.
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Think about what you are actually saying before you type it out because numerous people may take offense to such massive generalisations.
So? Everyone does it all the time! How can we be offended by something EVERYONE does??
(Yes, for those of you in the cheap seats, this statement was deliberate and intentional. If you missed it, read it again until you do. If you still don't get it, you are NOT going to be included in my next sweeping generalization.)
Because if you aren't there are damn better ways to deal with what you see as inadequacies in your sex life. Try communication for a start.
You are absolutely right. "Hey, don't ever give me a blowjob again because you are terrible at it," is so much better than just gently diverting attention.
Gotta love that communication! Woo hoo.
How many girls have cheated on you ever and how many of the guys they've cheated with have even had drivers' licenses, let alone trucks?
That was hilarious.
Oh, and just for the record, I am OLD and was being cheated on probably long before some of you were born.
Just thought I'd throw that one out there becuase I can.
so spluff lives in a society of floozies?
Now, see, where were all these floozies when I was growing up? I totally missed out, man!
Hm. While reading this thread I received a text from a female friend who's still in high school. Apparently her boyfriend had a seizure this morning, and woke up without any memory of who he is or who his girlfriend is.
That's just sad. and like you said, it's probably legit. Having had extensive experience with seizure patients and epileptics (you don't have to be epileptic to have seizures...), I can tell you from firsthand experience that this could very well be the case.
Maybe he gets his memory back, maybe he doesn't.
But is that enough to end the relationship? Why wouldn't he have the same feelings he had before, if they're the same people?
Just wondering.
Also, as someone who only went through 2 or 3 relationships before I got to one that got serious and stuck for a while, if a 16-year-old girl has had 10 relationships, she'll probably look back in 5 or 6 years and think only one or two (or possibly none) of them really counted.
This is an interesting perspective, and I see a truth in it.
I know women who have CHILDREN from relationships they think "didn't count."
Go figure. Denial is great, ain't it?
Serious. Isn't that one of the stock plot-lines used in daytime soaps?
Yes, but traditionally it's from a head injury, not a seizure.
Whether they get their memory back or not usually hinges on whether or not they (or their co-star) renews their contract.
EDIT: My definition of serious relationship - someone that I can see a future with and am hoping is a person that I can come to love and fall in love with that shares the same sort of feelings back(or at least shows or tells the same thing back to me)... I dunno what's yours?
So, by your definition, some guy a girl banged in a drunken one-night stand, got pregnant with, and now is raising his kid alone might not have "counted" as a relationship?
And yet.
Hmmm...I'm starting to see how this works.
It brings a lot of things in life into focus, actually.
if i got amnesia i probably wouldn't stay in a relationsbip with someone who was now a total stranger... and you're not even really staying in the relationship, you're starting it all over again from scratch, with someone who's claiming to have been your partner.
Tough, yes. But if I woke up in a hospital bed not knowing someone who's reasonably hot who claims to have been intimate with me, I don't think I'd kick her to the curb.
I'd see it as an opportunity to try to understand what happened to me, and definitely put them under the microscope so I could see me through their eyes, compare what I'm told to what I feel, and try to evaluate from there.
Would I throw away my only source of information, even if I suspected it to be faulty? No. Because even faulty information is information, and it gives you a point to start from when checksumming and cross-referencing.
So, were it ME with the amnesia, I sure as hell wouldn't be throwing away ANYBODY, intimate or not, who claims to have known me -- even my enemies.
On the other hand, if I had amnesia and someone was claiming to be my lover, girlfriend, wife, or whatever, I would probably want to keep them around in the hopes that having someone around who should be that familiar to me would help me remember things.
Exactly.
Most people who've actually been with that many people at that age don't actually talk about it.
I have found that this is so. Especially the girls, who are ashamed and afraid of being called sluts. I know a girl in her 30's who is still struggling with trying not to let that label get hung on her.
The guys who are "Experienced" that I've met, much like combat veterans, only talk about it after getting 'em a bit drunk.
And then I realize two things: 1) Still waters run deep. and 2) I don't really want to know. Especially when several of them have nailed MY current GF/Wife.
There's just an Ewwww factor that, in my years, I have learned, having been privvy to people's secrets for decades...that I JUST DON'T WANNA KNOW.
And that's my basic litmus test for folks who really are vs. the wannabes.
The really ares -- don't want to know, don't want to talk about it. Because they know already.
The wannabes want to talk about it because they want to make sure everybody knows they know.
So far that assessment criteria has been pretty much spot-on.
However, like for every other rule, there are exceptions.
i'm more like immature... maybe even for *his* age... which is why i'm posting on here anyway...
Heh, heh. One of the great things about getting old is that being seen as "mature" begins to matter less and less.
Me, I'm an immature jerk, and you know what? I'm pretty darn happy about it. Because I have found out that life's too short to be worried about labels that get hung on me. If they're not my boss or my bed partner, then their opinions matter only as much as I let them.
guys can make babies into their 80s or later
Just ask Tony Randall.
and i feel like i'm running out of time.
I am SO reminded of the scene from "My Cousin Vinny":
"My Biological Clock IS TICKIN' LIKE THIS! (stamps foot, thump thump thump!)"
Actually, they've been finding that birth defects are more prevalent with sperm from older guys. Like it or not, we break down as we age. That's life.
Yup.
Uh, to clarify I believe it's the guy who is instigating the breakup. I know from experience that the particular female in question can be a bit... clingy. Which is largely the reason I avoid talking to her nowadays. But for the sake of a possibly insane story I'll try to find more details.
While I just said up there that I generally don't want to know, there's just something satisfying about a good train wreck that ya just can't look away...
She complained to me that he was so shallow, and that it didn't make any sense to narrow your field of potential partners based on how much they love monster trucks.
This actually brings up an interesting and valid point: Common interests.
Let's face it...sex is sex. Some people are hot, some people aren't, but that is just ONE facet of a relationship. Other facets are compatibility, circle of friends, and HAVING THINGS TO TALK ABOUT THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY.
Being in a relationship should make you happy.
If you are a passionate enthusiast (some might even say obsessive) about something, and you hook up with someone who ISN'T a passionate enthusiast...there's already a rift. I'm not talking about the small stuff like liking the same flavor of ice cream. But there are some people out there whose very BEING is taken up by an activity or a hobby. They should, even at the risk of narrowing the field of potential partners, find someone of their "own kind" if they can.
I learned this particular lesson the hard way. True, it definitely narrowed my field.
But I am now no longer having to look in my field at all, because the partner I found is for the long term, instead of trying on another pair of nice, classy shoes that are both expensive and stylish, that everybody likes, but blister the hell out of my feet.
What I've got now could be likened to a favorite set of combat boots -- shinable to an attractive finish, durable as hell, soft, and with lots of shared experiences, and even when old, I'll look upon them fondly and wear them often, because they make me feel good now, and remember feeling good then.
Sorry for the footwear analogy...it just seems to fit.
Especially for people like me, on the outer fringe where people like me aren't even in the minds of the general public, you know the type..."Wow, it takes a Certain Kind of Person to do that/to live that way/to put up with that/to really do that well." As one of those Certain Kinds of People, it behooves me to find another of those Certain Kinds of People in order to find my happiness.
Your mileage may vary.
Wayne says if he finds out Aubrey doesn't have a boyfriend in a year or so, he's going to randomly ask her to marry him, citing their 10 year long "relationship".
I'd pay money to see the expression on her face. Not very MUCH money, mind you, but money nonetheless. I think I have a buck in my pocket...
I read that at first as a story about a dude who dumped his own sister. I guess that would be a weird end of a relationship. I'm glad it was not that story.
Yeah, only in certain parts of the world do the REALLY weird relationship questions come up like: "If you divorce your wife, is she still your sister?"
*rimshot*
for boys to leave me alone and understand that i'm not interested and can't give them the attention they need.
Yeah, some of us are some really emotionally needy babies.
*raises hand*
that's what i thought at first too. honestly, i'm a little disappointed.
The mind boggles as to the reasoning behind the disappointment, and in this particular case, I stand by my above statement: "I do NOT want to know."
also, what the hell i need to stop posting in all the sex threads cos i think i am starting to come off as really predictable and sex obsessed.
Res ipsa loquitur.
There's your latin lesson for today, kiddies.
because it was a lesson in everything to absolutely never do to anyone ever again.
Many folks never learn that lesson, even with repeated experiences. Kudos.
My longest relationships have tended to fall into that variety where you just fall into a groove with someone you don't particularly like because the relationship happens to be convenient at moderately filling a few needs.
One of the main reasons why a relationship should be with "one of your own kind" on as many levels as possible so this situation doesn't happen. Call me shallow, but I feel this point is valid and needs to be made.
All of the millions upon millions of healthy happy relationships are VERY rare coincidence in the world of dating.
No, it's just that folks who are in healthy happy relationships generally don't go posting about them on message boards -- they're busy having fun enjoying themselves with their partners.
The vast majority of people on this forum have extremely confusing relationship histories.
I'd say this assessment is accurate.
Either way, as a 16 yr old who has not really begun his path through life, it makes me a little scared.
Fear of that which can actually hurt you is healthy.
we hung out and had dinner and didn't fight
If "Didn't fight" is significant enough to make it a GOOD CHUNK...
...I'd say I'm learning quite a bit about someone else's world perception and value system that is significantly different than my own.
I feel my world expanding.
Also tania is posting again which means that probably any topic about relationships will be filled with horrible horrible stories.
I'm learning quite a bit about her from this thread -- it's intriguing, actually.
Plus, people just like novelty and unusual incidents.
Guilty, as charged.
*Basically, we slowed down on how often we saw eachother and then realized that neither of us really missed the other all that much. Scandalous.
Wow, you're right. The monster truck one was more interesting. No offense meant.
There ya go...a recap of the highlights of the last two pages, courtesy of me being too bored to share my own weirdest experience, which kinda pales in comparison.
I love you all; Between you and Jeph, this is my new playground.
The people are delightfully weird and deliciously dysfunctional here, and the absurdity is palpable.
Ahhhhh. *sighs happily*
S
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What did you do that for
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GREAT WALL O' TEXT
Do not take this the wrong way but you are very poor at this business.
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Let it be known amongst the meeblers that I totally called that one.
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Do not take this the wrong way but you are very poor at this business.
Well, you know what they say:
"If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly."
S
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last time i checked it was "If you can't learn to do something well, mutilate your genitalia"
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Jestes Polakiem? Czy Polka?
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Well that was unfortunate. Anyway, to get this thread back on topic, my little sister was once broken up with via AIM on Christmas Eve. Not really a strange breakup, but a shitty one!
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I have always wanted an extremely large truck. Perhaps I am dating the wrong guys. (I am dating no guys at all.)
Anyway. I don't know anyone my age who has dated 10 people. I haven't kissed ten people, and obviously as the shameless hussy that I am I have a potential make-out pool that is twice as large as the average person's. Perhaps where you live there is not much else to do?
At your age I'd kissed 18 people. Now, I know this because at your age I also put together a list of who I'd done what with (which I still have somewhere) along with their ages and other random numerical data, which I then calculated random statistics on. Numbers made me happy. They still do, really...
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once, a friend of mine was left a voicemail from his girlfriend saying she was at gay camp with a friend and that the relationship had to end.
not only was it a voicemail, but also while he was on the other side of the country.
also, she isn't actually a lesbian.
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I should feel awful about this, but somehow I don't.
I once broke up with a girl by comparing her to a shower. I hadn't spoken to her for a while and she had surprised me in the middle of a night of drinking. From what I remember, I said "You know when you get in the shower and you're all 'oh man, this is great i love this shower' and then you stay in for a while and you start thinking 'jesus christ when will this end i have to get out of here?' Yeah. Our relationship is like that."
She was speechless.
Realistically, though, I took the high road. If I was going to start with "You're like a shower..." I could have ended with "something hot and wet I get into once or twice a day!" RIMSHOT.
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That might actually have been better.
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Better? Or BEST?
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I disagree. The way you did it was clever and something I can legitimately see happening in a relationship. The variant is just crude and stupid.
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Good thing she didn't catch you at the end of the night's drinking.
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EDIT: My definition of serious relationship - someone that I can see a future with and am hoping is a person that I can come to love and fall in love with that shares the same sort of feelings back(or at least shows or tells the same thing back to me)... I dunno what's yours?
So, by your definition, some guy a girl banged in a drunken one-night stand, got pregnant with, and now is raising his kid alone might not have "counted" as a relationship?
And yet.
Hmmm...I'm starting to see how this works.
It brings a lot of things in life into focus, actually.
I guess reading helps.. I said My definition of SERIOUS relationship
... I wasn't even stating that everyone does or even should have the same definition as myself. I was stating my opinion on it and asking what others opinion of a serious relationship as I've only had two in my 24 years of life.
Does this make sense?
Edit: had to add... No I wouldn't count that as a relationship, if she met a guy banged him while drunk and got knocked up and has to raise a kid by herself.. how would that count as a relationship with that guy? did she have relations with him? Yes. Was there anymore of relationship other than drunk stumbling kissing because the logical part of her mind was shut down by alcohol? No.
Thanks for playing
That is all.
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Yeah...having a kid from a drunken one night stand does not magically make it a relationship...unless you count having a kid from a sperm donor as a relationship.
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Yeah...having a kid from a drunken one night stand does not magically make it a relationship...unless you count having a kid from a sperm donor as a relationship.
exactly!
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I was dating a German girl out of high school... She had been an exchange student at a nearby school here in the states... We started out dating and eventually got engaged before I left for the service and she for Germany. We visited several times while I was enlisted; her here and me there. However, I had some issues eventually and I made the mistake of messin' around with another girl down at Ft. Campbell...
I didn't tell her why, but I broke up with her over the phone... It was horrible. She cried and begged... She was going to come over on the next flight and all that... I was so embarrassed about what I had done, that I told her no... She continued and I told her that if she showed up at the base, I'd have her arrested... Not my crowning moment, to be sure.
But I was really ashamed of it all... I've since grown up a lot. I was 19 when that happened. My mom and dad have always kept in touch with her and she has married and has a child. But I've not spoken to her since then. Nothing ever came of the other girl. We had a brief thing, but it was nothing. I realized a few years later what I'd done and it had a significant impact on me at that point. I made an effort to apologize to her and she accepted it. But that was the last I heard from her and the last I tried to contact her. That was by letter rather than phone.
SO... Moral of the story is if you love them, keep that shit in your pants. If your not sure, keep it in there until you are sure... you may not realize what you're losing until it's way to late...
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Hmmmm the weirdest ending to a relationship I ever had was my boyfriend at the time wrote me an email, that is right, an EMAIL to say that we had to break up because we didn't fight enough.
fight......ENOUGH
First, he wasn't man enough to break up with me in person and then the reason he broke up with me is because we got along wonderfully.
I'm still confused....
But that was the end of the relationship.
And now when I see him, we fight all the time, I wonder if he wants me now.....
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I actually broke up with someone before for not fighting me. Not because I thought we got along wonderfully, but because he was a fucking doormat and I could make him do anything and it bored the shit out of me.
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My friend's girlfriend after being dumped said "we can still be friends right?" He laughed in her face and she punched him in the mouth. For about a week he said he got the bruise in a bar fight before she told us the truth.
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First, he wasn't man enough to break up with me in person and then the reason he broke up with me is because we got along wonderfully.
So, off-topic a little, maybe... Is it unmanly to break up over the phone if one of you is in another country and neither can afford the ticket to get there? Be honest... I've got thick skin... lolz
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I'd say it's acceptable if you're in a different country, but, maybe if you skyped, it'd be a little more personal? Then you could at least see the person. But it's kind of hard to say "hey, can you get on skype? I want to see your face when i tell you this"....
A phone call is probably reasonable.
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"I want to take a screenshot of it. I am going to make it my wallpaper. It is going to be awesome."
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Considering he's apparently thirty-three and he said the phone breakup was at nineteen, I imagine Skype was not a consideration.
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Breakup by Telegraph
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.. - / .. ... / -. --- - / .-- --- .-. -.- .. -. --. / --- ..- - .-.-.- .. / - .... .. -. -.- / .-- . / ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. / ... . . / --- - .... . .-. / .--. . --- .--. .-.. . .-.-.- -... -.-- / - .... . / .-- .- -.-- --..-- / .. / .- -- / ..-. ..- -.-. -.- .. -. --. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / ... .. ... - . .-. .-.-.-
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Considering he's apparently thirty-three and he said the phone breakup was at nineteen, I imagine Skype was not a consideration.
You would be correct sir...
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I don't have any myself, having not as of yet kissed a girl/been in a relationship, aged 18.
My friend, however, has had a pretty weird time.
She went out with this guy for 2 or 3 years, and then decided to stop because he was being pathetic (i.e. crying over the phone when he hadn't seen her). She proceeds to go out with another 2 guys in the space of 3 months, in which time she is being occasionally followed out of college by the long term guy, trying to get her to go out with him again. At first she's scared but then eventually she starts thinking she should get back together.
That was probably a terrible story, but i felt i had to contribute.
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How did it end?
P.S. Your friend sounds like a pussy.
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First, he wasn't man enough to break up with me in person and then the reason he broke up with me is because we got along wonderfully.
So, off-topic a little, maybe... Is it unmanly to break up over the phone if one of you is in another country and neither can afford the ticket to get there? Be honest... I've got thick skin... lolz
Go ahead and break up with them face to face. Not my fault if they attempt at bodily harm to you. In my experience, some people can't handle the rejection of being dumped and will resort to violence when you decide to withdraw from a relationship.
Some people are just a little off. Be safe, just do it over the phone. So what if they think you are a pussy. At least you won't have to pay medical bills or run the risk of the psycho killing you.(not all people are like this)
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I'm pretty sure that if you make your relationship decisions based on even the merest idea that your partner might wish you bodily harm, you're doing something very wrong.
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Hey dude? You're a pussy.
You're the reason people who break up over the phone for legitimate reasons get a bad rap.
Thanks!
eta: sniped by OWW
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I don't have any myself, having not as of yet kissed a girl/been in a relationship, aged 18.
My friend, however, has had a pretty weird time.
She went out with this guy for 2 or 3 years, and then decided to stop because he was being pathetic (i.e. crying over the phone when he hadn't seen her). She proceeds to go out with another 2 guys in the space of 3 months, in which time she is being occasionally followed out of college by the long term guy, trying to get her to go out with him again. At first she's scared but then eventually she starts thinking she should get back together.
That was probably a terrible story, but i felt i had to contribute.
Tell her to get a restraining order. or... Tell her to stop playing games with the guy. Two sides to every story.
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Wow, you have really low expectations for people's intentions in relationships, don't you!
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I'm pretty sure that if you make your relationship decisions based on even the merest idea that your partner might wish you bodily harm, you're doing something very wrong.
Yes, silly me. I guess the times when the girls have attacked me is when I catch them red handed cheating and they get upset because it's in front of their other man and they attack. I have broken up with girls both in person and over the phone. Phone is less likely a chance at me enduring being kicked in the balls or punched in the face. You see my friend, most females think it's okay to hit a guy because we are "stronger" then them. Equal rights right? BS.
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Wow, you have really low expectations for people's intentions in relationships, don't you!
called reading between the lines
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What the fuck. Alternately you can stop dating violent psychos.
Also, what's any of that got to do with women's rights?
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Yeah, I guess I am reading between the lines a bit. It's just that every single post you've made so far on this thread has basically relied on expecting people to act as abusive or unpleasant as they could. It doesn't sound like you expect much compassion, forgiveness, or altruism from people you enter relationships with. I'm not saying you're being unfair, if it's what you've experienced that sucks and I'm sorry to hear it, but I'm personally convinced (based on my own experience) that if you make your decisions based on a trust that your partners really do have your best interests in mind, it often turns out to be true in the end.
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Disclaimer: i'm not innocent.
If a girl dumps a guy.. Then the guy is following her around.. And she feels threatened, that is stalking.
She then decides maybe she wants to date him again? Pretty sure that girl is not telling the whole story. Sorry to break it to you all but girls will and can play.
Have I been in some bad relationships? Yes. Have I been in good ones? Yes. Unfortunately in this great society we have now a days people hide their true self.
Now i'm currenlty in a very good relationship. Now fear of abuse or anything like that. However, I just recently got out of the age of 20 to 25 year olds that think life is still a fucking game. People don't like losing games and i'm sure some of you know what sore losers can be like.
Judge me by my past experience if you like. You really have no clue about me. I study psychology and I do think about anything and everything someone says when it comes to relationships because of the shit i've seen go on and experienced.
I don't believe everyone is evil. I just don't believe there as many good fish out there as people tend to think.
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What judgments do you think I have about you? I'm curious.
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Why do people feel like passive aggressive posting is the best way to win an argument?
"Stop judging me you don't know me" isn't exactly a convincing point.
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I wasn't even aware that an argument was underway!
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If it makes him feel any better I am judging him.
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most females think it's okay to hit a guy because we are "stronger" then them
girls will and can play
can we try to refrain from gender stereotypes please? people have different personalities. some people are just meaner than others. your bad experiences aren't the result of the fact that they were women and women are some kind of bizarre predatory species totally different from men.
i'm sorry if i'm coming off as excessively picky but i believe pretty strongly that harboring these sorts of beliefs has the potential to lead to increasingly worse prejudice and that it's better to recognize and refrain from that kind of thinking sooner than later.
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Yeah, I guess I am reading between the lines a bit. It's just that every single post you've made so far on this thread has basically relied on expecting people to act as abusive or unpleasant as they could. It doesn't sound like you expect much compassion, forgiveness, or altruism from people you enter relationships with. I'm not saying you're being unfair, if it's what you've experienced that sucks and I'm sorry to hear it, but I'm personally convinced (based on my own experience) that if you make your decisions based on a trust that your partners really do have your best interests in mind, it often turns out to be true in the end.
this.
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most females think it's okay to hit a guy because we are "stronger" then them
girls will and can play
can we try to refrain from gender stereotypes please? people have different personalities. some people are just meaner than others. your bad experiences aren't the result of the fact that they were women and women are some kind of bizarre predatory species totally different from men.
i'm sorry if i'm coming off as excessively picky but i believe pretty strongly that harboring these sorts of beliefs has the potential to lead to increasingly worse prejudice and that it's better to recognize and refrain from that kind of thinking sooner than later.
I was stating that girls are not excempt from playing the game. Not saying that only girls will play. I wish people learned proper reading.
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If it makes him feel any better I am judging him.
yes it does.
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Why do people feel like passive aggressive posting is the best way to win an argument?
"Stop judging me you don't know me" isn't exactly a convincing point.
did I say that? No.
I felt as though as anything I've typed according to onewheelwizzard's post was me coming off as someone who's only experience bad.
Like I stated above. I have been in some terrible relationships and I have been in some great ones. I base my opinions off experience, when it come to relationships.
No I don't think everyone is evil, nor do I think all females are evil. In fact, I don't think many are, but there are (both sexes) people that think relationships are games.
I just call them like "I" see them.
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one last thing.
I'm definately not trying to start an argument on this. I was defending my posts that is all.
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Hey broseph here's an idea. Make less use of your Return key and more use of your Edit button.
I'm definately not trying to start an argument on this. I was defending my posts that is all.
lol
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usually do. My bad.
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I felt as though as anything I've typed according to onewheelwizzard's post was me coming off as someone who's only experience bad.
This was what I was looking for! Thank you very much (no, seriously, I really, really appreciate it, I was scrolling down through your posts and saw this one and grinned a lot).
I'm sorry that I made you feel as if that was what I thought about you! I'm glad I showed you what you were sounding like, and also glad that I now understand that you're not one-dimensional in that way.
I think a few pages back you said something like "people remember the bad stuff in relationships, I mean that's how you learn, right?" and this was really what I was trying to get at. Remembering the bad stuff is NOT a good way to learn because the stuff you remember IS what you learn, and that's the kind of stuff you DON'T want to learn. If it sounds like I'm saying "forget about the bad things that happen because they don't matter," or "if you forget about bad stuff it won't happen again," that's not what I mean at all ... what I'm trying to say is that if you EXPECT bad things because they've happened in the past, they're more likely to happen in the future, since your expectations guide your actions and therefore end up manifesting themselves.
I'm also sorry that you felt like you needed to defend yourself against me in some way. I was only trying to learn more about what you meant. I'm sorry that I took a confrontational tone at first, I didn't mean it to sound that way when I wrote it but looking back I can see why you interpreted it the way you did.
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I think a few pages back you said something like "people remember the bad stuff in relationships, I mean that's how you learn, right?" and this was really what I was trying to get at. Remembering the bad stuff is NOT a good way to learn because the stuff you remember IS what you learn, and that's the kind of stuff you DON'T want to learn.
you are correct, you do not want to learn bad stuff. You do however, want to learn from it.
I was pretty broad with my statement so I understand the confusion.
If it sounds like I'm saying "forget about the bad things that happen because they don't matter," or "if you forget about bad stuff it won't happen again," that's not what I mean at all ... what I'm trying to say is that if you EXPECT bad things because they've happened in the past, they're more likely to happen in the future, since your expectations guide your actions and therefore end up manifesting themselves.
You would be correct, you should never enter a relationship expecting the worse outcome. However, it never hurts to keep your eyes open to what is happening in front of you with your life and relationships.
I am not one to sit there blindly, anymore. I was once in the position of total trust without the other person proving the they were trustworthy. Trust is not granted, it is earned.
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Nah, I'm pretty sure it's granted, at least it is when I trust people (I don't need people to earn something that actually helps me when I give it for free), but we can agree to disagree there.
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Yeah, trust is granted, sorry. If you go around expecting everyone to be untrustworthy and they have to earn your trust, they just won't care about your trust and will simply tell you to fuck off.
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edit: i retract my statement
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trust isn't always a black-and-white thing, either. even when it comes to my closest friends, i don't always believe everything they say and vice versa, but sometimes that's okay if you're both aware of that and of what each person's trust needs are. i'm not sure it's possible (for me, anyway) to trust someone on absolutely everything, 100% of the time, but i wouldn't really need to. if i could trust them on enough things to satisfy my level of comfort with the relationship, that'd be enough for me.
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I personally see trust as "I believe that this person has consideration for my interests, and that in cases in which they behave otherwise, that there is something beyond their control going on that is preventing them from acting in a way that directly communicates that consideration to me," rather than "I believe that this person will not tell me things that are not true." If someone knew this about me and wanted to take advantage of me, I think they'd actually have a hard time doing it ... I don't tend to let my own needs go unattended to, so someone who has legitimately malicious intent would need to actually act it out explicitly in order to hurt me. Someone who just wants to leech off me in some way without giving back is honestly welcome to it, because as soon as I don't feel good about freely giving to them whatever I give, I'll just stop. It's simple, really.
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Jestes Polakiem? Czy Polka?
JA jestem Polski przy dziedzictwo , opr�cz czynić nie m�wić po polsku.
I used an online translator. Please forgive me.
Yeah...having a kid from a drunken one night stand does not magically make it a relationship...unless you count having a kid from a sperm donor as a relationship.
And I agree. I am pointing out that life-changing things can happen to people from their choices that others will judge them based upon, and not just from relationships.
That's all. I was making a point.
Thanks for playing
Thanks for letting me.
SO... Moral of the story is if you love them, keep that shit in your pants. If your not sure, keep it in there until you are sure... you may not realize what you're losing until it's way to late...
You are not the only person to learn this terrible lesson the hard way. I know of several others.
I will neither confirm nor deny my own inclusion.
If it makes him feel any better I am judging him.
If I don't care, does that mean I'm judging?
How about if I laugh?
Yeah, trust is granted, sorry. If you go around expecting everyone to be untrustworthy and they have to earn your trust, they just won't care about your trust and will simply tell you to fuck off.
Agreed. I just try to be a decent judge of character and then trust people to be themselves.
I am rarely disappointed these days. But my character judgement wasn't good in the beginning and I got hurt a lot.
But I learned.
Sometimes learning is painful.
S
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I was dating a German girl out of high school... She had been an exchange student at a nearby school here in the states... We started out dating and eventually got engaged before I left for the service and she for Germany. We visited several times while I was enlisted; her here and me there. However, I had some issues eventually and I made the mistake of messin' around with another girl down at Ft. Campbell...
I didn't tell her why, but I broke up with her over the phone... It was horrible. She cried and begged... She was going to come over on the next flight and all that... I was so embarrassed about what I had done, that I told her no... She continued and I told her that if she showed up at the base, I'd have her arrested... Not my crowning moment, to be sure.
But I was really ashamed of it all... I've since grown up a lot. I was 19 when that happened. My mom and dad have always kept in touch with her and she has married and has a child. But I've not spoken to her since then. Nothing ever came of the other girl. We had a brief thing, but it was nothing. I realized a few years later what I'd done and it had a significant impact on me at that point. I made an effort to apologize to her and she accepted it. But that was the last I heard from her and the last I tried to contact her. That was by letter rather than phone.
SO... Moral of the story is if you love them, keep that shit in your pants. If your not sure, keep it in there until you are sure... you may not realize what you're losing until it's way to late...
I thought the moral of the story there was to learn to keep a secret? Just because you screwed up yourself doesn't mean you should screw things up for the other person by ending it out of guilt/hurting them with the information. (I know a lot of people will disagree with me here, but that's fine and reasonable)
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That's actually a point of view I really wish I had heard more of BEFORE now. I cheated on my current girlfriend with an ex about a year ago. After a lot of soul searching, guilt, and a revelation that I really do want my current partner to be the one, I ended up telling her everything about a month ago. It was an all-around bad situation since she had previously had suspicions of the ex in question which I had carefully mollified. She's since come to the realization that she feels the same way I do and is willing to give me another chance, but she made the offhand comment that she wishes I had just kept my altruistic mouth shut.
*facepalm*
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Well, if you think about it, what do you accomplish by telling them? You will certainly hurt them. It's not altruistic, it's selfish. You just "get it off your chest". And as much as you try to continue with someone who's cheated on you, some part of you will always doubt them because of it...or will for a very long time. I think if you can view your cheating experience as something that ultimately made you better in your relationship, you can shrug it off because you appreciate them more because of it and just file it away (as long as you're certain it won't get back to them somehow. yes, you can be certain. especially if the person you decide to cheat on your girlfriend with dies two weeks later in a car accident...which totally happened to me in the relationship I detailed much earlier in the thread...anyway!)
I know of two people who've cheated on their spouses, and in both situations I can't rationalize holding it against them. Anyhow...enough anecdotes for one post.
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The dark cynical corner of my soul wants to make a "nice timing" joke in there somewhere. But indeed, those are all sentiments that have been expressed by both parties after the fact. And to contrast that situation, I'll admit that my confession was (only partly) motivated by a drunk-dial from the ex threatening to spill everything if I didn't. I figure the least I could do was make sure she heard it from me. No other way would be right.
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Yeah...having a kid from a drunken one night stand does not magically make it a relationship...unless you count having a kid from a sperm donor as a relationship.
And I agree. I am pointing out that life-changing things can happen to people from their choices that others will judge them based upon, and not just from relationships.
That's all. I was making a point.
No, no you weren't.
EDIT: My definition of serious relationship - someone that I can see a future with and am hoping is a person that I can come to love and fall in love with that shares the same sort of feelings back(or at least shows or tells the same thing back to me)... I dunno what's yours?
So, by your definition, some guy a girl banged in a drunken one-night stand, got pregnant with, and now is raising his kid alone might not have "counted" as a relationship?
And yet.
Hmmm...I'm starting to see how this works.
It brings a lot of things in life into focus, actually.
So by your statement, anything you say is not what you say unless you said it. Really I love that logic. To each their own I guess...
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On the off chance that it will get this thread back to being about... well... something, yes Sam, I like CDs.
(braces for the story about a couple who broke up because of a CD vs. Vinyl Debate)
(or are we talking Certificates of Deposit? In that case, I don't know if I like them. possibly safer then other forms of investment right now, but I don't know much about that kind of stuff)
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Sam, you just made me laugh for a good minute straight. Perfection.
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This joke for some reason made me think of that Achewood strip were Showbiz is just grabbing his junk in front of Molly and Beef.
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That's all. I was making a point.
No, no you weren't.
Mmmhmmm. I see my intentions and your perceptions as incongruent.
So by your statement, anything you say is not what you say unless you said it. Really I love that logic. To each their own I guess...
There's logic there?
I must have missed it.
S
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That's all. I was making a point.
No, no you weren't.
Mmmhmmm. I see my intentions and your perceptions as incongruent.
So by your statement, anything you say is not what you say unless you said it. Really I love that logic. To each their own I guess...
There's logic there?
I must have missed it.
S
I am a bee.
You're a bee?
You see I was saying that horses drink water.
no, you said you were a bee?
Lol, stupid you are wrong.
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Shut up you two.
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You're not my real mom! you can't tell me what to do!
Did I tell the story about how a girl broke up with me because her friends thought I looked too poor to hang out with them?
If not, I just did.
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I've heard it before. What are you, the new Joe Hocking?
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I'm sorry that you're not good at things sam.
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Sam you have a Calvin Johnson haircut and you're turning into an angry little man.
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I am a bee.
You're a bee?
You see I was saying that horses drink water.
no, you said you were a bee?
Lol, stupid you are wrong.
This is the greatest.
What does it mean?!
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I am a bee.
You're a bee?
You see I was saying that horses drink water.
no, you said you were a bee?
Lol, stupid you are wrong.
He is not making a point.
S
This is the greatest.
What does it mean?!
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It seems to mean that this thread has sadly run its course and people are now more interested in arguing semantics than relating funny stories.
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Nine days later at a house party, we entered together, both started talking to somebody else at the same time, glanced back and forth, approached each other and basically said "yeah, it was a lot of fun. nice to meet you" "yeah, you too, have a nice life" so we could hit on these new people. It was funny because it was so casual, and all our mutual friends made a giant fuss over it.
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I thought the moral of the story there was to learn to keep a secret? Just because you screwed up yourself doesn't mean you should screw things up for the other person by ending it out of guilt/hurting them with the information. (I know a lot of people will disagree with me here, but that's fine and reasonable)
I didn't tell her why I broke up with her... Just that the distance and everything made it too difficult to keep up my end of it. That I didn't want to deal with it for the next 3-4 years while she finished university. I never told her I cheated on her. And no, I don't think that keeping a secret in that situation is the wrong thing to do... She deserved better than that and we were both young. She had time to find someone else and she did... Relationships based on false pretenses, regardless of their intent, are often not long for things. And in this situation, she was forced to deal with it in a very definitive way. It gave her a solid chance for closure without the idea of what could have been...
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This thread has run its course, you say? Nonsense! I have saved up a story just for this occasion.
Him: "So, the past few months were great, but really I have no feelings for you and was just using you to get through the summer without my ex."
Me: "Uh. That sucks."
Him: "Have a nice life!"
(A few months later I started dating one of our mutual friends)
Me: "I'm happy!"
Him: "Fuck you I can't believe you would do this to me, you [insert string of expletives here]!"
Me: "..."
But then he knocked up some girl at Bible Camp and so he is married and has a kid. Bahahahaha.
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And justice is served! :police:
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Man, I totaly empathize with feeling irrationally emotional about something, but that doesn't mean I'll ever really understand how people manage to rationalize it and act like a dick in the process. I mean, hell, I've felt mild jealousy pangs before and I'll probably feel them again. I remember the first time it ever really happened back when I was in high school; a girl I used to playfully flirt with but wasn't truly interested in started dating some other guy. I ended up feeling a tiny bit jealous anyway, but I just chalked it up to vestigial cave man instincts and did my best to let it go before I made an ass of myself.
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I should feel awful about this, but somehow I don't.
I once broke up with a girl by comparing her to a shower. I hadn't spoken to her for a while and she had surprised me in the middle of a night of drinking. From what I remember, I said "You know when you get in the shower and you're all 'oh man, this is great i love this shower' and then you stay in for a while and you start thinking 'jesus christ when will this end i have to get out of here?' Yeah. Our relationship is like that."
She was speechless.
Realistically, though, I took the high road. If I was going to start with "You're like a shower..." I could have ended with "something hot and wet I get into once or twice a day!" RIMSHOT.
Yeah, I hope I never have to use that, because I haven't showered in 2 or 3 days.
Good news: my Stink Cycle is actually shorter than most.
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But then he knocked up some girl at Bible Camp
More stories should end with that line.
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But then he knocked up some girl at Bible Camp
More stories should end with that line.
I agree. It always leaves people grasping for some sort of coherent response.